This just sounds like trouble making to me, so its all ends up too hard and with what sounds like reasonable excuses not to let the daughter go to you.
As far as I can see it has nothing to do with the ex where your child sleeps when she is with you unless there are allegations of misconduct pending then she wouldn't be going anyway. I too think she is calling your bluff.
It's really up to you and your daughter to work out who sleep where. She may have fun 'camping' on the sofa or a mattress on the floor in her sleeping bag. You are allowed to be creative! As long as the environment is safe and appropriate to inhabit.
I don't think there can be a problem legally.
If you have shared long term responsibility especially then surely this is up to you to be trusted to work out for yourself?
How can I get the boys' father to have more contact?:
Sadly for my sons you are all probably correct and there is nothing I can do that Im not already doing, so I should stop trying to push 'shit uphill' so to speak and just accept that his sons dont mean as much to him as I would like them too. I am sad that one woman can exert such an influence and that he allows it at the expense of his children. I am lucky my current husband loves the boys as his own and is happy to raise them. So I need to focus on that now. Thanks for your comments it has helped my see a little clearer.
How can I get the boys' father to have more contact?
Please help with some ideas. Everything I am trying (bargaining, pleading, guilt, empathy) is not working in my effort to advocate for my children to see their father more than they currently do.
Initially, 2 years ago, we had fairly standard orders of contact every second weekend and half the school holidays and any other time as agreed in between.
We have shared parental responsibility. I was always pretty liberal with how much contact the boys had, realising the importance of having this time with their father.
Since meeting his new partner he has seemingly lost interest and I am fighting an uphill battle on behalf of my kids to get him to see them more. You see contact went from fortnightly to every three weeks apparently due to his roster and the fact that over time he has moved house further and further away and therefore took longer to travel.
When he moved in with his new partner he refused to give me his new address where the kids would be staying, even though its in our orders to keep each other informed of such things. During crisis situations when I have asked for his assistance to care for the boys he has made excuses not to help, telling me they are my new husband's and my family's responsibility.
He will not however allow my new husband to 'adopt' the boys yet he will not commit to being a proper 'father' himself.
I am so frustrated and I hurt for the boys.
A few months ago he announced he was relocating to a country town a days drive from us. He therefore would not see the boys at all until school holidays and then only 1-2 weeks depending on his roster. He seems to think the boys have to fit into his and his partner's roster or he will not be able to see them at all.
More recently I requested he have the boys for a few months full time in the new country town so they could experience living with him and get to know him better and feel what its like having their father to themselves. He has again said no with the excuse that removing them from their current environment will be detrimental to their well being. ( I had already considered this issue and in terms of risks and benefits I believed the risk of changing schools etc. to be outweighed by the gain of living with their father for their emotional well being).
I am at a loss as to the best way to continue to advocate for my boys for more meaningful contact other than 4 times a year.
Is it worth pursuing this in Court now there is a new system in place? Can the Family Court put more obligation back on him to have more contact with his sons? What does one do when the other party does NOT WANT the shared parental responsibility?
Parents rights and responsibilities to each other: FRC
Does not the Court look at what's reasonable for a parent?
That is what I am trying to find out really, regardless of the fact the address issue is in our orders and he has breached that… does not a parent have a duty and obligation to know where their children are sleeping at all times?
I have asked a few non-separated parents about this issue, and they strongly say no matter if its a family member or not… they would always want to know where there children are… so i'm wondering why would or should it be different for separated parents?
Or do we have to compromise some of our basic parenting responsibilities to our children, like they are cut in half?
The local FRC is about 2 hours away so when i contacted them it was completely unreasonable to attend given the distance, childcare and working.
Should I maybe consult another solicitor? I want it resolved sooner rather than later, but i just read in the Sunday Times there is a 12-18 month delay for hearings. It's ridiculous.
Do any lawyers do mediation that you have heard of?
My ex husband and I have shared care of our 2 young boys. We have consent orders that have worked really well until he got a new partner.
Now he is treating me as the enemy and all good faith etc gone out the window. He started breaching the orders, firstly changing the frequency of his contact..which eventually i conceded to every 3 weeks although he wanted a lot less.
Now he has moved house with his current partner and absolutely refuses to handover his address to me, even though its in our orders. He thinks I am a threat to his new relationship.
I have tried reasoning with him that I just need to know where my kids are when they are with him, and as far as I knew 'shared care' meant shared parental responsibility in that both of us are responsible for the boys, at all times, even in each others care.
A lawyer advised me to cease contact due to their age. I was also advised to put in a breach with the courts, but quite frankly don't have the energy and am waiting for him to take affirmative action so I can actually SEE he is motivated to have contact with them.
I am wanting to know is there anywhere that specifies co-parents obligations/rights… to each other in terms of shared care? Surely its a basic right as a parent to know where your kids are sleeping?