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Post #51888 by bbop on January 26th 2015, 10:56 PM (in topic “Parental Isolation and Sabotage”)

Parental Isolation and Sabotage

Hi everyone,

I am a first time mother, now divorced.
Through the family court, my only daughter was put into her fathers care and my parenting right has been completely taken away.

My family and the community totally exclude me from all family activities, I am never invited to birthday parties, christmas functions since this happened.
My life is in complete disaster and dissarray - I have not only lost my only daughter from my life but have been completely rejected and abandoned by my own family and excluded from all family life.

This is NOT the situation which I feel is appropriate or fair to me being a first time, doting, loving mother who has done nothing wrong.
It is community abuse!!

I am now completely isolated from all family life.
I have no 'family members' whom I have contact with!!
I am in constant anxiety, stress and emotional trauma.

My own family completely disowned me, for no reason and so I feel I have 'fallen off the earth' totally.

Has anyone else experienced this very painful, upsetting and traumatic experience of having your only child / children taken from you for no reason and the being spontaneously abandoned by everyone you know??

I felt so happy being a parent and raising my daughter.
We were a very happy sole parent family and were busy and productive in our local community.
I had no problems finding and accessing appropriate support services for us and simply loved being a mother to my daughter, so much.
It was as though, I was frowned upon for being a single parent and so was not able to find other families to associate with.
I do not really know why, other mothers in mothers groups did not 'like' me and my daughter or wish to welcome us or socialise with us.
Now I believe it was a conspiracy to sabotage my parentage to give my child to her father, and - it worked.

If anyone has great coping strategies for this, apart from signing up to be a foster parent, I would love to hear your ideas.
If you can refer me to any support groups, also, that would be appreciated.
I am not sure how to describe this situation.
It is really like a state of suspended animation, and I think, shock.
I am very traumatised and upset by peoples coldness and their callousness.


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Post #51887 by bbop on January 26th 2015, 10:36 PM (in topic “Family Report”)

Family Report:

Hi help.worried -

I appreciate your question, and, in hindsight I would have probably sought to get advice about family report interviews also, since I was not happy with the reports produced by family report writers in our family law case.

Be warned that family reports are heavily relied upon in the court process.

It is in your best interests to be as prepared for these meetings as you possibly can and if you can, to review the reports before they are put forward to the court so that you can make any comments, queries or objections to how your material is presented.

Unfortunately, in my matter, I did not have the time or resources to object to all the material being collected and provided to the court, and felt powerless in that regard to stop false reports from being put forward.

Be very very careful and mindful of what you say to family reporters. Depending on the bias of the matter, your words could be used against you in the most horrible and frustrating ways imaginable and used to frame your character in a negative way throughout the case and on into the future.

For example ; in my matter, regarding my only daughter, I was asked about parenting activities when she was a toddler and in my sole care. I casually mentioned that I had been providing a 'home school' environment for my daughter while she was toddler age. This was later used against me and turned around to sound like I never had any intention of putting my daughter into school - ever and that I was preventing her from socialising with other children. Of course, this was total rubbish, but it slipped through and even effected the Judge's final decision and was mentioned in his final judgement.

Also, when asked about your plans for the future regarding where you wish to live. Do not EVER say anything regarding thoughts of moving ANYWHERE, this will ALWAYS be used against you even if it is only a thought. As I discovered in my court case. My thoughts of wishing to move interstate were constantly referred to and used against me to make me sound unstable and unwilling to folow court orders or cooperate and share parenting of my child with her father. The best response to such questions is, I live in my own home and am never going to move out of it. (Be Warned!!)

Finally, if you possibly can, do not tempt fate and risk being mis-quoted by an ambitious family reporter. Ask at the outset of the first meeting for your interview to be audio-taped. This will allow you to go back over and find sections of the interview in which you were mis-quoted or your comments and statements turned around to make your character 'sound' a certain way.

You do have the option of replying to a family reporters report about you, and any document put forward to the court about you - if, it is possible you have time or legal representation and means to do so. You can ask them to change the parts of the document you object to, or to withdraw their document altogether. If you ask them to withdraw the document altogether then you will need to request a change to the family reporter making the report, which you can also do.

It is probably beneficial that any interview you have with a court ordered reporter is backed up by a report from an independent professional who can make statements which are in support of what you have said. For example you could be seeing a life coach or psychologist counsellor and then ask them to make an independent report to the court covering all the topics which the court ordered family report writer discussed. I am not certain if they allow independent reports to be lodged, but as I understand, they cannot stop you from doing this, and it could protect you from bias in the case if you are self-represented or un-supported.

Further be wary of mentioning any health conditions that you have or making these a focus of your discussion with a family reporter.

Ideally couples which go to the family court to fight about their children should realise that it is ideal if one person totally loses, so they are looking for someone to 'kick out', as it were. Family court processes try to find the best way to weaken one side and they look for any possible flaws and fully exploit those.

Prepare to be humiliated and ruined in family court processes if you do not have legal support.

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