Thu Oct 29 2009
By Brigid Delaney
The explosion in popularity of internet dating has caused a new crisis among estranged fathers, a national men's rights group has told ninemsn.
Should mothers be prevented from relocating? Tell us what you think.
Ms Price estimates around 20 percent of men who contact the service have an internet-dating related problem, usually when the mother of their children wants to leave the area and relocate to meet with an internet lover.
Men's Rights Agency Director Sue Price saidThe service has had "an awful lot" of complaints about internet dating from fathers.
Mother wants to go off in the wild blue yonder with someone they hardly know and take the children interstate, and sometimes overseas
Men's Rights Agency welcomed a decision by the family law division of the Federal Magistrates Court, sitting in Newcastle, which found that under shared parenting laws a child was entitled to stay close to their father.
Sue Price saidOne of the greatest problems in Australia, particularly with our distances, [is] mothers in particular seem to think they can move without agreement they don't seem to understand that by moving away they are breaking the bond or relationship with the father.
Sometimes the fathers did follow their estranged partners, but away from family and support networks, it isn't always successful for them.
In that case, the mother of a three-year-old girl met a new lover on the internet and sought the court's permission to move from Sydney to Queensland, The Australian reported.
The father of the child protested the move, saying it would seriously disrupt his relationship with the child.
The mother at the centre of the case met her younger 25-year-old lover on the internet.
Her age was not revealed in court, but she has a 10-year-old son from a different relationship.
The decision has been viewed as a win for fathers, who said that old custody laws enabled many mothers to move away after divorce, destroying relationships between children and fathers.
Shared parenting laws introduced by the Howard government in 2006 have made relocating more difficult for mothers.
As well as issues arising from internet dating, Ms Price said the Men's Right Agency received many calls from fathers worried about their partner's internet addiction, which she said led to neglect of their children.
Ms Price saidWomen shouldn't be stopped from finding new love and relocating to start relationships, but she said children should not be "dragged along".
Instead the children should stay in the same area and be cared for by the father.
Mum can go off and have a relationship or fling if they want but leave the care to the father who is offering stable home life.
Note how women correspondents (quoted below) view the relocation issue. They see it as being about their (and women's) rights and not about the children and their rights to two parents. The women turn this issue (and many others) into a gender/sex battle/war. It is annoying when people (on 'our side') tell us not to get involved in a gender war simply for standing up for the rights of my child, for my rights, the rights of men/dads, and/or responding to feminist and misandrist (anti-male) women!
Quote Comment (Bel from Albury): "Mothers have the right to move on with their life" - Mothers definitely have a right to relocate and love again.
It has always been ok and acceptable for the fathers to move away and have a new family but as soon as the mother does it is shamed upon. Half the time when a marriage fails its because the father has no interest in the family life. Separated fathers only take on the role of "holiday dad" anyhow as they want no responsibility so *** them.
Quote Comment (Jules from Adelaide): "net love" - I met my husband over the internet, moved to Canada, now back here in Australia, and I have, as do my children every right to live where I chose, not where some one or the courts tell me to, you all need to read the constitution. The courts do not nor does another have the right to tell any one where they must live, men move around all the time, so can women and their children. Men again just want to control the lives of another for they have no control over their own. An when their children are available for them to see their to busy with the next girlfriend to give a hoot, amazing its only when their all alone they want to see their kids. I think the world would be a better place if all men where gay, and leave the girls alone.
Quote Comment (leisak from leisak): "But it's OK for men…" - How times have changed… For years men have been having mid life crisis' and leaving their wives and children to cope while they go off and 'find themselves'
with a younger woman!
Quote Comment (tasz from Tasmania) "As long" - As long as the same rules apply to the non custodial parent I don't have an issue with this. If the custodial parent needs permission to move so should the non custodial parent.
Quote Comment (The Genuine Article from Australia): "Courts leash net love mums" - These are the stolen children. When is Gough Whitlam going to apologise to all the divorced and separated fathers? Perhaps if there was a fault issue attached to property settlement, these "classy ladies" would think twice about walking out for no reason other than they miss the single
*** lifestyle. Often a latte slurping single friend encourages them to leave, but aren't around when they find the divorced scene is very different to young and single. For a start, no new boyfriend is seriously interested in your kid, usually viewing it as a nuisance. Our "classy lady," to keep this week's conquest, ignores and neglects the kid. When Dad dares protest, he has the full weight of the law preventing him from protecting his kid from neglect or worse. In an area of the law renowned for insane decisions, it is good to see one stolen child kept near its father, rather than watching her mother make a fool of herself with a much younger man. Shame on you Whitlam for this law in 1975.
188 comments (Last 10 shown)
court leash-net loves mums
Posted by: petal57, perth, on 29/10/2009 1:54:23 PM
I don't believe she should be allowed as she made the decision and knew what would happen if she found love with a stranger man from another state on the internet. How do you know that someone on the internet is good for the children? Maybe she should try and get her lover move to her state. Why should the father suffer because she wants to move to be with her lover.
What about the kids?
Posted by: One of those kids, Perth, on 29/10/2009 1:54:09 PM
I was bought up by a very abusive mother who relocated us as children. I didn't see my father for 25 years. My father left my mother because she used to bash us but when he went to get custody of us he was told not to bother as fathers would never get custody. My brothers and I endured Many years of being bashed on a daily basis. Lets see what the children want!! My father could have done more but the courts need to see every case individually! If the mother is capable and the father is not willing then there should be nothing stopping a relocation. My ex husband moved away but every body seems to think that is fine. I have raised our children by myself with not even child maintenance from him for 4 years. My babies are my world. they are not to blame for their fathers choices. If their father wants to spend time with them my love for my children will come first and my respect to him for his change will be the reason I would never relocate while he is trying. I wish somebody did that for us.
Posted by: stuckinmisery, melbourne, on 29/10/2009 1:54:05 PM
No words written about the fathers that up and abandon their children for new relationships. look into those statistics and then compare the percentages, I am stuck in Melbourne with ALL family and friends in QLD thanks to me ex who hardly sees his daughter! thanks to a court order he was able to obtain with in days of police removing him from the family home. and looking into this, my ex can up and leave at any time, interstate or internationally for as long as he wants with no consequence, then return and enforce the court order. Yet if I leave the state I will be in contravention of the order and may end up loosing my child. How does this work? What's 5050 about that? Now who's going to sit and tell me that Moving to QLD where we both have a loving and caring family and 24 hour support is not going to be in the best interest of my child. My daughter not only calls 3 of my immediate family on a daily basis she also refuses
to talk to her father when he calls her.
Kids come first
Posted by: SD,, Sydney, NSW, on 29/10/2009 1:53:53 PM
Having grown up with an absent dad - who chose to be absent and now being a single mother myself - I have done everything to make sure my son and his dad have the best relationship they can, I have never used my son as a weapon against my ex and am sick of hearing people say that kids are resilient - then why are there so many screwed up adults!! You choose to have a child - then their happiness and wellbeing must come first - we make the choices for our children and taking them away from a loving father and growing up with that most important relationship missing from their lives is an extremely selfish choice to make on behalf of a child. My comments are being based on a father who is involved and loving in their child's life.
run around mothers
Posted by: Ian, Newcastle, on 29/10/2009 1:53:38 PM
Why can't the new man move to be with the mother of the children if he is that keen on her, not all men are violent and nothing is ever said about emotionally abusive women as it seems it is a little unequal when it comes to who is allowed to be abused
Posted by: S, Brisbane, on 29/10/2009 1:53:21 PM
I believe that mothers should not be allowed to re-locate to a distance that inhibits the father regular access solely because the mother falls in love or wishes to live somewhere else. Obviously this would have to be on a case by case basis as I realise some fathers don't care a great deal about the children they have fathered but there is a lot of fathers that actually wish to be fully involved with their children and are pushed aside by the mother who wishes to use the children as a punishment weapon over the father. Fathers are being treated very unfairly in this system and it is about time the family law system was reviewed.
Posted by: jules, adelaide, on 29/10/2009 1:53:06 PM
I met my husband over the internet, moved to Canada, now back here in Australia, and I have, as do my children every right to live where I chose, not where some one or the courts tell me to, you all need to read the constitution. The courts do not nor does another have the right to tell any one where they must live, men move around all the time, so can women and their children. Men again just want to control the lives of another for they have no control over their own. An when their children are available for them to see their to busy with the next girlfriend to give a hoot, amazing its only when their all alone they want to see their kids. I think the world would be a better place if all men where Gay, and leave the girls alone.
Posted by: DiDi, Brisbane, on 29/10/2009 1:52:51 PM
I think fathers shouldn't have to pay SO much in child support… I mean, many woman don't even spend the money on the child!… selfish… As for the whole topic, If a parent decides to move, I think, it should be their responsibility to pay for the child to fly and see the other parent, etc.
each case is different
Posted by: starr, nt, on 29/10/2009 1:52:38 PM
I find myself in this predicament. I have been with my current partner for the last 4 years, we have 3 children - yet 2 are not biologically his. He has fed, clothed, nurtured, loved these 2 like his own but we cannot move interstate to further improve our finances because of the "right" of their biological father, who in the last year has only just decided to see one child when it suits him. Each case should be taken on it's own merit. Being made to stay somewhere can sometimes be the wrong thing.
parenting, children and priorities
Posted by: Human too, Tasmania, on 29/10/2009 1:51:27 PM
I think that there needs to be balance and there needs to be some consideration given to both sides of the coin. More importantly the need of the children. As a divorced dad of one I can say that I've never been in a volatile relationship with my former wife and still care for her deeply.
This is also the case for thousands of men in the world - were not all ***! We hear from mothers and associated groups that they want the fathers to help in the raising of their children and that men never do enough, well let the men have the opportunity, let the child have a balanced and enriched life and allow fathers to be fathers. Parents are parents and that should be the priority, should either parent want to move for a keyboard relationship then the child shouldn't have to suffer nor should the parent - such internet activity may place the child at greater risk particularly when the moving parent doesn't even know the person their moving to be with - equality means just that.
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