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Post #12444 by granma on June 27th 2008, 4:30 PM (in topic “Financial abuse against spouses won't be tolerated: Hulls”)

Financial abuse against spouses won't be tolerated: Hulls: stereotyping

Dear D4E,

My intention was not to raise your hackles.;) I am well aware that this behaviour runs on both sides of the tracks and please believe me I had no intention of laying blame at the feet of men.  In general I love them… I married a great one the second time around and we are still in love after 11 years.

My comments are directed at the people, both male and female that have the mistaken attitude that partners and children are goods and chattel - not real human beings with rights of their own.  As in this case of my daughter - the right to pursue happiness in love and career and the right of the children to live their life without the offending parent's continual denegration of their other parent.

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Post #12438 by granma on June 27th 2008, 4:04 PM (in topic “Knowledge and Common Sense – special site Avatars?”)

Knowledge and Common Sense – special site Avatars?: grateful for input

While I am a new member to this site, I am unfortunately not new with the foibles of family law both old and new.  I am the second generation of four in our family that have experienced a fatal error in a first marriage which involved domestic violence - verbal, mental and physical.  Great hey.

I find myself now as a grandmother watching both of my two daughters going through the same thing and wonder what I could have done better to stop this circle being perpetuated.  I have been of help to one of my daughters in the preparation of many affidavits to save money for us and time for her barrister.

I am not looking for points on this site, I am looking for inspiration, new insite and perhaps some contribution from others that will enable my children and grandchildren to be free to pursue a life without being hampered by ex-spouses who's sole intention is to get mad AND even no matter how much money or time it takes.  I hope I do not step on any toes or violate any taboos.  Thank you.

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Post #12435 by granma on June 27th 2008, 3:49 PM (in topic “Contact exchange/handover violence and FCoA response”)

Contact exchange/handover violence and FCoA response:

MikeT,
Domestic violence in the process of happening would probably instigate a visit by the authorities.  My problem is with a child returning to her mum hysterical with the news that her daddy had told her he was going to kill her mummy (vehemently) by choking her and watching her die.  Certain members of the police force drink with members of the offenders family.  They say they have no evidence and cannot accept the word of an 8 yr old child.  It seems that unless there are outside witnesses to these actions, the victimisation can continue.  I am at a complete loss.

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Post #12434 by granma on June 27th 2008, 3:37 PM (in topic “Child Support ... Ex in NZ”)

Child Support ... Ex in NZ: To chase or not to chase

The situation you find yourself in is extremely common.  Without knowing your own personal financial situation or your ability to have full time employment, I can only tell you what I did when faced with the same situation in my own life.  I chose to support myself and my children without depending upon my partner's monetary help.  This decision cut a great deal of anxst and wasted breath out of my life.  I started in a job as a typist and worked up to a career in graphic design with no formal training - all hands on and self gained skills.  I found my self esteem increased tenfold and my quality of life unrivalled.  It is a hard road to take but well worth it in the long run not only for yourself but as a role model for your children.

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Post #12426 by granma on June 27th 2008, 3:02 PM (in topic “Financial abuse against spouses won't be tolerated: Hulls”)

Financial abuse against spouses won't be tolerated: Hulls: justice or just legal adeptness?

verdad said
The counter to discrimination is evidence, or, the lack of it.

The appeals process allows for an accountability of judges decisions. Admittedly running an appeal is not simple, yet it is available. Should these checks and balances not address injustice the the High Court is the terminus.

When judgements are found to be in error they are often retried in parental cases, property matters can be minimaly admended. It's a long journey but if evidence is available it is the key to the just realm. Holding back evidence at a trial is not a good strategy.

Whatever the outcomes we all receive that are based in reason, if not, they are reviewable.

Considering these issues without allowing one's predjudices to overide the facts is the challenge, identifying the real issues below the generalities could be a more significant conversation.
 

Your presumptions would be correct but only if people did not lie when giving their evidence.  Many affidavits and testimonies given are fictional and composed with the sole purpose of deceiving the courts so that the partner can inflict further distress and violence against their victim/s.  I have watched this in action and the FM has been taken in completely by the husband's 'poor me' role.  Hence, two years of litigation, heartache and $80K while the lies get exposed for what they were and the orders get adjusted.  Recovery for the victims is never an option, the scars never heal.  My vote is for a thorough investigation prior to court decisions being made and spouses/children lives are thrown into turmoil.  But this will never happen because the costs would be laid at the government's door and not the couple's involved.

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Post #12425 by granma on June 27th 2008, 2:36 PM (in topic “Contact exchange/handover violence and FCoA response”)

Contact exchange/handover violence and FCoA response:

the promptness with which domestic violence is dealt with is directly linked to where you live. In large townships and cities, with more anonymity, the police are likely to respond in a timely fashion. In smaller communities in the bush, it is found that police are reluctant to get involved because they have connections of some sort with either the perpetrator or the victim.

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