I would recommend that you all seek counseling especially as you have stated that the emotional abuse and bullying have been going on for years. The children more than likely have underlying issues that need to be brought to light. You yourself may have esteem and dependency issues given what you have said. Your husband would have to decide to attend counseling on his own terms. Don't forget your friends, they are there to help you through this. You may find that some friends mutual to your husband and yourself won't want to be "stuck in the middle".
I hope this advice has been helpful to you. Please remember it is only advice and need not be taken
I have just found out that I can make a claim on high costs for access to children once Final Orders are made. That is if the children remain Interstate. Example being the costs associated with flying the children to the state I reside in and then back ( must be accompanied by each parent one way). The link posted in an earlier post is excellent.
Hi all I have been doing research on the effects of Distance Parenting on Children. Unfortunately there is not a lot of raw data and statistics that i have been able to find. I do have a vested interest in this area. What i have been able to obtain is pretty much straight forward:
Children want more contact with the non custodial parent (excluding violence and abuse cases)
Children feel that their feeling are divided and should not be.
Younger children do not understand that the logistics involved may and can limit contact.
Even though positive re-inforcement is used to tell the children they are not to blame and are not loved any less there is residual guilt.
Both parent need to maintain strong and open lines of communication for the children's sake. This is ideal but not always possible.
Children tend to tell the parent they are staying with that they want to live with them. In the case of younger children this is more of a "what you want to hear" scenario. In the child's mind they see it as pleasing the parent.
There is many more unanswered effects in this area and i hope to find more. I believe that this research will benefit children and parents alike.
As MikeT said definitely at the very least make diary notations with dates, times and comments made. Even better SMS messages or emails. I was in a similar situation to you. I was paying way more than required (as I later found out). I was giving more and more in the mistaken belief that the children were benefiting. Anyway the X applied to the CSA and the amount I was paying was less through them. My X was livid when I started paying the amount that the CSA demanded and nothing more. Of course there was still the haircuts, new shoes etc whenever I had access, but, it was a hell of a lot less than i was paying in the start.
The information provided in the topic is invaluable for me as I have a Family Reporter session in April 2010. Thanks for all the relevant links and personal experiences. I am now not going in blind and naive. I did note that in the invitation it said that I could bring any other significant partner (defacto) along. Somehow I think it means it would be preferable and to my benefit to do so.
It is a gray area as there are no specific agreement regarding traveling arrangements. However, there is surely an agreement that say the father will have EG: B from 4pm Friday until 6pm Sunday. They would be binding and even though there is nothing about traveling arrangements you would definitely be at risk of contravention if the child(ren) were not return to there mother at the agreed time.
My circumstances are quite different to yours but I would like to show you another perspective. I travel 975kms to see my children and the interim orders do say that I must have them back at a certain location. 30kms can seem like a lot sure but I ask that you think long and hard before making a decision to refuse to drop off the child(ren). I am not aware of your circumstances, but, I strongly believe that you would end up in court if you refused to drop off the child(ren). Or at the very least if mum doesn't agree to pick up or is forced too you would be in court to battle over it.
I have sat in on cases where the parents argue over Pick up and Drop off. Given that it is only 30kms or so, on 2 of 3 occasions the Magistrate has ordered that the father Pick up and Drop off. The third occasion was Pick up and Drop off at a McDonald's Car Park by the father as the parents did not get along.
Always keep in mind Namaste that "it is in the best interests of the child". Obviously your daughter enjoys spending time with you and that would include the car trips as well.
I know it is frustrating for you but it leads to quality time with your daughter and that is the important point.
A well thought out response CrazyWorld. I was told that 2 of my 4 children were not mine by a close friend of the X. I weighed up the options and decided that as I had raised them from birth ( until we separated) that our children were ours, regardless. I couldn't justify the trauma and possible hatred from the children. If it is true then so be it, but, until the children are told ( if told) that I am not their biological father I am.
Even if it were to be true I could not abandon them and would always want to be a part of their lives. That would be their individual choices of course.
What can I do if I am aware other party is not going to comply with interim orders:
Leroy "parenting orders" made through mediation are generally not enforceable unless they are ratified by the FMC or FLCoA. In essence they are only good will agreements. 7 years is a long time to put up with this. I have a similar case running, but, interim orders were issued on the first hearing and amended on the second interim hearing. Perhaps you may need to join the SLR-R as there seems to be a lot that you need to discuss.
If there are current interim orders that state the children are to have phone contact with you then if that is not happening it is a contravention of court orders and can be submitted as such as an "Application in Case". Unfortunately as for the visit like me it is a wait and see issue. Once again if the children do not arrive as the interim orders state it is a contravention and should be entered as such to the FMC or FLCoA.
I hazard a guess that you had no legal representation during the lengthy time frame for mediation(s)? Baseless and false allegations are generally found out quickly by a good Magistrate. Common comments from a Magistrate on these would be along the lines of " Paragraph 16 XXXXXXXX has no support evidence".