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Shared time with my son

At the moment I have my son 16 hours a week.

My ex and I are currently doing mediation.

I am going back to work soon and want to change my times.

Does anyone have any times that I could put forward at mediation that could possible be accepted by me ex?  I don't.
What hours will you be working, and would the traditional weekend hours be any good? Maybe you could do friday night and saturday one week, saturday night and Sunday the next?

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
thanks jadzia thats something to take into consideration
Maybe you could move it to the weekends and make it so you have those days off that way you and you ex can work around the weekend even if she decides to work if she isnt already it would work for bothe of you.
Don't forget to consider special days, e.g. Father's Day, birthdays, Christmas etc.
I like the clause where the monday is a public holiday (after the weekend the "spends time with" parent has with the child) that it is added to the weekend.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
My ex and I have orders in place. He was given 2 days a week, 9-5, and when he finds work 13 and a half hours, 4pm-6pm Monday and Wednesday and Saturdays 9-6.30pm.

We are going to mediation for the second time. He has asked for overnights, but under the circumstances it's not possible as yet.

He will be going back to work soon, and I need to work out what will be fair on both of us. Any ideas anyone?

I don't see why he would want overnights when he going to work. I think the motive would be money, which is sad.

I'm willing to work around his work but keep similar times maybe a bit more, but can't see it if he's going to work Monday-Friday.
Can I ask why overnights are not possible?

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
Our child is very young and I just can't see how it could run smoothly with his father working.

It seems pointless because the child would be either asleep or ready for bed by the time dad winds down, but who knows what ideas he has, we could possibly work it out.
Sheila, you need to mention the age of the child, as this changes things a lot.

Over nights are beneficial as it is important that Dad's have the routine of bath time, sleep time and not just the "fun time".

Also, I would consider a patch of continuous time. Being one night here, one night there does not give much predictability to the child.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Having just re-read the posts Sheila, I noticed a key phrase of yours, "I need to work out what will be fair on both of us".

What you really need to do is work with him (galling as that might sound) to work out what is BEST for your child.

Overnight while he works probably isn't practical, but overnight on his days off can be.

That is the time when you can pursue an interest or do a course. It takes your mind off missing your child and improves chances you will get in life.

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
Jadzia.

I did take that into consideration as well, I just didn't mention it. But I don't think it's in our child's best interest.

If dad's coming home when the child is being collected near bed time and returning him in the early hours of the morning; I mean winter is coming up soon.

Our baby is 10 months old. I'm thinking maybe no week visits, and an overnight on the weekend. That's the best I can come up with at the moment. Do you have any others?
sheila said
but under the circumstances it's not possible as yet
But Shelia, it is possible. If anything you should be fighting for your child to have more time, perhaps asking him to make time.

I can't see any reason you've given, why the child can't be with the father say every other weekend perhaps even most weekends.

As for child being collected and returned, after a working day, many appear to survive this regime when placed into childcare.

It does appear that you are looking for reasons to deny the child what many would consider as being in the child's best interest.
MikeT is right - many a baby survives a routine like that with childcare. However I do see your point - if during the main time he has the child he/she is sleeping then there doesn't seem much point in that.

What I would be suggesting is overnight on weekends, or days off whichever suit the working hours, and during the working week an hour or two before bed.

Agreeing with something like that not only gives your child meaningful time with the father which IS important but also shows your willingness to allow that relationship. If you don't give some ground and it eventually comes to court, depending on the judge, shared care of 50% could be awarded, losing you a lot of the time you have now.

Another option is allowing the father to spend an evening visiting at your home. Of course this depends on how acrimonious you are, but if possible then why not? Again like I said before you could go do a course, or go to the movies, join a group or something so that you don't have to be there. Dad can enjoy time feeding, playing, bath and bed. Plus if you are amicable, allow for discussion about how you are going to joint parent, work on a parenting plan for discipline, school etc before you are in that stage and find you have completely different ideas.

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
It's a bit complex - apparently the idea of him working makes it impossible to be with the child overnight but then you don't say if you work or not.

A 10 month old baby can be in child care from time to time when both parents work.

Also working hours can be part-time and coordinated. You could work 3 mornings and he could work afternoons and then 2 full days during the week with him catching those days on the weekend with the child. That would give you both about equal day and night time with the child plus your would both be working and also I presume that no child support would be required to be paid.

You would only be working 3 mornings a week as you progressively go back to the workforce  and he  3 days part -time plus 2 full days.

A win all around.

 Maybe I am not explaining myself well enough
if during the main time he has the child he/she is sleeping then there doesn't seem much point in that
However, wouldn't the child be doing this, much of the time whoever cared.

What is important is the time that the baby is awake and most importantly when it wakes and who it is attended by.
I agree however sending a baby over to somone else at bedtime then back when they wake is what seems pointless and I suggested other times when the baby will have more awake time, i.e. overnight onto a work free day.

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
Well I take offence to that statement Mike T, as I have never denied the ex access to our child.

He used to see him every day at my home, and I would allow him to stay overnight with our child as well, but he blew his chances of that continuing.

I did suggest that maybe he could have Sat and Sun if he's not working and no week days, or maybe quick visits after work.

But I'm only searching for answers and I have got a few from most already. And yes, children do survive childcare, but childcare is totally different to quality time with a father or mother. We are not childcare workers.  I've never agreed with childcare anyway; it defeats the whole purpose of having parents.
Jadzia.

I think we are basically saying the same thing, however I guess my additional point is that overnight even though with limited wake time, is better than dismissing it altogether without an alternative.

What would undoubtedly be best, based upon the information we have, would be overnight plus plenty of daytime, the next day and perhaps the day before.
Shelia, on this forum, you must remember, we are not going to "side" with you the way friends would. What you will get is advice and opinions of people who have been or are going through the separation/divorce process.

What you will get is advice on what is best for your child.

As your child grows, you should expect to move toward 50/50 with your ex. I know that may be hard when you know the man personally and have a low opinion of his and his family. Guess what, kids are smart and they figure out that a parent is a bit of a twit BUT, another guess what, they still love them and want to spend time with them.

Yes bub is young, but not too young to have an overnight with his Dad. You and Dad should coordinate the best times for this to happen.

Putting a child in daycare does not make you less of a parent either. I am a working mum and my kids have always known I am mum and I was always there at the best and worst times of their life. There is nothing wrong with childcare and in some cases (like my dss) I believe it actually saves lives.

You separation sounds recent. You will still be raw, so take a deep breath before replying to posts that seem offensive. For the large part, they will not be meant that way.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
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