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Post #44967 by littleteds on April 26th 2012, 9:56 PM (in topic “Mother relocates and disconnects her phone”)

Mother relocates and disconnects her phone

In a nutshell, my Brother's ex partner who he has a 2 year old with, relocated 2 months ago to be with her new partner who she only knew for a month.  My Brother didn't try to stop her but there was no agreement made either.  He just trusted she would do the right thing and would work out a fair arrangement so he could see his child regularly.  In the last 2 months he has had her once overnight and 6 hours in a day.  This was only because they had to drive back to town on these occasions because they had to go to court (for her boyfriend).  So it was on their terms and my Brother just had to fit in with their schedule.  He is supposed to have his Daughter this weekend and he still hasn't given his child a birthday present as he never got to see her then.  He has been trying to call her for the last 2 weeks to set a time with her to meet but she has obviously avoided his calls.  She has now disconnected her phone.  She also seems to have a very controlling boyfriend who clearly has an influence on her decisions.  Also she has indicated she can't offer my Brother a firm commitment with visits.  It's a case of putting her new boyfriend first before her Daughter's Father.  The child adores her Daddy and she knows that.  What should he do now?  Call the police and assume she's missing even though that's clearly not the case.  He doesn't want to go through a legal battle because she would be hell to deal with for the rest of his life and she will hold it against him for sure.  She said a few times asking him to be patient until she got settled but how can he be patient when she won't answer his calls?  He just wants a civil arrangement and firm commitment even if it's on her terms (as long as there is some regularity to his visits with his child).  What should he do now or what are his rights?

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Post #44690 by littleteds on April 11th 2012, 9:16 PM (in topic “Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.”)

Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.:

Oh dear things seem to be getting worse.  The overnight idea has been shot down in frames.  The mother has simply stressed that she can't handle her Daughter being terrible upset (even screaming) when her Daddy said goodbye to her on his 6 hour visit with her.  My Niece was distressed of course and didn't want to leave him nor did she want to go back into her Mummy's arms.  So sad - but only natural for any child not wanting to leave their Daddy.  Naturally the Mother was stressed and couldn't handle seeing her Daughter so upset as they would have listened to her screams on a long 6 hour drive back.  So she is now saying that she won't let him have her overnight at all and it doesn't make sense because he agreed that he would just say her during the day (after she rejected an overnight stay).  In my opinion an overnight stay would improve the situation because the kid would start to miss her Mummy after two days away from her and hence the exchange process wouldn't be so upsetting.  Do you think?

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Post #44663 by littleteds on April 10th 2012, 5:33 AM (in topic “Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.”)

Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.:

I have read online about parental plans or parental orders.  Is this like an informal document to state a regular pick-up arrangement of the child between the mother and father?  Would it be reasonable if he asked to have her 2 nights (eg Sat and Sun) once a month?  Given he would have to drive 3 hours to collect her (if they met half way) and 3 hours to take her home he wouldn't get back until the Saturday afternoon.  It would give the child a rest from driving and a good chance to bond with her Dad and be more familiar with his home then meet the Mother back on Monday by say lunchtime.  So the Mother would have to drive 3 hours on Saturday to drop her off to Father and 3 hours back to her home and do the same again on Monday to pick her up.  Can't see how else it can be done?  Before she moved away he was supposed to have her once a fortnight but of course this is not practical now she is 6 hours away.  Anyone's advice on whether you think 2 nights a month is fair would be appreciated.  Of course my Brother will be speaking to a lawyer today for advice.

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Post #44650 by littleteds on April 9th 2012, 8:54 AM (in topic “Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.”)

Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.:

Thank you Boots.  I appreciate you taking the time to send me your thoughts on this matter.  I will check out the austlii website now.  So you think then an agreement should have been met between her and him before she packed up and left?  Is it wrong that she just took off and expected my Brother to accept it?  Basically he's given her the benefit of the doubt and trusted she will do the right thing by him.  But her decisions are dictated by her boyfriend.  One minute she is saying she feels guilty about him not seeing the child enough lately and next minute she's saying that the child is too young for overnight stays.  Excuses, excuses.  My Brother isn't aiming for her to come back as she has already made that move.  All he wants is for them to arrange a meeting place and have a consistent time schedule put in place eg once a month they meet half way which is still a 6 hr return trip for either party.  Ridiculous!  Given that I think he should be entitled to have the child 2 nights (each time he sees the child) to make it worth the trip and also to give the poor child a rest from all the driving.  Given she is so young it's important he sees her as regularly as possible so she doesn't forget her Daddy.  So sad. :(

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Post #44647 by littleteds on April 8th 2012, 9:24 PM (in topic “Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.”)

Mother recently relocated. Mother won't commit to a regular visit.


I am desperate for advice for my Brother who separated with his partner last year.  They have a 2 year old and she has met somebody who lives 6 hours away.  Recently she moved out there with him.  For last couple of months she has been out there and my Brother has only seen his Daughter twice.  In the beginning she said he would see his Daughter every 2 or 3 weeks. For the last 3 weekends she has told him she will be back his way so he can see his Daughter but at the last minute makes an excuse and says they can't make it.  She claims her car needs fixing and she can only rely on her new partner for transport.  Her partner is very busy with work and basically controls when she can and can't drive down so she can let my Brother see her Daughter.  At the moment all my Brother is asking is for her to commit to some sort of schedule that they can stick to.  He would be happy with once a month given the long distance but she can't promise anything at the moment and it doesn't help that she doesn't have a car and a controlling partner.  My Brother is trying to understand her situation and be patient and even offered to pay for her to catch a train but she wasn't interested.  I very much doubt her car will get fixed either as very old. Both parties don't have a lot of money and with the cost in petrol, it's hard to know how easy it is for him to see his Daughter regularly.  Is it unreasonable for him to expect to see her at least once a month and if so, at least for an overnight stay at his place to make it a worth while trip?  As she chose to live far away, should she be the one doing the driving or if he took her to court would they advise for them to meet half way?  She is also hesitant to let him have the child overnight as she is very clingy.  It's seems a long amount of driving if she won't even let her have the child for 1 or 2 nights.  The child loves her Daddy very much.  She's being very selfish and calling all the shots.  He's allowed to see her next week only because her partner has to come back for personal reasons.  If that wasn't happening then he would still be waiting to see his Daughter.  He asked to have her overnight but she said they are too busy and need to get back home.

What are my Brother's rights and what do you think a court would suggest in this situation???  Any advice would be appreciated.  He would rather avoid court and all he wants is a fair and civil arrangement but she keeps making excuses.  I predict things will get worse and he will hardly see his Daughter unless he takes her to court.  Just wondering if court will help or make matters worse? HELP!

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