Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

Advice Needed!

Advice needed to cancel a domestic violence order used in a marriage split.

Please forgive me if I stumble and/or make a mess of this post, but I am new at this!
I have read what you have on your front page but can't find anything that will be helpful.
Although there is a lot of very good advice that I have taken into account and will definitely use.

On the 27/02/2006, my now x got rid of me with a VRO (western australia).  She has just recently been able to have it extended for 2 more years.

Me:  I was blackmailed into not objecting to the Interim order at a legal aid sponsored conference in June 06 by the ex and her lawyer, with the help of the mediator and the idiot, legal aid gave me for representation.  Being the only nurturing parent my 4 children have, I capitulated.
She was made to reduce the distance from 200 metres to 5 and change other conditions to allow me to move back to my town of Mt. Barker in WA. 
Sept 06, I moved back here to a rental. 
The eldest son (14) moved in within two hours of me opening the front door. He refuses to go back to her, because of the fact she has literally bashed him since he was 2 years of age.  He still wants to re-arrange her in a physical sense, however I have been able to calm his anger down somewhat.
She had the Police at my door the day after I moved in, which was Fathers day; I had all my children for lunch.  The Police stated that she had heard my voice in public and that if it happens again, they will arrest me.  She deliberately parks directly in front of my home, which is inside the 5 metres that I am not allowed to park in front of the family home.  So I cannot even talk in my own front yard or even say goodbye to the kids when they call out to me, while she is there for fear she will phone the Police.
Many more reports to Police, but no more visits to me by the Police.

In January this year she applied to the local Magistrates court to have the VRO extended for 2 more years, because it was due to expire on the 27th of Feb 2007.
The hearing was for the 30th of April 2007.
I did not appear, because my car was broken down and in Perth which is four hours away.  The hearing was in Albany which is 50 kilometres away.  I have no support network at all in this district, no family at all either.  There is no public transport either.  I was in touch with the registrar of the Albany court on the 16th of April and was told to write a letter and get it to them asking for an adjournment and the reasons etc.  I did all this, they sent me a email saying they got it and told me to phone the day after the hearing, to find out what the adjourned date would be.
I phoned on the appointed day and was told the VRO was automatically extended for the 2 years and the conditions were tightened up somewhat.
I phoned the prosecuting sergeant to ask what can I do and he said to write a letter to the Managing Registrar to ask for my case to be looked into.  I did this and received a letter back some time later where he stated that there had been a mishap where the letter I sent was not on file and did not make it to the magistrate on the day.  He sent me a form to vary or cancel and suggested I fill it in to have my day in court.

Okay!

This is the stage I am at and now I need someone to please tell a dummy who has always worked in the food industry and has zero knowledge of the system, how to stand before a female magistrate who has yelled at me once when believing a lie from the ex, what I need to do in court and how to conduct myself?

A few facts about me:

I am about to turn 50 in July.
I am on a disability pension and am also being paid my superannuation after being made TPI (totally permanently incapacitated) by the federal govt dept I worked for and by the super board.
I have trouble absorbing information, because I suffer dyslexia.  I am intelligent and yes I can construct some good text, but believe me when I say I have typed almost each word twice just to get it right.
I have no money and cannot get a lawyer, although I do have an appointment to see a community legal lawyer in Albany on Monday the 11th of June, but he is so close to useless I don't think he is interested at all.
My ex has done all the shopping in Albany; She has been to legal aid, and has used all the major law firms and all these places won't talk to me because of a conflict of interest.
I have help from the Perth legal aid office for property matters and they had to find a lawyer in a town that is 3 hours away from here, because there is no one else.

I have been told that I should have been in court no matter what!
Well, when you look at it from my point of view where I am in constant pain and need to go to bed every day in the afternoon just to get through the rest of the day, I have no support at all and no one to talk to either.  I haven't learnt how to fly yet, but I am working on it, I promise!
When you consider where I am, I find that statement not only an insult but also down right uncaring of someone who just hasn't got the resources or the ability to help himself.

Besides, I did exactly as I was instructed to do by a registrar and they told me it would be fine.  And I did it all 14 days before the hearing date.

I now have my car back and can travel, so that is not a problem anymore.

My children:

Boy 14 - With me 100%
Boy 10 - with me 6 nights/fort. but is demanding 8 or else!
Girl almost 9 - with me 4 nights/fort but wants 50/50, but is too frightened to speak up because of the bullying and interrogation from the mother.
Boy 7.5 - with me 6 night/fort. He thinks he belongs to me, but will accept 50/50 for now.

All four children are unhappy and depressed, especially the three youngest.  The ex is using the VRO to cut communication with the younger kids and to not only keep me under control (because she is my abuser also of 14 years), but to also stop me from addressing her abusive behaviour towards our children with her.  Of course I expected all this, but the children are very much suffering and are becoming more angry about it.
She is actually alienating the children from herself, because she and everyone else I have had to deal with, will not accept that the children are trying to protect 'THEIR' most important resource, which is their nurturing parent.  Me!
I am not conceited, nor do I feel proud of my role.
I do however feel grateful to God for the fact that my children have me to be there for them.  I will not apologise for the fact that I am the nurturing parent and that their mother is as nurturing as a cardboard box with a granite rock inside for a heart.  I will not back away from this either and will stand my ground in this role, no matter what!

Two weeks ago my 10 year old wanted to make a protest against his mother and told her he is staying the 8 nights.  she said all the expected stuff to him.  However, on the day he was due to return to her, I got an email and phone message from the lawyer in the town 3 hours away, that the ex's lawyer had been instructed to get a recovery notice and have our son forcibly removed from my home by the Police and then hit me with the costs.
So I told my son he had to go home.  This of course made him more angry toward his mother.

I would like to know if she can do this, with the recovery order?
There is no written agreement at all or any court order regarding children's issues.
We have been with KinWay (Anglicare) counsellors who have been trying to get her to allow the children to have what they are demanding.  However, the majority of the counsellors are very anti-male/father and it's not going well.  The regime we have is only temporary in agreement, because we were supposed to be working towards a final agreement and have it ratified in the family court.  The ex is deliberately stymying this procedure and won't allow the children to have peace.

I desperately need some advice there also?

Please forgive me if I have waffled on and not given you the correct information.
If you ask me specific questions, I should be able to answer them fairly easily.

Thankyou for your patience.

It riles them to believe that you perceive the web they weave!
I think your main question is the DVO?

SRL-R help with childrens issues in the Family Court and Federal Magistrates Court.

Local Courts are very different in each State and you might be better seeking advice from a local source about how to handle your situation. Unfortunately you also have the tyrany of distance to accomodate in relation to any hearings.

DVOs are one of the 'power plays' often used to gain leverage in the Family Courts and can have an adverse effect on childrens proceeding in the Courts, however the prescense of one of these orders is no longer the weapon it used to be.

In NSW our advice is always NO 'Consent without admissions'.




Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (look for the Avatars) Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets