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Post #29763 by malf on May 6th 2010, 10:17 AM (in topic “How to protect myself from future dishonest claims of abuse”)

How to protect myself from future dishonest claims of abuse:

Many thanks for all the feedback, advice and questions.  

Let me assure you, these are not personally formed views; I have solid evidence of what my ex-partner is doing.  I however have been fortunate that she eventually got some good advice and things have calmed somewhat.  Regarding your questions about her personality etc, I can say little except that some of the questions you ask do apply to a certain degree.  Unfortunately she is continually being badly influenced by third party people who do not know the situation or the law.   

My solicitor gave me the best advice right from the start, that being go through the FDR process.  Unfortunately my ex is trying to undermine this process by continually going to her solicitor and having me served with letters about what she wants regarding custody.  Each time this happens, my time with my son is significantly reduced.  She also seems to think that any letter from her solicitor is a formal agreement and legally binding.  I keep explaining to her that we need to go through the FDR process and that there will be no formal agreement until such time that both parties agree.  Eventually it got to the stage where I had to seek the costly services of a solicitor.  By all means, I am trying to avoid family court but it is out of my hands.  I am not dealing with one person; I am dealing with a person who is being influenced by many others.  As such, I am expecting to have to go to family court to get what is best for my son, not what is best for me.  I am not being selfish in what I want; I have very legitimate reasons that the family court would have to take into consideration.

I was the primary care giver of our son for the 6 months prior to separation and as such was the person he bonded with the most.  I am self employed and am able to provide the care that my son needs.  By this, I do not have to work during the days I have my son as my business only requires a maximum of two days of my time per week.  Do I want my son 50%? By all means yes.  I am fortunate that I have the luxury of being able to dedicate so much quality time to my son.

For now I will wait for our mediation session and hope that we can agree on a parenting plan.  On the other hand, I am aware that my ex is doing her best to get legal aid so she can take the fight further when I do not agree to her terms.  Sadly, this is not about what is best for our son; it is about selfish reasons and control.  I just hope that being calm and reasonable, as well as doing what is best for my son will see me through.

Many thanks.

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Post #29671 by malf on April 25th 2010, 8:03 AM (in topic “How to protect myself from future dishonest claims of abuse”)

How to protect myself from future dishonest claims of abuse:

Thanks rabbit,

I browsed the site for a couple of hours after posting and did read much about recording conversations.  

I have been keeping a diary since separation and already have a few valuable entries.  She is claiming emotional abuse yet is comfortable enough to take her shoes off, put her feet up on the lounge and talk to me when she comes to pick up our son.  I cannot begin to describe how all this unnecessary behaviour eats at me.

I think I will get myself a recording device and also try to get someone to come with me when I pick up my son tomorrow.  I also have been given evidence of what she intends to do.

My biggest problem is that in the past I have been too nice and too accommodating.  I will continue to remain calm and just hope that good prevails.


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Post #29667 by malf on April 24th 2010, 5:23 PM (in topic “How to protect myself from future dishonest claims of abuse”)

How to protect myself from future dishonest claims of abuse

Hi there,

I have been separated from my ex-partner now for two months and we are currently going through the FDR process with the next stage being where we meet to discuss and agree upon the parenting plan.  After some initial minor conflict between both parents, things seemed to be calm but as soon as my ex-parter realised that I had a good case to get at least 50% shared care, her attitude and intent changed.  FYI I have been the primary care giver for 6 months prior to separation.  My problem now is that my ex-partner is trying to alienate me from our 14 month old son and I am aware that she will refuse to give him to me next week as per our documented agreement that we currently have (not legally formalised).  I also believe she has no intent to provide me access until a parenting plan is formalised which will take at least 5 weeks.  I know there is currently nothing I can do about gaining access to my son, until such time that a parenting plan has been made into consent orders or there has been a ruling through Family Court. 

My problem however is that when my ex-partner decided she wanted to alienate me from our son, she also began to fabricate stories against me.  I have been made aware that she intends to phone the police next week claiming abuse when I come to collect my son as per our agreement.  Being abusive is the very last thing that I am, and obviously knowing this I would be particularly careful, but if she calls the police it will be her word against mine.  Is there anything I can do to protect myself from such an unfounded claim.  I have considered taking someone with me, but this is neither easy or practical.  I have also considered a recording device but am unsure whether its use is legal.  I no doubt intend to call the Police myself when I am refused access to my son, but know they can do nothing.  I will only request that it is put on file as I suspect that this behaviour will become a pattern.  I really don't know what to do to protect myself.  I only have our sons best interests in mind but it seems that selfishness has taken hold with my ex-partner.  Any advice would be much appreciated.



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