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Post #31856 by oneadadc on September 13th 2010, 11:18 PM (in topic “Whats the right thing to do now?”)

Whats the right thing to do now?: I would tell the Paternal Grandparents.

I would tell the Paternal grandparents.

And perhaps you could consider the child spending some time with them if they with. This allows your child to get to know the other side of his family.

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Post #31855 by oneadadc on September 13th 2010, 11:08 PM (in topic “How can I change a "not being within 100m" clause on my DVO?”)

How can I change a "not being within 100m" clause on my DVO?: The downside of the ADVO path

The ADVO process is to keep the peace.

Therefore if you and/or he need to involve the police they will seek to keep you apart.

You could consider applying to court yourself and asking them to change the conditions of the ADVO.

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Post #31854 by oneadadc on September 13th 2010, 11:04 PM (in topic “Relocation Enquiry”)

Relocation Enquiry: Have you approached the Father?

My first question is "Have you approached the father?" - He might even agree! Though if he does I expect he would want some guarantee that you would return for holidays and would return to Australia to live as the sated time.

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Post #31853 by oneadadc on September 13th 2010, 11:02 PM (in topic “Father of a newborn”)

Father of a newborn : Getting started and building the relationship.

There has been some very good advice in the previous posts.

A couple of points I would like to add. The general consensus among the experts is that around 3 short visits is good for a baby. The means the baby starts to build memories of you.

If you can hold out, allowing things to develop is by far the best way. From what you have said so far, the mother's position is not uncommon. In the end she will either relent and realise you aren't trying to run her life or you will probably have to initiate court proceedings to continue to develop the relationship with your son.

There is much on this site to guide you in the steps necessary and the appropriate strategy.

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Post #31852 by oneadadc on September 13th 2010, 10:47 PM (in topic “Final Orders”)

Final Orders: Setting Aside Final Orders.

Seeking to return to court to obtain new final orders can be difficult. As Loujane points out, there needs to be a change of circumstances to bypass the Rice and Asplund test.

I note you mention you have a wife.If you were single when the previous final orders were made, being married now can be considered enough change in circumstance to justify re-opening the case.

A lot will depend on how old the orders are. A point to remember, if you did return to court there is a fair chance the court would order a new family report and there is a very good chance it would be by the same report writer as last time.

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Post #31851 by oneadadc on September 13th 2010, 10:40 PM (in topic “Legal Aid enquiry”)

Legal Aid enquiry: The quality of Legal Aid representation.

Legal Aid representation can come in 2 forms -

The first and most obvious is a Solicitor who is employed directly by Legal Aid.

The quality of service can be quite variable. I know of some who are extremely dedicated (usually very overworked too.) and others who just cant be bothered doing more than the aboslute basics.

The other is a private solicitor who will accept Legal Aid work. Again there can be quite a variation. Some are quite dedicated. Others consider the fees paid by Legal Aid too low and therefore don't put their best effort in.

Either way, there is no  substitite for doing some research and preparation so that the solicitor, Legal Aid or Private can be properly instructed.

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Post #31752 by oneadadc on September 8th 2010, 9:52 PM (in topic “How can I cope better when my son is with his father?”)

How can I cope better when my son is with his father?: Learning to be a part time Parent

It is tough! But it an be done.

The simplest way requires an act of faith - accept that the child will be ok in the other parent's care.

More difficlt is to build trust in the other parent's ability to care for the child. It is the most sure path but full of pot hole too. The first thing to do is to build communication with the other parent. Stick to general observation about the child - your common ground. Be careful to stay away from instructions on how to parent - they tend to get in the way of communication between separated parents, particularly in the early stages.

When comparing reports from your child and the other parent, always remember both may tell you what they think you want to hear, though for different reasons.

A useful trick is to keep questions to simply "Did you have a good time?" to the child and similar to the other parent. If the answer is positive then share the joy. It will help both you and the child. The child will become comfortable that it is OK. You will come to accept the same.

I will offer a personal example. A few months ago my son, just 8, would always make a big deal about not wanting to come with me if I collected him from mum's. The attitude disappeared as soon as we were around the corner. It didn't occur at all if I collected him from School. I asked him why did this happen, describing his actions. Not surprisingly he did not have a answer. But the behavior stopped.

I would also note that a couple of years ago, his mother observed in mediation "I will have to learn to let go" She has and the situation has improved for all concerned.

The next step can also be quite challenging, broardening your own horizon to fill the gap left by the absence of the child. It means finding an interest. It is worth the effort for both you will grom more comfortable and the it will also have benefits for the child as you increase your interests and probably circle of friends.

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Post #31751 by oneadadc on September 8th 2010, 8:55 PM (in topic “Father needs help”)

Father needs help: Reading between the lines

Smurf said
Hi.

I am having trouble gaining access to my daughter my x-wife and I have been seperated for 2 years and just recently divorced.

We never had an aggreement in place but i was always allowed to see my (5 yo) daughter and lately my x will not let me have contact.

I have been to see a solicitor but i cannot get legal aid as my x wife has already used them in the past.

Any information would be greatly appreciated as i am going to try and do this my self as there is no way i can afford a lawyer (they do not have insurancefor this sort of thing) just a little humor as they have it for everything else these days.
 Hi smurf.

Whether the other party have has legal aid in the past should not affect you entitlement to a Grant of Legal Aid. The solicitor you spoke to probably didn't want to represent you so used that as a an excuse. The reality is that in some cases Legal Aid ends up fund both parties and the ICL.

Under the conflict of interest a party cannot use a solicitor (or organisation) which the other party has used in the past. This applies to solicitor supplied by Legal Aid. That does not mean a you cannot use a private solicitor funded by Legal Aid.

The real issues are whether you can find a solicitor who will provide representation under a legal aid grant (they are becoming scarce) and whether you meet Legal Aid's means and merit tests.

Representing yourself is not as onerous as it first seems. Time consuming maybe, but the courts are well versed in assessing people who represent themselves whether by choice or for financial reasons. This site also has some very good resources.

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Post #31750 by oneadadc on September 8th 2010, 8:31 PM (in topic “Dispute Resolution Certificate attained; now the Ride begins”)

Dispute Resolution Certificate attained; now the Ride begins: Back to the Issue which started this topic!

Hyonlife - Given that you already have your mediation certificate - (the Family Court usually don't care what it says - taking the attitude "You couldn't work it out in mediation so now we will") a making your application is thebest step.

I would suggest agreeing to the request from the child's mother for a legal aid conference (mediation). You can still continue the court process. Though it is likely that a court would adjourn any hearing if they were told that a mediation dat ewas to occur in the near futue. It is also quite like a court would adjoun the matter to allow the mediation conference to happen if the other party's lawyer told the court that it was being offered. If you told the court you had already tried and failed, the court is likely to encourage you to give it another go. A very important point to rememeber is the age of your child. The court will simply accept the mother was probably still recovering from the birth.



AS an application has been filed the court will keep a watchfull eye on progress with any futher mediation (Of course only if it is brought to their attention at hearings) - again the court won't be interested in what is actuly done or said at mediation - only whwther the parties are moving toward a resolution.



Also keep in mind, of the applications which are actully filed in court, the vast majority (over 90%) settle by consent - in other mediation continues to occur right through the process until the court makes orders.

Another point to remember - even though you may not think mediation will not produce an acceptable agreement, it is often useful to find out what the objections the other party has.

I would also note that as has been pointed out, an attempt at mediation is compulsory for the applicant be filing. The is nothing in the law to say the respondent must attend or even negotiate in good faith.



And don't get too caught up in "she didn't agree before so it is too late now". Even though this offer of mediatio is likely to have occured becasue if Legal Aid is involved, they usually insist (at least in NSW) on the Legaly Aided party participating in a Legal Aid Conference as a condition of ongoing Legal Aid Grants.

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