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Fatherhood Foundation Newsletter - Issue 288


25 February 2008    Inspiring Fathers  Encouraging Families Issue 288
The Law of Unlimited Love
 
 

Welcome to the Fatherhood Foundation newsletter and email information service for the fathers and families as together we explore unlimited love...

In This Issue
Frontline...The Law of Unlimited Love
Laughter..Smart for his age
Grandfathers...Read the lyrics & watch the video
All You Need is Love..Hugs help
Single Dads...Standing strong in forgiveness
Special Feature...Love is the best anti-depressant
News & Info...Dads being noticed
Dad's Prayer..Love is the greatest
Next Week,   
  Iron John-The Masculine Journey
 
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Thought of the Week
     

 

A longer happier life

is yours for the taking

just by giving.

 

Dr Stephen G. Post

 

Frontline
  

Bob Sinclair, renowned DJ, had a worldwide hit in 2005 with 'Love Generation' an afro/dance anthem on the power of love. Perhaps Bob was just echoing the thoughts to the Carpenters number 1 hit 'What the world needs now is love, sweet love. It's about the only thing that there is just too little of'. Maybe this is the song that inspired Dr Stephen Post to found the 'Institute for Research on Unlimited Love' in Cleveland, Ohio in 2001 www.unlimitedloveinstitute.org   Perhaps it is better to let Dr Post speak for himself:

 

Our focus is love. Not any kind of love mind you, but deeply unselfish love for others. This is the kind of love enshrined in the golden rule and encouraged by the world's great moral and spiritual traditions. It lies within us, and only to the extent we bring it forth will there be a meaningful human future...

 

Ralph Waldo Emerson, in his famous essay on the topic of compensation, wrote, "It is one of the most beautiful compensations of this life that no man can sincerely try to help another without helping himself..." The 16th-century Hindu poet Tulsidas, as translated by Mohandas K. Gandhi, wrote, "This and this alone is true religion - to serve others. This is sin above all other sin - to harm others. In service to others is happiness. In selfishness is misery and pain."

 

Every major religion recommends the discovery of a deeper and more profound human nature, designated in various ways as the "true self." In Acts 20, we find the words, "'Tis better to give than to receive," and these echo down into the Prayer of St. Francis. Now science says it's so...

 

In one impressive study that began in 1956, 427 wives and mothers who lived in upstate New York were followed for 30 years by researchers at Cornell University. The researchers were able to conclude that regardless of number of children, marital status, occupation, education, or social class, those women who engaged in volunteer work to help other people at least once a week lived longer and had better physical functioning, even after adjusting for baseline health status. (Moen, et al., 1989)...

 

Strikingly, just thinking about giving seems to have a physiological impact. In the 1980s, the renowned Harvard behavioral psychologist David McClelland discovered that Harvard students who were simply asked to watch a film about Mother Teresa's work tending to orphans in Calcutta - a manifestation of profound compassion - showed significant increases in the 20 protective antibody salivary immunoglobulin A (S-IgA), when compared with those watching a neutral film. McClelland termed this the "Mother Teresa Effect." Moreover, S-IgA remained high for an hour after the film in those subjects who were asked to focus their minds on times when they had loved or been loved. Thus, "dwelling on love" strengthened the immune system

(McClelland, et al., 1988, p. 345).

 

Full article at It's Good to be Good by Stephen G. Post Ph.D

 

Lovework

 

I call what Dr Stephen Post and hundreds of other researchers around the world are discovering, 'The Law of Unlimited Love'. Love is the most powerful force in the Universe. It lies within each of us, waiting to be used. If you don't use it, you lose it, but if you use your love by giving it away, it multiplies. If you want to check your love creativity score, do the quiz . Better still put the law of unlimited love into action in your family and be a great dad and a better husband.

 

Yours for unlimited love

Warwick Marsh

 

PS. We aim to have a Men and Father's Family Friendly Policy Forum in Parliament House in mid-March 2008. If you are interested in receiving an invitation to attend please contact us at: info@fatherhood.org.au Space is limited, but we always do our best to include those with a passion for family-friendly policy change.

 
______________________________________________________________________________
 

Warwick Marsh  has been married to Alison for 32 years. He is the grandfather of two children and father of five children, four boys and one girl, ranging in age from 27 years to 15 years.  Warwick is a musician, songwriter, producer and public speaker who likes to think he can still laugh at himself.

Laughter
 

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.

Bill Wilson of Gold Coast, Australia was going up to bed when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. 

Bill opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things.

He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" and he said"No".

Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available. Bill said,"Okay," hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police again.

"Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I've just shot them." Then he hung up.

Within five minutes three police cars, an Armed Response Unit, and an ambulance showed up at the Wilson`s residence and caught the burglars red-handed.

One of the Policemen said to Bill, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"

Bill said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!"

 

Grandfathers
 

'Still The One' by Orleans

 

We've been together since way back when

Sometimes I never want to see you again

But I want you to know

After all these years

You're still the one

I want whisperin' in my ear

 

You're still the one I want to talk to in bed

Still the one that turns my head

We're still having fun and you're still the one

 

You're still the one that makes me laugh

Still the one that's my better half

We're still having fun and you're still the one

 

You're still the one that makes me strong

Still the one I want to take along

We're still having fun

And you're still the one (yes you are)

 

Changing, our love is going gold

Even though we grow old, it grows new

 

You're still the one that I love to touch

Still the one and I can't get enough

We're still having fun and you're still the one

 

You're still the one who can scratch my itch

Still the one and I wouldn't switch

We're still having fun and you're still the one

 

You are still the one that makes me shout

Still the one that I dream about

We're still having fun and you're still the one

 

You're still the one, Yeah, still the one

We're still having fun and you're still the one

 

Watch the video clip

All You Need is Love
 

Hold Me

 

Some close friends filed for divorce. When we explained the situation to our boys, they were confused and declared, 'We don't understand. They were so happy whenever we were with them.' I asked what they would do if they were married and their wife got upset and mad and even treated them mean. Without hesitation, my youngest Philip, declared, "I would hold her." How could a four year old know the security a woman feels when a pair of strong arms gently wraps around her!? When I am stressed or worried, my heart immediately softens if my husband simply holds me. I asked Philip WHY he would hold her. He explained that that's what Dad always says in the ceremony.

 

Philip had witnessed several of the vow renewal services that conclude our marriage conference weekends. As in a wedding ceremony, Sam leads couples to repeat their vows, "To have and to hold from this day forward". Unlike many married couples, Philip took these vows literally.

Single Dads

 

 

Standing Strong in Forgiveness

 

I promised I would write this article a few weeks ago but have been a bit caught up so please forgive my tardiness.   Since then I have been served court documents where my ex-wife has lodged an application with the court that I only have contact with our daughter, if she wants to.   This week I was knocked off my push bike by a car on the way to work. Praise the Lord for His protection as there were no broken bones only bruises.   The Lord tells us that He won't give us anything that we can't handle, but Lord I have enough right now.

 

Now the reason for writing: Reading your newsletter has angered, left me dumb founded and inspired me.

 

Angered and dumb founded from the point of view that men are now promoting father's are irrelevant and the perpetrators of all domestic violence, Alan Howe's article issue 284.   Where is the balanced view of the domestic violence committed by women against men?   If you follow the Domestic Violence brochure issued by the Family Court and Federal Magistrates courts of Australia.  

  • 'Family violence affects everyone in a family, including children'
  • 'Family violence can occur before during and after separation.'

  As well as physical and sexual assaults, family violence may include:

  • Verbal abuse
  • Threats
  • Harassment
  • Intimidation
  • Controlling behaviours such as limiting access to friends, relatives, finances etc.

This is certainly my experience.   It is 16 months since I have seen my 10 year old daughter, even though there are court orders in place for contact every second weekend and half of every school holidays.   All of the above 5 points have been used by my ex-wife to prevent our daughter contact with her loving father.

 

Inspired

  • by people like Warwick Marsh of the Fatherhood Foundation, Tony Miller of dads in distress, Barry Williams of Lone Fathers and every person fighting the good fight, championing the cause for children and their fathers.
     
  • Also articles like Jayne's story, issue 282.   In fact the day I printed out that newsletter I was thinking of just letting go of my daughter and praying that one day she would come and find me.   Reading that story through tear filled eyes was like having my spine re-aligned and strengthened with a steel rod.

In that inspiring movie Braveheart, William Wallace asked Robert the Bruce to 'unite the clans' to defeat the British.   It is time for men to unite in the common cause to defeat the evil of Fatherless Children in our wonderful country.   Mothers are equally important as fathers, I am not anti-mothers/woman but what we now have is inequality.   It took both a mother and a father to create our children therefore it must take both a mother and a father to raise them.

 

I believe this starts with forgiveness.   Forgiving ourselves for whatever was our failure in our marriage/relationship.   Even harder forgiving your wife/husband for all the things that have done that has hurt you.   If Jesus hanging on a cross for six hours suffering the most horrific death can cry out to His Father and ask that God to forgive those who killed Him shouldn't we forgive those who have hurt us?   Hard? You bet, but without this will we be able to focus on the BIG issue, the destruction of the family unit.

 

I agree with the apology to the Aborigines for the stolen generation, but will we ever see an apology for the stolen children by the Australian Government's Family Law Act?

 

Please everyone involved in this cause UNITE, there is power in numbers.   All it takes for the forces of evil to rule this world are for enough good people to do nothing

 

Yours in brotherhood

Andrew

Special Feature
 
The Power of Love
 

Love is the best antidepressant - but many of our ideas about it are wrong. The less love you have, the more depressed you are likely to feel.

By:  Ellen McGrath

http://psychologytoday.com

 

Love is as critical for your mind and body as oxygen. It's not negotiable. The more connected you are, the healthier you will be both physically and emotionally. The less connected you are, the more you are at risk.

It is also true that the less love you have, the more depression you are likely to experience in your life. Love is probably the best antidepressant there is because one of the most common sources of depression is feeling unloved. Most depressed people don't love themselves and they do not feel loved by others. They also are very self-focused, making them less attractive to others and depriving them of opportunities to learn the skills of love.

 

There is a mythology in our culture that love just happens. As a result, the depressed often sit around passively waiting for someone to love them. But love doesn't work that way. To get love and keep love you have to go out and be active and learn a variety of specific skills.

Most of us get our ideas of love from popular culture. We come to believe that love is something that sweeps us off our feet. But the pop-culture ideal of love consists of unrealistic images created for entertainment, which is one reason so many of us are set up to be depressed. It's part of our national vulnerability, like eating junk food, constantly stimulated by images of instant gratification. We think it is love when it's simply distraction and infatuation.

One consequence is that when we hit real love we become upset and disappointed because there are many things that do not fit the cultural ideal. Some of us get demanding and controlling, wanting someone else to do what we think our ideal of romance should be, without realizing our ideal is misplaced.

It is not only possible but necessary to change one's approach to love to ward off depression. Follow these action strategies to get more of what you want out of life - to love and be loved.

 

Recognize the difference between limerance and love. Limerance is the psychological state of deep infatuation. It feels good but rarely lasts. Limerance is that first stage of mad attraction whereby all the hormones are flowing and things feel so right. Limerance lasts, on average, six months. It can progress to love. Love mostly starts out as limerance, but limerance doesn't always evolve into love.

Know that love is a learned skill, not something that comes from hormones or emotion particularly. Erich Fromm called it "an act of will." If you don't learn the skills of love you virtually guarantee that you will be depressed, not only because you will not be connected enough but because you will have many failure experiences.

 

Learn good communication skills. They are a means by which you develop trust and intensify connection. The more you can communicate the less depressed you will be because you will feel known and understood.

There are always core differences between two people, no matter how good or close you are, and if the relationship is going right those differences surface. The issue then is to identify the differences and negotiate them so that they don't distance you or kill the relationship.

You do that by understanding where the other person is coming from, who that person is, and by being able to represent yourself. When the differences are known you must be able to negotiate and compromise on them until you find a common ground that works for both.

 

Focus on the other person. Rather than focus on what you are getting and how you are being treated, read your partner's need. What does this person really need for his/her own well-being? This is a very tough skill for people to learn in our narcissistic culture. Of course, you don't lose yourself in the process; you make sure you're also doing enough self-care.

Help someone else. Depression keeps people so focused on themselves they don't get outside themselves enough to be able to learn to love. The more you can focus on others and learn to respond and meet their needs, the better you are going to do in love.

 

Develop the ability to accommodate simultaneous reality.

 

The loved one's reality is as important as your own, and you need to be as aware of it as of your own. What are they really saying, what are they really needing? Depressed people think the only reality is their own depressed reality.

Actively dispute your internal messages of inadequacy. Sensitivity to rejection is a cardinal feature of depression. As a consequence of low self-esteem, every relationship blip is interpreted far too personally as evidence of inadequacy. Quick to feel rejected by a partner, you then believe it is the treatment you fundamentally deserve. But the rejection really originates in you, and the feelings of inadequacy are the depression speaking.


Recognize that the internal voice is strong but it's not real. Talk back to it. "I'm not really being rejected, this isn't really evidence of inadequacy. I made a mistake." Or "this isn't about me, this is something I just didn't know how to do and now I'll learn." When you reframe the situation to something more adequate, you can act again in an effective way and you can find and keep the love that you need.

 

Psyched for Success, 1 December 2002
Last Reviewed 6 Dec 2007
Article ID: 2486

 


 

 

 

News & Info

COMPASS: THE NEW DAD (Australian Men: Pt 1)
Sunday 24 February at 22:05 ABC1


ABC TV

Following the success of our three-part dinner series with women, Geraldine now turns her attention to Aussie men to find out what matters to them and what doesn't in the 21st century.
In episode 1: The New Dad, Geraldine invites five men to the table to ask: What does it mean to be a dad in today's modern world? Gone are the days when men brought home the bacon and were the unquestioned head of the household. Today the role of dad can be anything men choose to make it and in this episode we meet an eclectic group of dads who've come together to bare their souls about all things babies, bath-times and bedlam! A lively and profound addition to the great Australian values debate.

____________________________________________________________________
 
STAY-AT-HOME dads could get paid for their caring job as the Rudd Government orders an inquiry into government-funded paid maternity leave.
 
Read about :Paid Paternity Leave for Dads
 

_____________________________________________________________________________

 

When father does know best

Link to the Herald Sun Article

  Bill Muehlenberg

February 11, 2008 12:00am

 
A DD one part political correctness to two parts social engineering and three parts biotechnology and what do you get?

The redundant male.

Scientists in Britain say they are able to produce sperm without men.

As reported in New Scientist, British researchers say they can turn female bone marrow into sperm through the use of chemicals and vitamins.

The process may further smooth the way to cut men out of family life altogether.

But is in the best interests of the children?

More than four decades of social science research says no.

Simply put, father absence has been shown to be a major disadvantage to the wellbeing of children.

Consider some economic consequences.

In America, among families with dependent children, only 8 per cent of married couples were living below the poverty line, compared with 47 per cent of households where a female was the head of the house.

In Australia, a study was made of 500 divorcees with children, five to eight years after the separation.

The study found that four in five divorced mothers were dependent on social security after their marriages dissolved.

A Melbourne University study of 212 children found that fathers had a greater beneficial influence on children in their first year of school than mothers.

Criminal involvement is also greatly impacted by parental divorce and growing up with dad.

Another British study found a direct statistical link between single parenthood and major crime including mugging, violence against strangers, car theft and burglary.

From nations as diverse as Finland and South Africa, a number of studies have found that anywhere from 50 to 80 per cent of psychiatric patients come from broken homes.

And there is a much greater risk of child abuse when the biological father is absent.

In Australia, former Human Rights Commissioner Brian Burdekin reported a 500 to 600 per cent increase in sexual abuse of girls in families where the adult male was not the natural father.

With the rise of fatherlessness, Australia and the Western world have experienced a marked rise in social problems.

And the brunt of these problems have been borne by children.

We owe it to our children to do better.

Bill Muehlenberg is secretary of the Family Council of Victoria

_____________________________________________________
 

Report: British Children Estranged From Their Fathers

December 5, 2007 | From theTrumpet.com

A recent study reveals 26 percent of British boys and girls don't consider their father to be immediate family.

British children are growing disturbingly estranged from their fathers, according to statistics released in a recent report. The study, conducted by Newsround, a children's news program affiliated with the BBC, was released Monday.
Newsround editor Sinead Rocks said her crew members were "very surprised and a little disheartened" by the study's insight into British families. They found that one quarter of British children do not consider their father to be immediate family. Among lower-class households, the figure rose to one third ( Telegraph , December 3).

Newsround found that 76 percent of children would turn to their mothers "if something went wrong." Only 11 percent would turn to their fathers. The survey also showed that more boys look up to soccer players as role models (25 percent) than look up to their fathers (14 percent).

The survey sampled 1,000 children ages 6 to 12.

Many other scientific studies show what common logic or a deep conversation with a fatherless boy or girl already reveals: Children without involved fathers suffer. These children are more likely to drop out of school, more likely to become welfare-dependent, more likely to live in poverty and more likely to become violent criminals.

How did we reach the point where one in four children thinks of his or her father as outside the immediate family?

The soccer statistic leads to one clue: the media. While the god-making, profit-skimming machinery of mass media glorifies to the point of deification a young athletic male who is capable of doing one thing well, the masculine leading father has been sidelined and, in many cases, cut from the team altogether.

Trumpet editor in chief Gerald Flurry has emphasized the fact that fatherhood is " the core institution of our society." But that core is disintegrating. In many households, it is no longer there at all.

Try this experiment at home: Keep a pen and scrap paper next to your television remote. If and when you watch a prime-time show, summarize the role of the father, if there is one. Before you compile even a full week's findings, you might find yourself very surprised and a little disheartened.

The Western intellectual establishment and mainstream media corporations have hypothesized and pop-culturized the essential father right out of the Western family. Society has now "advanced" to a state where a masculine, loving, leading father is not only hard to find, but also considered archaic and even evil by experts in psychology, sociology, mass media and government. The best he can do on network television is perform the antics of a doddering clown.

Gerald Flurry has emphasized the imperative importance of fatherhood more than any voice crying out today. In a civilization where only 11 out of 100 children would think of turning to their fathers when they need help, his booklet Conspiracy Against Fatherhood becomes essential reading. This booklet reveals the causes of fragmenting fatherhood, going far deeper than the mass media's role.

For more on fatherhood, also read " The Best Man I Ever Knew " and " Daddy's Girl ." ·

Link to the Full article

____________________________________________________________________________
 

Open for Business - Western Australia.

 

Noel Giblett
BA, BSW, MAASW
0431 848 835

Coaching, Counselling, Psychotherapy &
Spiritual Direction
Groups, Workshops & Retreats

 

Noel Giblett BA, BSW, MAASW has commenced a private practice in coaching, counselling, psychotherapy and spiritual direction. His strongest areas of interest and experience are men's issues, couples therapy, personal growth and spirituality.

 

For further information phone: 0431 848 835

Email: noel@noelgiblett.com.au

 

Dad's Prayer
                   

Dear God

 

Do you mean to tell me

that I can live a longer, happier life

just by loving more?

Is that why you said that the greatest commandment

is to love you and the second is very similar,

to love our neighbour.

Maybe you are trying to tell us that

We are all made in your image and

as we respect others, we respect and honour you

And vice versa.

Now I get it . . .

That's why you said,

"These three things remain, faith, hope and love

but the greatest of these is love."

                     
Help Us!

The Fatherhood Foundation is a Harm Prevention Charity.
Fatherlessness and inadequate fathering has been proven to be a source of harm. The Fatherhood Foundation helps children by promoting excellence  in fathering. Excellent fathers are in word and deed: responsible, involved, protective, loving and committed to the well-being of their children and their children's mother.

 

If you would like to give financially to the Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund and receive tax deductibility:

 

Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund
(Name, address and amount details must be emailed for a receipt for tax deductibility)
Westpac Branch Wollongong
BSB: 032 695
A/C: 25-5558

 

Or mail cheque and address details to:
PO Box 440
WOLLONGONG  NSW  2520
AUSTRALIA

 

The Fatherhood Foundation Public Fund  is a public fund listed on the Register of Harm Prevention Charities under Subdivision 30_EA of the Income Tax Assessment Act 1997.

 

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