The Courier-Mail (Brisbane)
26 March 2011
Australian men are struggling with rejection in the bedroom says sex therapist Bettina Arndt By Greg StolzFeminist jurisprudence (law stuff) at work: Within marriage, and other marriage-like relationships, women can withhold sex, but new so-called family violence laws in several States make it criminal for men to withhold money.
Women who cook and clean for their men might be better off giving them what they really want sex - and that controversial advice comes from a woman, sex therapist Bettina Arndt.
Ms Arndt, who is coming to Byron Bay and Brisbane for a series of relationship talks, says Aussie blokes are struggling with rejection in the bedroom.
Ms Arndt interviewed 150 men for a new book, What Men Want In Bed, and found many of them were locked in a "heroic" emotional struggle over their love for their partners and their inability to get enough or, in some cases, any sex.
sex therapist Bettina Arndt saidMany women would rather eat chocolates, get a good night's sleep, read a good book "or read any book" than have sex.
Some women meted out sex "like Meaty Bites to a dog"
Women are shutting up shop. They work so hard to please their partners by keeping a beautiful house and cooking nice meals and so on, when a 10-minute bonk might be a better option every now and then.
She said she was "certainly not" advocating women give sex on demand.
Bettina Arndt saidA lot of men talk about the fact they do find it difficult to be constantly rejected.
One man I interviewed has gone for 20 years without sex in his marriage but continues to be an absolutely faithful and loving husband.
He desperately wants sex but doesn't want to have affairs or visit prostitutes.
It's a pretty heroic struggle and many men remain stoic about it. Another man had told of fighting his own 'Gulf War' in bed.
The six-inch gap between he and his partner feels like a 1000-mile gulf when she imposes the no-go zone
"I'm not saying they should just lie there and think of England," she said.
"But mismatched desire is one of the biggest problems in relationships and it's something couples have to talk about and work through.
"Most of us don't want to live with our room-mate or sister - intimacy is what makes relationships unique."
Ms Arndt will give a dinner talk at the Byron at Byron Resort in Byron Bay on April 14 and speak at the Happiness And Its Causes conference in Brisbane in June.