Thankyou for your reply petite diable. I think I'd rather know the truth. Hubby had already made up his mind if he was to have the test he wasn't going to tell the child or his mother. It was just so that he knew the truth and that thef element of doubt was removed from the situation, at least from his point view. I do feel that fathers need to have the right to DNA tests either pre natally or at birth. This may save ALOT of heart ache and money for men who have doubts.
Jayden, it is not "pathetic" to question paternity. When the child in question looks indigenous and both the mother is white, and the father is also Caucasian. As the child has grown older he has no common features to any of his paternal siblings. Nor paternal cousins. This does not mean that looks alone a cause to get DNA test but it does contribute to the doubt. Especially if the mother is constantly giving reasons to exacerbate that doubt. My hubby's motivation for a DNA test was to have peace of mind. He had already decided what he would do regardless of the result. He would be a dad to his son. At a later stage turned out if he was not the biological father he would tell his son the truth. Hubby wanted to have closure on an issue that has bothered him from day 1 of the child's life. That is why he wants the test.
As for centerlink - some benefits are the same but most including all family tax is reduced significantly (to the minimum payable) if there is no father on the birth certificate UNLESS a very good reason in given. This requires an interview with a social worker to be acceptable.
I apologize if text is missing, I'm typing on an iphone (daughter smashed my MacBook keyboard!)
The truth. Is the outcome we would like. When all this "mother" has ever told is lies. Lies which the judicial system has upheld. This is a mother who, when the boys ORIGINAL father refused to sign the birth certificate, went to what she called her "backup." "the real dad ran away, centerlink won't pay me if I don't have a name." then played a game of; "oh but he might be yours anyway," "no he's not, yes he is, oh no he isn't yours. 12 years of manipulation
Yes it takes more than biologicics to make a man a father. This man has been the best dad he can be and will continue to be despite the manipulations of a misguided cruel woman - a woman that truely believes that giving birth made her the best mother in the world.
Being a parent is something that you learn, work at and try everyday to be better at. Biologics are only part of it.
With all children there are inherited characteristic. Traits which skip generations and may resurface. There are dominant and recessive features which provide us with those unique things that give us our identity. Along with those inherited characteristic there are also inherited diseases and conditions. These have also recently come to light through family research. When there is doubt there is uncertainty.
Two woman got a pay out of $50,000 because their children had been mistakenly tagged as belonging to the other mother. Thousands of men every day get fraudulently lead to believe a child is theirs and get victimized for wanting to know the truth. Why? Because it makes women feel threatened? "How dare those males question my authority? My integrigity? My reality?" is that what the women arguing against DNA tests believe? Fathers deserve better and deserve the right to know the truth. What they decide to DO with that truth is another matter. Yes, 4mydaughter I have spent hours with my hubby thinking up EVERY possibile scenario - at the end of the day it is his choice - I support him with what ever choice that may be.
Jayden - you have issues. This is a constructive forum - not a forum to berate and name call fellow members.
I can understand your points. Hubby has been debating this issue for a long time. He has said to me that he wants to know the truth. End the doubt, stop the manipulation. He has requested dna tests previously and got assaulted by the mother for asking. The behaviour of the boys mother has affected out other 4 children, both our jobs and has dominated his life for the last 12 years and mine for the last 3. The lad is estranged from us, no longer refers to his dad as dad. The mother has insisted that the lad not call his dad "dad" and her husband of 18mths is "a better dad than you will ever be." just knowing the truth either way will help.
Dearest members, I have been searching through the forums and am having problems locating information regarding this heart breaking issue. After 12 years hubby is finally wanting to confirm whether or not his 12 yr old son is his. I was wondering if there were other dads in this same situation who, had either gone through or were going through this process. The lads mother has effectively estranged dad from his son, despite litigation and orders. It wasn't really until the birth of our daughter that he really realized his son didn't look anything like either him or the lads baby sister. Just hope some one may be able to share their experience. Ps darling daughter killed my MacBook so am iphoning this post - please excuse grammar etc :-)
The Smart Step-Parent: Knowing Your Place in Your New Family:
In short I think it comes down to what the children feel comfortable calling step parents.
I do think that when one parent is saying to the child don't call your father DAD you call him by his first name. That is when it can become destructive. As for your ex saying I hope my partner replaces you - so not cool on many levels.
My partner expresses those same concerns, given that as he only gets to see his son for 48 hrs every two weeks the title of dad is very precious to him.
When there is another man being substituted into that role by the mother and she is actively encouraging the child to call that man Dad then it can be very confusing for the child.
There is varying schools of thought on this but basically if the kids are happy then go with what the kids say
In our house if I am referring to the step-father it is by his first name & Dad is Dad, and his mother is his mother. Keep it professional. I don't know what terms are used on the other side. Although we get the impression that step-dad is 'dad' and real dad is 'first name.'
It's a really tricky situation. As according to Facebook it is against the rules - but apparently rules don't apply to some parents. But we are dealing with a fundamental right to safety and privacy. A concept that some children don't quite understand. What I can't understand is the ignorance of people to publish identifying photo's and information about their own children on a major public forum. No section 121 there!!! My Son has a FB page & as part of our agreement to him having one I monitor it. (Very informative about teenage language i might add) But every now & then I'll let him know that "mate that pic you put up? Not great." "Would you stand in the middle of the shopping centre and yell what you said on Facebook out loud??" Thankfully he is getting smart about what he says and doesn't say. And Safe topics like motorbikes & our neurotic animals feature in the "status". I was the same first report gone within 24 hrs - second & third still waiting! I was wondering if it may be appropriate to mention it to solicitors. As it is of concern to us - incidentally the Boy doesn't appear to know about it. But that isn't saying much - he has two worlds in his mind & the Facebook page is in his mothers world and we won't ask as it will cause unnecessary upset.
Facebook DO have a policy that concerns under age pages. If you have an existing account you can find the profile page in question and report it - it is best to use the under age reporting page. Given the problems with children being targeted by extremely questionable people it is important that they aren't exposed any more than they are already. If kids genuinely want to have the social networking the the Parent can have a page & the child 'interact' through that. This is however my personal opinion. I am STILL awaiting a result of this Facebook mark 2 page. It is still there. Not happy about that to say the least!!!
I know that children are NOT property that can be gifted. Children are gifts and not chattels. I would hope though that the 'lives with parent' in this case would understand that IF the boys dad were to pass away that his fathers family didn't die with him and of course the same courtesy would be reciprocated, if she were to pass away. Thank you though for clarifying it some what for me.