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Separating what now?

First steps

Are you still in doubt? 
If you feel confused and a bit frightened about the prospect of ending your marriage, you're not alone. 

Most people contemplating divorce experience times when they waver between 'biting the bullet' by starting divorce proceedings and "sticking it out" by staying in the relationship. This is perfectly normal, Contrary to popular belief - or actually the perceptions of those whose spouses have left them - the decision to leave a relationship is a very difficult one to make. Very few people impulsively decide to walk out on their marriages. 

Ending a relationship is not easy. Aside from the emotional investment people make, there are other considerations like children, homes, cars, savings, bills and pensions to keep in mind. Unraveling a marriage, especially one that is longstanding is a challenge to say the least. And what makes the process even more difficult is having to make important decisions at a time when you're feeling most vulnerable, stressed and emotionally drained. 

It's always difficult to know for sure if you are making the right decision. What may feel "right" one day, may seem "wrong" the next. Some of the important issues in making this decision are:
  • The mindset you need to make this important decision
  • Why marriage is tough no matter who you are
  • The supreme value of having confidence in yourself
  • Are you letting other people - your kids - influence your decision making?
  • Whether you really want to stay in this relationship or move on
Ending a marriage rates high on the list of "important decisions" a person has to make. Decision making at this time should therefore never be taken lightly because the consequences of a premature "wrong" decision outweigh the consequences of delaying making "any" decision. 

When in doubt, wait! Unless it is a matter of life and death, delaying your decision for 24 hours will not make a measurable difference. Alternatively, rushing into a hasty decision could be disastrous. 

If you are among those who feel you want to give your marriage one last chance, Lee Baucom's ebook, "Save Your Marriage Even If Only You Want To Work On It". I am the first to say that if a marriage can be saved, the effort should be made in that regard. As a relationship consultant, I have personally observed marriages that were already in divorce court turn around and survive. Dr. Baucom's ebook provides useful strategies for learning how to forgive, coping with anger and learning how to communicate more effectively. 

How To Reverse The Divorcing Process? 

The percentage of people who start down the divorce route who successfully turn it around is very low, but it isn't impossible. 

What it involves is commitment, a lot of hard work and a very good marriage counselor who really knows their stuff.

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