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Family Report

The FMC has odered that a family report be prepared .... what documents can I / should I submit ?

The job of the FR is to work out a view of what they think are the environmental issues both positive and negative that influence the childs, behaviour, piece of mind, happiness, quality of life, personality. Ability to interact with others, the way others interact with the child, the ability of the child to share, the childs perception of the family and where each member comes in the family in regard to the child. This is a short list of the individual detailed items that I recall as pointed out to me by a FR.

These things you have included are needed, Teachers Diary notes, School Report, Physcian's letter, Various Receipts, Medical Certificate, Photographs. They show you know your child.
Does the affidavit describe how they are relevant to the child future and the ongoing interaction for the child to cope with the medical issues it sounds like the child has. That is has the long term health plan for the child been outlined, if made, to the FR. If not made or outlined this could be important as it is the long and short term health, welfare and development of the child that is the principal issues being examined.

To achieve a proper understanding, a well trained FR uses information and personal observations of the child, parents and anyone else who plays a major role in the childs life. Like step children living with the child, grandparents/step parents/etc who look after the child before and after school. How they interact, who bullies who, who bribes who and who manipulates who, etc.

School behaviour reports are also important and drawings of the child help understand how the child is thinking. Where children are good in 1 home and behave badly in the other, is reflective of the parenting style of the parent the child is with. Some try and blame the other parent for the misbehaviour where the reality is more often, the parents home the child behaves nicely in, it is because that parent is constantly aware of the child and steps up as soon as unacceptable behaviour starts. While the other parent ignores the child misbehaving, the child therefore escalates the misbehaviour until the parent can no longer ignore the child.

Children require attention when they want it, any attention is better than no attention hence time out works when done in family view, not out of sight out of mind like the bedroom. It gives the child attention of a negative kind and positive attention on its conclusion if done properly. So often timeout is misused and the positive attention after the timeout is not followed through, that is the brief positive discussion of what the timeout was for followed by some activity. (This is a brief outline of the way timeout should work or be used by me and is my understanding of how it show be used. I have often hear children and mothers say when you are at __s you will not get away with the behaviour you do at my place).

How you use timeout and other forms of directing a childs behaviour, what activities you do with the child, like cooking or the like with daughters is all important for the FR and Judge to know about, these things should be in your main affidavit citing occasions with outcomes. Like; my daughter and I on the __ Month 200_ cooked dinner together, she peeled the spuds, got things out of the fridge, put things into the pots before I put the water in and I put it on the stove. My daughter then help me mash the spuds and added the onion I had chopped, the other children said they really liked the mashed spud which made my daughter very proud.

This is a time for you to show as many positives you can put in the childrens lives, your ex will bring up you negatives, whether true or not, if the positive outshine the negatives 2 or more to 1 then you will win. The interview is where and when you address the negatives your ex brings up.

I think this can usually be best done by; if what Ex says is true how come, the positive, this and that occurs? Therefore, is it probable there is no fact to the allegation?  Or the like.

If you are seeking a changed circumstances this is probable the time to reflect on what was and what would happen now. Like the child is older so I would watch and help her cook the dinner, she/he is tall enough to reach the taps without a step and can turn the gas on after she put the pot on the stove.

The children are now old enough for us to go for rides on our own bikes, they can sail the cat on their own and the like. There are other children in the street who play together which the other children have said our child can now join in with if they want to.

Maybe I have said more than needed hope it helps and good luck.

Today was the Day …..

Just got back home from talking with the family report writer (FRW).       ….. and I thought I was confused before !!!!

I spent the last few weeks developing a family plan …. 22 pages worth  … reasonably detailed and which emphasised my intention to seek to enhance my daughters relationship with her mother and other significant family members.  I felt that this was important as the fragility of my daughter's relationship with her mother and the potential risk to it if primary care cirucmstances changed would be a point of focus.

I made sure my approach was forward looking, positive but raised the issues that need to be addresses in a careful and thoughtful manner.

I forwarded this material to the FRW prior to today, and also gave her a copy of the documentation today just in case she had not seen it and it had somehow gone missing.

I heeded the advice here and prepared myself … making sure I did not apprach this with a "muck raking focus" about bygone issues.

Well !!!!

To my surprise … the FRW had not read my material, made a point of saying that she never reads any material prior to the sessions … and left me with the impression that there was every chance she might not.

'''' very disappointing  …

She spoke to me and my new wife first and I felt that we presented well.   Responded to the questions, raised  and discussed the relevant issues without being overly critical and certainly without trying to throw everything but the kitchen sink at my ex.

After speaking to my ex I was confronted by the FRW about a number of allegations (untrue) which my ex had raised during her session ….. which left me with the feeling that my ex had thrown everything and the kitchen sink at me … and the FRW had bought in to some, if not a lot of it.

I responded calmy and thoughtfully, but I can't help but feel as I walked away with my wife and discussed all the things we didn't bring up that I was some how ambushed.  Why hadn't we prepared for this ?

Then it occurred to me …. that we had focussed so much on trying to be positive, forward looking … that we weren't in a mindset … to try and damage the opposition (so to speak).

Boy am I confused.

But I guess at the end of the day, we put our best foot forward, …. I don't know whether my family plan will get read …. but I know we did our best .

I was so proud of my wife and my step daughter … they were fantastic.   When my daughter was called in with us … she was fantastic, she came running up with the biggest smile and jumped up on my lap.  Surprise Surprise … she was wearing a brand new dress and brand new expensive shoes only purchased yesterday.  I was so proud of her too.

I am happy to know that she finally got the chance to have her voice, and I am very confident that I know the sort of things she will of said.  I know my daughter.

But in the end …. I am not confident it will go well.

I get the feeling that the FRW is forming a view that if primary care circumstances changed that the already bad relationship my daughter has with her mother will be more severly damaged or disintegrate.

Despite my undertakings to the contrary in person and as set out in our family plan …. it seems that has fallen on deaf ears.  I feel some of the mud thrown by my ex hit the mark.

But as I said.

We all put our best foot forward and now we will sit and wait   "our lives in her hands"  razor blades churning in the stomach.

It amazed me though,  not once did she ask about our plans for the future  … it was all backward looking.

But if it turns out bad for me,  I  know that the FRW will have to say:

- Yep he has a put forward a sound plan for the future which clearly shows that he will act in manner that supports his daughter's relationship with her mother ….. but I don't believe him

- Yep the daughter says her sister bullies her, her mother says derogatory comments about her father, the step father is verbally abusive towards her, she is unhappy there and she really really wants to live with me …. but I don't believe her  or at the very least discount what she says to a value that approximates zero

- The mother says that the father has turned the daughter against her … yep I believe that and therefore we can't let things change because it might damage the relationship between the daughter and her mother.

Maybe I am just being paranoid … But we did our best and we were all truthful  …. the truth may not bode well for my daughter's relationship with her mother, but that doesn't mean that we are to blame for it.

Perhaps if we had thrown some of that mud … the FRW would understand why my daughter feels the way she does.

Last edit: by vermigarrd

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