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Father's Desperate Search for Son Abducted by the Mother

Vyv Rodnight has put his life on hold while he searches from Lismore to Maleny in Queensland to find his six-year-old son, Sylvan.

Site Execs - please refer to Shared Execs area.

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (look for the Avatars) Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
I also agree with you Artemis, it is vital for Sylvan to have a good relationship with his father. Vyv's parenting abilities were never contested in regards to Sylvan. There are much larger issues than that.

Yes I am 16, but I am just as desperate for my mother and Sylvan to return. Vyv needs to understand that she is not going to willingly return until some sort of change is proposed. It is perposterous for him to even consider that she could return to living in the same situation as before she left.

Vyv could have worked in collaboration with me, to help my mum feel safe enough to return. But he hasn't spoken to me since he ran away with Sylvan, two years ago.

People don't just run away for no reason. At least we can all be assured that Sylvan is well and still being taught to read, write, do maths etc. I have had a letter from him and my mum.

I would consider talking to Vyv if he was prepared to at least listen to everything I used to be too afraid to tell him.

I can forgive him, but that will never erase the pain of his actions.

Even after everything she has been through, mum is still prepared to listen and try to resolve things with him, as long as it comes with some sort of apology.

I'm confused "formymother", how did Vyv run away with Sylvan? Would your mother have not been able to retrieve him and then severly limit Vyv's access?

There may be larger issues, but if Vyv is a good dad, surely that is all that matters.

Interaction between your parents can be reduced to practically nil, if this is a cause of tension.

A good mediator and well written court orders are the things that solve this situation, not running away.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
formymother.

With respect… your Mother's actions are counter-productive and she needs to seriously reconsider what she is doing.

And I have to say, I don't believe for a moment you are who you say you are. And you are not 16 years of age - that's glaringly obvious!

4MYDAUGHTER
They tried mediation, and we thought it had been resolved… one month later an affidavit was filed filled with "incidents" about my mother. A lot of which I was used as a witness.

The article in The Northern Star says that Vyv had only been seeing Sylvan two nights per fortnight prior to the court orders. This was not the case. He was seeing him two nights a week. Whilst you might think that is a small smount, Sylvan was only four at that stage and Mum had been his primary carer because Vyv worked and she stayed home. And then after mediation, even more contact than that was arranged. I can't remember the exact nights.

When Vyv first left, he took Sylvan with him and left a note for my Mum. He did not say where they were or leave any contact details. He refused to return, despite a Senior Police Officer pleading with him.

I am not saying that my Mum has behaved rationally or that I condone her actions. I just know that something had to give.
I'm still confused. How did your Mum get Sylvan back?

When she got him back, surely Vyv's time with your brother would have been reduced or supervised?

With your mum knowing how awful it was not seeing her boy, I find it odd that she would do the same thing?

It makes children very sad when they can't see both parents.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
I don't think mum is really in a state of mind where she is able to consider the impact on Vyv. And honestly, I don't think Sylvan is going to be that upset. He has always been more at ease with mum, they had a very strong natural bond from the moment he was born.

This whole situation is outside any possiblity I could have ever imagined. I just really don't think Vyv will ever consider his abusive behaviour towards me and mum. Before and after he left.

This ordeal could have been so easily avoided. And I believe quite easily remedied. But I do think that even if Vyv made some sort of move towards reconciliation with mum, she probably wouldn't trust him. As they say, I trust him about as far as I can throw him.
What exactly would Vyv have to do, before your mum would consider coming back?

My other questions are: How are you holding up? Is your Dad looking after you?

I hope you have someone supporting you. This is a big load to bear on young shoulders.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
I moved into the boarding house at school.

Luckily my family is very supportive.

My dad was never really the fatherly type and he denied me as his daughter a few years ago and I have had trouble trying to forgive him. I have moved on now though, but I only ever contact him on my terms.

Which makes me want Sylvan to have a good relationship with his dad. Although I never really missed out on anything, because I have a lot of very positive male influences in my life, it makes me sad because there could have been such potential for Vyv to be father to me, had he not chosen the paths he did. And really want him to be there for Sylvan.

He just can't keep denying that Mum is an integral part in Sylvan's life and it is in the best interests of Sylvan for her to be happy too.
formydaughter.

Seriously! You are justifying actions that are unjustifiable!

Any abuse that has taken place between the parents is an issue that needs to be resolved by the Parents. Probably in therapy.

Any abuse that has taken place between you and Vyv is a matter to sort out between yourselves. Probably in therapy

There is no justification for your 'Mother' to involve a young boy in issues between the parents.

Absolutely none!

It's VERY POOR PARENTING!! To the extreme!

4MYDAUGHTER
It sounds like you are saying that your Mum has done something so that she is not as involved with Sylvan as you would like.

Is that really Vyv's fault, or is that something that family reporters and the legal system have deemed best?

Male role models are a pale imitation of a father and I am sorry that you don't have that in your life.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 

Everyone take a Breather

As the Senior Site Moderator can we look towards a way to resolve these issues without laying blame at anyone's door.

The site does have a professional mediator available.

(Vyv you will need to register on the site as the facilities mentioned below are not available to guests)

FMM you can make 'whispers' to Vyv (when he registers) which means these are not public and he can do the same.

We can set up a private online (realtime) chat area for you both. This area is still under development but I have already spoken to the site admins and they can set up a private area for you.

It appears there may be some 'dirty linen' that should not be in the public forums and your posts may invite comments that are not constructive to resolving the issues.

We can give you access to restricted (non public) areas for any posts either of you wish to make to each other.

I have spoken to one of the senior people at the SRL-R group and he has offered the use of their private forums for this.

Use the 'whisper' function to reply to me for any suggestions or what we at FLWG can provide to help resolve this issue.

 Senior Site Moderator and Administrator
formymother.

I hope you take advantage of what sisyphus is offering. You have a lot to discuss. No doubt you are being counselled at school.

Your speech is both eloquent and focused.

This is a lot for a young person to deal with.

I wish you luck in speedy resolution but please remember these problems are between two adults and you should not be made into a mediator; this should never be asked of any child by any parent.

Best wishes D4E.
I was never asked to step in as mediator, but I am the only one (other than mum and Vyv) who knows the full story…from 2001 til now.

I would love to be able to speak with Vyv, one-on-one, but he does not even look at me in court or acknowledge me in the street. It was very confusing for me to have to deal with such an abrupt lack of care when I was 14. Indifference can seem worse than hate.

It truly means a lot to me to hear your concern for my well-being, I can assure I am very, very well looked after. And yes I am seeing a psychologist.

I wish to apologise to anyone who feels that I have been inappropriate or anyone who is confused or disturbed by my views.

I find it hard to clearly explain exactly what I mean. I suppose that I need to be heard, because there is always depth to every story, and I detest it when only the surface is revealed.

In my opinion, Vyv needs to be held accountable for what he has done, but I agree that this not the means to achieve that. I feel at a loss as to how I could convince him to speak with me.

I am not saying he is some kind of monster and I am not denying the good times that were had, whilst he was still in my life.

Unless I feel the need, I won't be posting anything further.

I just ask you to keep an open mind, and in the support that you give Vyv, that is for the best of EVERYONE involved, as that is truly in the best interests of Sylvan.

Faithfully,

formymother
formymother said
I was never asked to step in as mediator, but I am the only one (other than mum and Vyv) who knows the full story…from 2001 til now.
It is a very difficult job for you to undertake as a moderator and arbitrator to resolve what could easily get further out of hand. Often from our experience there are many sides to every story and a properly trained mediator has skills and much training, I must say to assist in getting off the "blame game", and moving into a more positive approach to resolve the immediate issues and step back from a rapidly escalating downward spiral that can take things even further from what already is a difficult and dark situation to very bad. You must be a very reasonable and clear thinking person to take on such mediation in this case. The difficulty is that you may well find you are not far enough removed from the situation.
formymother said
I would love to be able to speak with Vyv, one-on-one, but he does not even look at me in court or acknowledge me in the street. It was very confusing for me to have to deal with such an abrupt lack of care when I was 14. Indifference can seem worse than hate.
Yes what you say here is quite normal. Often men and dads in particular do not show their caring side in any form other than a great deal of outward indifference and avoidance. By not looking at you or in court he finds it easier to deal with the whole situation. It is a male protection system in action. Inside he will be yearning to speak and to resolve the issues and get out of what is a spiralling out of control life style that has many external parties now involved in his life. These are factors he cannot control so there is often a feeling of helplessness and despair that sets in. He must be seen to be indifferent and hard to enable him to deal with the situation. I find from experience in many cases that dads are deeply hurt inside and will never show those emotions least judged to be weak and particularly going through court you would understand that any show or sign of weakness would be quickly leapt on by the solicitors on the other side and decimate his case whatever that case is, right or wrong.

Dads need to do positive things to resolve a situation not deal in weeks and months of court appearances and endless dealings with official documents from registrations to Child Support assessments. It all takes a toll. In this case the father is out looking for the child. All very normal stuff. What else could he do to resolve the situation that brings everyone back to a level playing field?? I would suggest you take some time to read through the forums on resolving daily conflicts and the forum "Behaviour Management". There is a particularly good download article at this URL Just click this link.
formymother said
I wish to apologise to anyone who feels that I have been inappropriate or anyone who is confused or disturbed by my views. I find it hard to clearly explain exactly what I mean. I suppose that I need to be heard, because there is always depth to every story, and I detest it when only the surface is revealed.
The site is a fairly robust place to debate or discuss these things so no one here would be "disturbed" there are some very talented moderators and execs on the site who I am sure could assist you… The site has had some amazingly successful outcomes for parties who are in entrenched conflictual situations. If you ask for assistance there will be many keen and able members responding…
formymother said
In my opinion, Vyv needs to be held accountable for what he has done, but I agree that this not the means to achieve that. I feel at a loss as to how I could convince him to speak with me.

I am not saying he is some kind of monster and I am not denying the good times that were had, whilst he was still in my life.
You might take a moment to imagine yourself in a situation where your child never came home one night from a function… What would you be going through, wondering about and do to try and find your child. Can you imagine what it is like for a father to be completely cut off from all contact at all. That is a terribly difficult thing for you to imagine as it has never happened to you. I deal with many mums and dads who have had their children taken for no "apparent" reason. It is a terrible thing to have to deal with. Blame is not part of this equation at the moment. There are more important issues to resolve and get communication going.
formymother said
Unless I feel the need, I won't be posting anything further.
I hope all goes well for you and that you take up the offer of some of the mediators / moderators here. Certainly private "chat" rooms are available. The key thing to remember here is the best interests of the child are paramount and in no circumstance should that preclude contact with both parents. Regardless of how much angst and difficulty the parties face there are always ways to make that contact to de-escalate any personal issues between the parents. The first thing is to ask for help and I see by your posts you are looking for appropriate and well founded advice.

I can arrange also for Michael Green or Jill Burrett to assist you to resolve the issues and they are most eminent mediators. :$ Lets hear some more from you when you feel like posting.
hi again formymother.

I've lost step children and know the pain and trauma associated with a loss of love through alienation. I also had to stand back many times as my heart broke and watch their mother used them to effectively get to me.

I'm not saying that this is your situation but all situations have individual complexities, my step children never and don't realize the true scope of what has happened as their mother has kept a wedge in place and to tell the truth I would have never told them. They suffer enough.

When reading posts on any forum there is always an open mind and consideration of cause and effect, the truth may never be known and in honesty much of the time there may be none or both parties may be right but this is secondary in trying to achieve a workable relationship for the child concerned.

In this case there are two yourself and your brother.

I would not expect either one to step into a position to sort this out, you are both children, as you say you just want to be sixteen and that should be all that is expected of you. I know first hand the complexities of values and faith in parents and unbridled trust.

Unfortunately many here have suffered at the hands of the child's childrens other parent and have had to fight with every ounce of love they have and them some. Because of this we may become tainted and stuck in opinion, but this does not mean we are deaf or do not posses a heart, some have lost children to the system or have lost them for extended periods, some like myself have also lost step-children. This is a parents lot.
I can honestly tell you that if my step-children came to have an in depth conversation with me I would be fearful as to why, I would not be sure of their motives.

I personally do not want you to stop posting and with everything the people on the forum who offer help really do want to see yourself and your brother in a better place.

I personally will not ask that you stop supporting your mother but I would ask you to stay a child a little longer. It's up to the two adults to start behaving like adults and stop tearing things apart.

You do not need to and should not be ask to chose anyone over the other.
Nor should you need be concerned with legal issues.

I know your confused and your heart is in you mouth, you have done a very brave thing and I commend you for it.

If you feel like you wish to talk about other aspects of what has happened it may be best to do so in a restricted area with those who can offer support directed for you.

Do not worry you have made your point about keeping an open mind, unfortunately on a forum you will get people who may comment in a way that may be hurtful to a person but usually it is not a personal attack just a general comment.

Most of the things that have happened along the way to me personally I still don't understand and I have a few years under my belt, I still don't understand half the stuff that happened when I was sixteen either so try not to put this pressure on yourself.
 
I understand you are well looked after but this does not mean you are heard.

Take care D4E
I would like to register, but keep on getting an 'error' message after the registration page
Site Admin said
We have located an issue in the new updates that were deployed this morning. These are being backed out now and additional code being worked on
Nevertheless, I am no longer able to participate in this particular thread, for obvious reasons. I really just came on initially to say hi and thanks for the support! I am new to the forum as a whole, so am not yet aware of its 'culture'. But I am concerned that threads like this become excessively personalised. This matter is still before the Family Court. I feel it would be better to conduct threads about the general issues regarding child abduction, for instance, rather than relating to individual cases. one way or another, I can take no further part in this thread following my response below.

And: I'm sorry, I should have warned the forum (and had meant to) that others will come on here with all sorts of claims that have - to the best of my knowledge - already been addressed by the Court. (There will almost certainly be another couple of people arriving soon, if past experience is anything to go on).

Ok, brief response to what has been posted on this thread:
formymother said
I would love to be able to speak with Vyv, one-on-one, but he does not even look at me in court or acknowledge me in the street. It was very confusing for me to have to deal with such an abrupt lack of care when I was 14. Indifference can seem worse than hate.

It truly means a lot to me to hear your concern for my well-being, I can assure I am very, very well looked after. And yes I am seeing a psychologist.

I wish to apologise to anyone who feels that I have been inappropriate or anyone who is confused or disturbed by my views.
Of all the bizarre things you have stated here and elsewhere, one of the strangest is that I don't want to meet or talk with you. I suggest you even ask some people in your circle about my efforts, since the moment of separation, to contact you. I gave up as I received only hostility back, or was blocked by your mum, which you must know about. Everyone has my number (mobile). Call me anytime, I would happily talk with you, and have always wanted to. I address the comments below not to you but to the forum because I do not believe this is a suitable environment for you and I to communicate.

I did not leave you for any reason: I left your mother for very good reasons, most of which you know nothing about.

Secondly, for the forum:

Unfortunately, 'formymother' has stated her opinions in various forums without risk of legal consequence, as she is a minor. It's a powerful position. She has, of course, nothing like 'the full story' (and quite rightly so, she has been protected from that from this end - however, she has been told otherwise).

I absolutely hope she gets the help and support she needs, it is an appalling position for her. I have repeatedly suggested this to people in touch with her.
criticalmass said
Looks like Vyv Rodnight has had to put up with sustained campaign of alienation and abuse from not only his partner, the mother of his son, but also from her daughter (presumably from a different father).

The response of the daughter here is a strong indicator of the abuse that Vyv must have experienced in his family, and working to take his son away from him.

There is obviously a deliberate and sustained campaign to separate the boy from the father, that involves the daughter. This is evidenced by the posting here and the inclusion of a photo of the mother, boy and sister (daughter), posted with the intent of garnering sympathy for the mother.

Perhaps this daughter should be brought before the court and forced to reveal the location of the boy - and held on contempt of court until she does
Harsh, but basically true. But I do not blame formymother - I do not see what choice she had had. She has been deliberately misinformed, yet believes she knows 'the full story'. It's not her fault, and I believe she is suffering terribly - I know she will be missing her mum and half-brother too.
mydaughter said
Seriously! You are justifying actions that are unjustifiable! Any abuse that has taken place between the parents is an issue that needs to be resolved by the Parents. Probably in therapy. Any abuse that has taken place between you and Vyv is a matter to sort out between yourselves. Probably in therapy. There is no justification for your 'Mother' to involve a young boy in issues between the parents. Absolutely none!

It's VERY POOR PARENTING!! To the extreme!
Says it all.
Vyv said
Call me anytime, I would happily talk with you, and have always wanted to. I address the comments above not to you but to the forum because I do not believe this is a suitable environment for you and I to communicate.
Site Admin said
There is an offer on the table to call V anytime. What a great opportunity and an open door to get communications going and should be taken up.

This forum is not private and should you wish to use the private areas of the Portal medium we would need to be advised so a private forum or chat room can be made available for you both. There is no problem in doing that for you.
Apologies, my message lost all its formatting (which I am big on!) when I posted it.

Is there any way I can edit it if I haven't registered?

If not, apologies for everything running into everything else. V
Site Admin OneRingRules said
You cannot edit a post unless you are a member. I have re-edited the formatting of your post so if there are any errors please just post as a guest and I will attend to them.

Last edit: by OneRingRules

Quick addendum (but I am on a slow public computer so it has taken a while, I do not know whether other posts have been added).

'formymother':I'd forgotten, YOU have my mobile number (your last text to me was on 29 or 30 January, arranging pick-up times, mine to your phone on 1 February, yes? Let me know - by getting my number off anyone - if I've got this wrong), and my address, so:I invite you to contact me, phone or letter or visit.
For the forum: FYI, one of the other people who is likely to appear on here any time now actually wrote to Andy Parks (the journalist who wrote the Northern Star article) criticising him for running the story!

Last edit: by OneRingRules

formymother.

I need to apologise to you (and probably the other SRL members and guests).

I made an accusation that you were not who you said you were.

Vyv's recent blogs suggest otherwise.

For this, I am sorry.

Take care.

4MYDAUGHTER
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