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Post #30937 by Schnappy on July 30th 2010, 9:20 PM (in topic “Guest considers that only fathers want shared parenting”)

Guest considers that only fathers want shared parenting:

 It is a sad time for children and mothers. If you look up the studies you will see that fathers are the only ones who are actually happy with shared care. Kids in shared care are far more likely to experience anxiety, depression, poor concentration and emotional/developmental problems due to the instability of going back and forth and conflict between the parents.

I've increased the text to appease some -

This topic started well but seems to be getting a bit heated & gender biased. The fact we have an excellent site like this demonstrates to me that Fathers are not actually happy with current shared care processes and are actively trying to improve the situation for everyone.

Let's not forget that many kids caught up in this started off in a happy stable family environment with a mum and a dad living together. I read that in a recent study 95% of children in shared parental care still wanted mum & dad to get back together. Wow 95%. In many cases (studies show) it is a lack of communication that breeds dissatisfaction in a relationship. If parents honestly thought about the consequences separation will have on their children and sought professional help for the relationship first as the courts are pushing, then maybe there would be less hurt children.

How many parents have decided to end a relationship with that declaration "I just want (other parent) out of my life" but now see them more often when delivering and/or retrieving children? The studies I've read have concluded that kids are far more likely to experience anxiety, depression, poor concentration, and emotional/development problems from separation and exclusion from the other parent. But are less likely to experience those things if their other parent is involved in their lives.

Some reports state that constant denigration of the other parent by the parent the child lives with often causes those same issues. . . .

To oceanluvva,

There seems to be a big focus here on winning over the other party. For both of you. No one can win here. Your child doesn't see their dad much. Ex Partner doesn't see his child much. And you suffer anxiety and want to move but can't.

Think of what you have - You are now happily married - I suggest you seek councelling for the anxiety and think about what your child wants.

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Post #30933 by Schnappy on July 30th 2010, 6:55 PM (in topic “Surveys about the emotional, psychological and overall impact of forced visitation on children”)

Surveys about the emotional, psychological and overall impact of forced visitation on children:

Further to CrazyWorld's comments, I've found this site a terrific source of reports, documents, surveys etc. It's number of documents is huge and they have helped me understand the process in relation to specifics as well as general issues.
By providing detail a member may direct or provide a link to the documents you are after or mention a specific judgement. Without detail you could wade through them till your eyes get heavy . . .

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Post #30729 by Schnappy on July 17th 2010, 11:40 PM (in topic “Time spent with daughter”)

Time spent with daughter:

WOW,

Ive read all the posts and this looks like a really complicated one and you mentioned previous AVOs so it looks there much more to it.

I dont want to sound rude but if I had to drive 1000km 4 days a week for a 2.5 hour visit to see my child, because thats all the court would give. I would.
I know the latest theories on under 2 y/os and from my experience I believe it is hard to generalise without looking at each childs experience. In this respect, the courts are right. If at least one significant biological parent can form a bond, the child, the child will be fine. But thats not always the mother.
Eg a mother whos had negative experiences as a child may find it hard for her bond with her own child. Theres a big difference between caring for and nurturing.
The child will be desperate for love but the mother  for no fault of her own  is unable to return that love.
But if you are a dad who can nurture and take up the care, you must ask yourself what is most important for your Child? A career, or your child? A court may find that you are the best person to look after the child. Nothing is as black and white as it seems.

So Kalimnadancer is it better to ignore the Magistrate, keep a good job and whinge about the cost of court & driving?
Or sit back and think of ways to display to a magistrate that your son has actively attempted to work with the mother in the childs best interests. If she wont work with him thats her issue but if hes taken steps, such as courses to improve himself, even hitched with truckies to get there so not to inconvenience the mother or child. Looked at all other avenues for supervised visits, including her family, so he gets his hours and is are not late for them, Im sure a magistrate will take that into account, regardless of what the mother says.

Thats my two cents

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Post #30713 by Schnappy on July 17th 2010, 3:53 PM (in topic “What's happening to the FLWG?”)

What's happening to the FLWG?:

It's the cost involved with taking action in the courts that is staggaring. to have any chance you must have a good legal team, but the person who has taken your child(ren) can use legal aid. Deepest pockets wins?

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Post #30707 by Schnappy on July 17th 2010, 2:37 AM (in topic “What's happening to the FLWG?”)

What's happening to the FLWG?:

I'd put it down to the increasing number of IVO put out by the local courts. a person with a false alegation of family violence can be preoccupied with staying out of trouble and if details are posted, you can lose your case.

IVO's have become the standard too for women who just want to avoid saying goodbye and want to take the kids without explaining their actions.

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Post #30706 by Schnappy on July 17th 2010, 2:25 AM (in topic “An inconvenient truth: family violence study ignores effects of false allegations”)

An inconvenient truth: family violence study ignores effects of false allegations: Inconvenient Indeed

Yes, you've hit the nail on the head.
What I feel exacerbates the problem is the accessibility of Family Violence Intervention orders. These orders can be sought without a summons, which often means without the attendance of a respondent. It is very on sided and relies heavily on the honesty of an applicant who in some cases may have other motivations.
That is another  point. What are the motivations to fabricate a story of violence and cause so much anguish?  What is driving the escalation of accusations?
One point that was raised to me yesterday was that women cannot possibly comprehend the experience of these accusations. A man who one day has a job, a house, a partner he loves, and children he adores, and is their protector, can suddenly be cast out and lose everything in just 15 minutes when a policeman knocks on his door explaining he must leave because she's alleged he's done something. That man is no longer able to protect anything. His manhood is stripped bare and the courts won't listen to him until a contest hearing 3 months later. He is left worrying over little things like if his wife remembers to lock the childrens windows at night.



I've been following a recent case in a local Magistrates Court where a very reputable non-violent (verified by co habitants of the house) man who loved his family was booked and confirmed into a meeting by his wife so she could go to the court on that day and seek an IVO.
He didn't find out till a week later when he got a call from the police to attend the local police station and told he could not go home. As a tradesman he now had no home, no family, no tools = no income. So his business failed.



He was restricted from seeing his happy laughing 13-month-old son for 3 months. The son he had cared for and put to bed each evening for 13 months and fed and entertained each morning while his wife slept. The events portrayed to get the IVO were false but he is yet to give evidence at a contest hearing.



The reason she did this? I was told she met some women from her church some months earlier who had a history of the same thing a couple of times each with different men. They convinced her it was easy and she would keep the house, the furniture, and all the luxury items plus get both Centrelink payments and child support.



Why would a church group support this behaviour? It depends on the Church, but some AOG or Pentecostals thrive on this. I've witnessed these groups actively encourage women to leave stable non-violent environments and with false allegations of violence both women and men can get caught up with the attention & sympathy they receive. Family violence and post separation parenting seminars run by these church groups and others get funding from many sources and has become a lucrative industry in itself. But there are many other stakeholders, this is just how his story unfolded.



From my experience the Federal Magistrates Court system is geared towards counselling, mediation & dispute resolution to discuss issues and work out problems to ensure a cohesive separation or reconciliation but aim towards the best interest of children. But an IVO or allegation of violence works against this as it hinders & restricts the communication process. Sure an exception for counselling & mediation is included in an IVO but each side is so guarded by that stage particularly if allegations are false. For mediation to work there must be an element of trust. If one parent lies it's doomed from the start. until they face up to the consequencesof their actions


So what of this mans now 16-month-old son? He doesn't laugh so much now. Last I heard he doesn't see either his mum or dad much because she puts him in government paid childcare during the day and he stays with different church friends at night while she's looking for another partner.
His dad who loves him is a statistic of the system who up till recently is still fighting for his son but with a presumption of guilt until the contested IVO hearing. But without the money to take it to the family court, There seems nothing he can do.

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