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Post #18360 by Tira on December 8th 2008, 5:04 PM (in topic “Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old”)

Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old:

Yes something had to be done.

We are facing almost 8 weeks of school holidays and my daughter will be with her father (near her grandfather) for 50% of that time.

CSA should not come into it, but it is a factor to be considered. It could be seen as a ploy by myself to minimise her dads time, over the coming month/s.

I felt I needed to really place all my thoughts/cards 'out there' and I have no one I can confide in so here/this forum was where I chose, to collect my thoughts.

Again I thank you all for you points of view and advice.

This afternoon I called the grandfather, with a short, prepared assertive statement written in front of me.

I read it to him and was responded to with the expected response of, "Oh, I have no idea what you are talking about".

My objective was not to lay accusations, it was to flag the fact my daughter has spoken up, that she is uncomfortable in his presence. And that under no circumstances is he to make himself available to have my daughter over night. That he is NEVER to be alone with her, and that is her wishes.

I have not told my daughter I called, and I am in no hurry to tell her. I don't want her trust betrayed. But at some stage I would like her to know I did do something, that her well being and safety is more important to me than almost anything.

At this point in her development her trust is more important than her knowing I am prepared to make the hard calls. If she doesn't trust me, I can't be there at the right time. I lost my mum when I was 13, I know what it is like having no one there to bat for you, but more importantly to not have anyone you could trust.

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Post #18340 by Tira on December 8th 2008, 7:15 AM (in topic “Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old”)

Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old:

First off thank you all for your understanding, support.

My daughter has experienced her step-mother's 'bi-polar episodes' previously.  When the step-mum is on her meds all is good. But she doesn't like taking her meds and comes off them; eventually there is a 'melt-down episode'.  My daughter is happy to give her step-mum all the chances in the world, she understands it's 'not her, it's her step-mums condition' and if step-mum  is on her meds all is well.

It's more the granddad situation.  My daughter made me promise not to tell anyone; this was the only condition she would confide in me. I don't feel I can just scrap that promise; she needs to feel she can trust me, no matter what.

But … it's a hard call!

I don't feel I am betraying her trust in letting the grandfather know the rules, and the main rule is; He is NEVER to be alone with her, in any situation, his home or other.

This is my daughter's wish, no drama just never to be alone with him. He is fine when there are people around and she feels safe then.

We have set up an emergency code that if she ever is taken there again, she can SMS or call me with and I will go straight to her and pick her up.

And yes some counselling is a good idea, as all this is way too much on a kid who really just wants her mum and dad to be together and happy.

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Post #18322 by Tira on December 7th 2008, 9:04 AM (in topic “Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old”)

Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old:

Sorry if I didn't make it clear … in my original post:

My daughter lives with me 150kms away from her father, who has her every 2nd weekend and 50% of the school holidays.

Last visit my ex's new partner who is bi-polar had a 'melt-down' and was very nasty to our daughter, saying some very cruel and spiteful things.

To alleviate the situation, as quickly as possible and not recliner any of his contact hrs my ex took our daughter to his fathers, who lives just around the corner from him. My ex's thinking was; she would be close so he could see her during the course of the weekend, yet safe from the attacks coming from his partner.

My daughter has decided she doesn't like the advances from her grandfather, she is not handicapped.  She doesn't  wish it to be turned into a 'public / family - situation'. I on the other hand don't care if it is turned into a situation and wish to face this man and let him know I know and it STOPS now.

I never want him to make himself available for my daughter to stay over ever again. My daughter doesn't want to stay at his place ever again.

At the moment we are about to start an SSAT process (at my ex's instigation) over child support/access. My ex has been claiming/paying at 50% shared care when its  more like 20% his way. I have had enough of trying to cope on the lesser amounts of child support and FTB ect so I logged a COA with CS.

I am really worried if I go to my ex with this he is just going to think I am making it up to reduce his time with our daughter even more. So if possible I just want to face this man (the grandfather) and tell him the rules!

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Post #18319 by Tira on December 7th 2008, 7:13 AM (in topic “Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old”)

Grandfather inappropriately touching 15-year-old

Not sure where to ask this, but here seems a start.

My 15-year-old daughter was staying with her father, and his new partner who is bi-polar had an 'episode' on her last visit. The new partner targets our daughter during these episodes.

To relive the situation my ex took our daughter to stay with his father. I only found out this week that in the past the grandfather has touched my daughter inappropriately, and again during this visit.

How can I legally make sure this doesn't happen again.  Is an AVO the answer ?

On the surface I thought my ex came up with a great option to the situation. He was able to keep our daughter 'in his care' but was able to remove her from the 'attacks' she was receiving from his partner.

My daughter only broke down at told me about this and the other occasions this week, when I was talking to her about what a good idea it was of her fathers, to send her to her Pops. My ex lives about 150kms away from myself; and his dad is just around the corner, from him. The only other option was my ex gave up his time with our daughter.

I plan to approach the grandfather, and make it very clear he is to never be alone with my daughter. I want to be able to threaten him with further action which will be very public. What I want is to make sure he is never alone with her, under any circumstances.

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Post #17887 by Tira on November 16th 2008, 7:48 AM (in topic “Child Support - School Fees”)

Child Support - School Fees:

Thanks for the link Mike …

In the Guide I read:

The payer is claiming credit under section 71C for an expense which they have undertaken to pay in addition to their liability as specified in a child support agreement.


Can this section apply, if my ex agrees? It is the only way I can financially manage it.

Can he chooses not to claim it as a credit off his child support amount ?

His parents are offering to pay the school fees, I believe its them that really want our child to go to the same school as my ex.

But I cant agree if it will reduce my income, in anyway.

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Post #17865 by Tira on November 15th 2008, 8:59 AM (in topic “Child Support - School Fees”)

Child Support - School Fees

My Ex wants to send our son to a private school. I can't afford this but would love for him to go.

The school fees are more than his child support amount - would this mean I lose all (direct) child support income from him.

Also, because the school fees are more than his child support amount, would anyone know if that means I then lose a percentage of my Centrelink benefits, as the payment of school fees will be seen as income?

I'm just getting by as it is, I can't afford to reduce my income, child support and Centrelink.

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Post #17750 by Tira on November 12th 2008, 9:59 AM (in topic “SSAT (child support) hearing procedure”)

SSAT (child support) hearing procedure :

Thank you Duncton for such a lengthy report of your experience.

I too have received what I think to be the complete CSA documents but there are no financial reports / document in it at all.

I have no financials to report on, never had a credit card (ex my bank ATM credit/debit card with visa). I rent, I/we never owned any property so there was no property split.

I'm a single stay at home mum on benefits.

He however works F/T has just bought a home and a boat all on finance. Should there have been info on this?

The only thing relating to finances in the file from the CSA was his own hand written monthly balance sheet. Where interestingly enough, he claims to be responsible for 100% of both the boat and housing loan. After food and other living costs, he claims to be a few hundred short per week. I know for a fact he is joint owner of the house with his new partner, maybe this is where he will come a tad unstuck at the hearing.

I truly to scrape at the end of the pay fortnight to make sure I have bread & milk some weeks.

I have not yet been asked to provide any bank statements, I am afraid of the part where others in the household are required to present their financial information.

My 2 adult children live with me. I have not told them any of this drama -  but if I need to supply their financial info then I will have to tell them. Them knowing will almost guarantee my 15 y old will find out and it will most defiantly adversely affect her.

I still feel I need to find a solicitor or someone experienced with the SSAT (in Sydney) so I can prepare for this hearing.

Oh also how long after the phone conference pre-hearing was actual hearing held?

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Post #17706 by Tira on November 11th 2008, 6:32 AM (in topic “SSAT (child support) hearing procedure”)

SSAT (child support) hearing procedure :

I fully intend on being a party to the proceedings. I have been sent a letter asking if I wish to be or not. I have also received my booking phone call, for the pre-hearing conference.

I just feel I should have some advice before hand; I need to be prepared, I believe this process and decision is not something to take lightly. To challenge the outcome will almost be impossible.

It's almost a one shot process.

The comment about the CSA representing me was just one in a number of comments I found questionable, during the time I took looking for some legal advice (which I still don't feel I have yet).

I was also told, by random solicitor/s that no legal advice is allowed, no legal representation or accompaniment is allowed.

I would really like to know how to find a solicitor/advice who is familiar with the SSAT (Child Support) in Sydney.

Annie:

I have read parts of your situation and feel for you. I will say thank you for sharing your experience, I hope I can be wiser for 'meeting' you/ reading of your experiences.

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Post #17694 by Tira on November 10th 2008, 7:54 PM (in topic “SSAT (child support) hearing procedure”)

SSAT (child support) hearing procedure :

When it was explained to me that the SSAT was my last course of 'easy recourse' I felt I needed to source legal advice.

My first call was to Legal Aid and they promptly told me they could not represent me, for this matter -  Ethical Reasons …

I then started to phone around and it was during this adventure I was told by a solicitor, that I would be represented by CSA. As in fact it was not myself that was being represented or being defended it was the CSA.

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Post #17684 by Tira on November 10th 2008, 3:32 PM (in topic “SSAT (child support) hearing procedure”)

SSAT (child support) hearing procedure

Is there any place that has some detailed info on the SSAT (child support) hearing procedure?

I have the leaflets, but what I really want to know is not in those.

What info are you requested to provide?

what info do they access themselves?

I have heard of them even accessing/using housing loan applications form the past.

I was also told that CSA will be representing me, as the application was lodged about/against the CSA decision. Not directly against me.

My Ex who lodged the application, is being advised / represented by Legal Aid - should I get legal assistance too?

Also, will I have to provide personal / financial information from those who live with me; ie adult children.

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