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Post #8865 by formymother on April 30th 2008, 7:35 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

4mydaughter said
That child is being cause major harm… RIGHT NOW! IN THIS VERY MOMENT!!! EVEN AS I TYPE!

So if you care about your brother - why don't you stop talking about yourself for a second - and come up with a solution to the problem at hand!
Too true. If only you knew how correct you are. My mother actually returned last Thursday. Sylvan is now with Vyv, I still have not seen him. Sylvan had the best holiday of his six years. And now, in all his confusion of not being with his mother or sister, he is being paraded around town. How I wish I had a solution.

I can only talk about myself, as that is the only total truth I know, and as Vyv has reminded me, it is defamation to talk about anything other than that.

Artemis, you are so right. Vyv had employed a solicitor 6 months before he left, with the aim of getting the best advice as how to build a case against my mum. He filed affidavits after ONE mediation session, despite the fact they had more booked. That is how dedicated to negotiating he was. The original plan was to steadily increase the amount of time Sylvan spent with Vyv from 2 nights per week to 50%, as he was only 4 and had been with mum at home his whole life. Perhaps, considering all his "evidence" collapsed in a heap (as it tends to when it is false) he could realise that court wasn't the best option and that if he hadn't threatened and pushed my family so much, all of this could have been so easily avoided in the first place, and the "best interests" of Sylvan could have actually been considered.

Sylvan has a whole family he needs to see…cousins his own age, two sets of grandparents, aunties, uncles, and his sister. Not just one grandparent in Australia and a cousin in Sydney. It is important for him to know his whole family.

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Post #8859 by formymother on April 30th 2008, 4:35 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother: Still manipulating and patronising

I feel the need to respond to a few comments made by Vyv.
Vyv said
Of all the bizarre things you have stated here and elsewhere, one of the strangest is that I don't want to meet or talk with you. I suggest you even ask some people in your circle about my efforts, since the moment of separation, to contact you. I gave up as I received only hostility back, or was blocked by your mum, which you must know about. Everyone has my number (mobile). Call me any time, I would happily talk with you, and have always wanted to. I address the comments below not to you but to the forum because I do not believe this is a suitable environment for you and I to communicate.
Bizarre things? I have only ever stated the truth and what I have seen with my own eyes. When, exactly, did you try and communicate with me? The only phone calls I remember were on the nights that you would call innumerable times and scream abuse at me and my mother and any unexpecting guests that answered the phone. It was almost as if you'd developed Tourettes. No, it certainly isn't the right environment. There is no way I would meet you without some sort of impartial support, because I know from past experience that communicating with you is like talking to a brick wall, you end up dealing with the same opposition and lack of compassion.
Vyv said
I did not leave you for any reason: I left your mother for very good reasons, most of which you know nothing about.
I know what I saw. You are so easily able to insult my intelligence or sense of autonomy. I am not so naive that I am able to be swayed or have views distorted, although you tried very hard to do that. I do not believe that it is professional at all, as a counsellor yourself, to tell a minor what "condition" you think their mother has. And yet you are in complete denial of you ever doing such a thing. Either you have highly selective memory or you trust so much in your persuasion powers that think you can manipulate other peoples memories and make them doubt themselves.
Vyv said
Unfortunately, 'formymother' has stated her opinions in various forums without risk of legal consequence, as she is a minor. It's a powerful position. She has, of course, nothing like 'the full story' (and quite rightly so, she has been protected from that from this end - however, she has been told otherwise).
Yet again, a patronising and manipulating statement that undermines my intelligence. I saw a lot more than you believe. I witnessed and experienced emotional abuse and manipulation so extreme I still cannot comprehend how someone could be so cruel and calculating.
Vyv said
But I do not blame formymother - I do not see what choice she had had. She has been deliberately misinformed, yet believes she knows 'the full story'. It's not her fault, and I believe she is suffering terribly - I know she will be missing her mum and half-brother too.
Hark again, you belittle and insult me. And the use of 'half-brother' I believe deliberately undermines our relationship. I need to see my brother, we share such love and I know he relies on me for support in so many ways. I understand how you would find it hard to see the importance of sibling relationships.

I was just wondering, Vyv, have you considered the parallels of Sylvan's childhood with your own? It seems to me as if you are trying to reconstruct your own situation as a child for Sylvan. That poor little boy.

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Post #8421 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 9:44 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

I was never asked to step in as mediator, but I am the only one (other than mum and Vyv) who knows the full story…from 2001 til now.

I would love to be able to speak with Vyv, one-on-one, but he does not even look at me in court or acknowledge me in the street. It was very confusing for me to have to deal with such an abrupt lack of care when I was 14. Indifference can seem worse than hate.

It truly means a lot to me to hear your concern for my well-being, I can assure I am very, very well looked after. And yes I am seeing a psychologist.

I wish to apologise to anyone who feels that I have been inappropriate or anyone who is confused or disturbed by my views.

I find it hard to clearly explain exactly what I mean. I suppose that I need to be heard, because there is always depth to every story, and I detest it when only the surface is revealed.

In my opinion, Vyv needs to be held accountable for what he has done, but I agree that this not the means to achieve that. I feel at a loss as to how I could convince him to speak with me.

I am not saying he is some kind of monster and I am not denying the good times that were had, whilst he was still in my life.

Unless I feel the need, I won't be posting anything further.

I just ask you to keep an open mind, and in the support that you give Vyv, that is for the best of EVERYONE involved, as that is truly in the best interests of Sylvan.

Faithfully,

formymother

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Post #8415 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 8:43 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

I moved into the boarding house at school.

Luckily my family is very supportive.

My dad was never really the fatherly type and he denied me as his daughter a few years ago and I have had trouble trying to forgive him. I have moved on now though, but I only ever contact him on my terms.

Which makes me want Sylvan to have a good relationship with his dad. Although I never really missed out on anything, because I have a lot of very positive male influences in my life, it makes me sad because there could have been such potential for Vyv to be father to me, had he not chosen the paths he did. And really want him to be there for Sylvan.

He just can't keep denying that Mum is an integral part in Sylvan's life and it is in the best interests of Sylvan for her to be happy too.

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Post #8413 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 8:24 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

I don't think mum is really in a state of mind where she is able to consider the impact on Vyv. And honestly, I don't think Sylvan is going to be that upset. He has always been more at ease with mum, they had a very strong natural bond from the moment he was born.

This whole situation is outside any possiblity I could have ever imagined. I just really don't think Vyv will ever consider his abusive behaviour towards me and mum. Before and after he left.

This ordeal could have been so easily avoided. And I believe quite easily remedied. But I do think that even if Vyv made some sort of move towards reconciliation with mum, she probably wouldn't trust him. As they say, I trust him about as far as I can throw him.

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Post #8411 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 8:10 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

They tried mediation, and we thought it had been resolved… one month later an affidavit was filed filled with "incidents" about my mother. A lot of which I was used as a witness.

The article in The Northern Star says that Vyv had only been seeing Sylvan two nights per fortnight prior to the court orders. This was not the case. He was seeing him two nights a week. Whilst you might think that is a small smount, Sylvan was only four at that stage and Mum had been his primary carer because Vyv worked and she stayed home. And then after mediation, even more contact than that was arranged. I can't remember the exact nights.

When Vyv first left, he took Sylvan with him and left a note for my Mum. He did not say where they were or leave any contact details. He refused to return, despite a Senior Police Officer pleading with him.

I am not saying that my Mum has behaved rationally or that I condone her actions. I just know that something had to give.

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Post #8408 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 7:45 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

I also agree with you Artemis, it is vital for Sylvan to have a good relationship with his father. Vyv's parenting abilities were never contested in regards to Sylvan. There are much larger issues than that.

Yes I am 16, but I am just as desperate for my mother and Sylvan to return. Vyv needs to understand that she is not going to willingly return until some sort of change is proposed. It is perposterous for him to even consider that she could return to living in the same situation as before she left.

Vyv could have worked in collaboration with me, to help my mum feel safe enough to return. But he hasn't spoken to me since he ran away with Sylvan, two years ago.

People don't just run away for no reason. At least we can all be assured that Sylvan is well and still being taught to read, write, do maths etc. I have had a letter from him and my mum.

I would consider talking to Vyv if he was prepared to at least listen to everything I used to be too afraid to tell him.

I can forgive him, but that will never erase the pain of his actions.

Even after everything she has been through, mum is still prepared to listen and try to resolve things with him, as long as it comes with some sort of apology.

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Post #8402 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 6:55 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

I completely agree that abusive family members only make matters worse. I have had to put up with one for the past six years.

And this 'daughter' has been brought in front of the court. Do you not think that if I had any idea of the whereabouts of my mother and brother, I would be so distraught?

I only want to be 16, but until I am satisfied that Vyv and my mum have come to peaceful and reconciled state, I will not rest. The truth has to be told.

Voltaire - I do not agree with what you have to say, but I'll defend to the death your right to say it.

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Post #8400 by formymother on April 20th 2008, 5:50 PM (in topic “Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother”)

Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother:

I am the sister of Sylvan and daughter of Marigold.

Vyv, this is a direct consequence of your actions. I had to put up with your abuse for 4 years and will do everything in my power to not let you torment my family further.

You are the one who absconded with Sylvan initially, were you not? And on Mothers day?

You were the one who shouted abuse down the phone and called up to 15 times a night. You were never willing to negotiate.

You were the one who went to court with a brief case of lies, which I might add were slowly unravelled. Perhaps, if you had a little more foresight, you would have heeded a friends warnings that your actions could have a dramatic impact. But I bet you thought that meant mum taking her own life. You underestimate her. When a person is trapped, threatened and isolated from family and friends in a town that holds no future, the only way out that they can see is to run.

You are certainly not the only one suffering here. I have lost my mother AND my brother. Oh but that's right, you don't think it's important for Sylvan to have a relationship with his sister, or his extended family, do you? It has always been about you. Well, not any more.

I know you think I'm a failure, but you obviously don't know what someone who is in pain can do. Mum might not have been able to see a way to cope with any more of you, but I will keep fighting. I promise and unlike you, I keep my promises.

Perhaps you will judge me and say that I'm being inappropriate and angry. Well the truth is I am angry, and fed up, and past caring about social niceties.

Omnia vincit Amor

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Sylvan, mother and sister
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