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Parents and children

What is the ideal relationship between parents and children?

This relationship should be more severe, parents imposing their terms automatically, or should it be a friendship?

In the latter case, if the child benefit from parents' indulgence and do something stupid?

I know that the situation varies from case to case, but I speak in general.

My wife and I get ready to be parents, by adoption, for the first time, and therefore we want more opinions. So, what do you think?
Hey rom4child,

As you suggest there are many varieties of good parenting that are poles apart and dependent of individuals, not one of my friends parent in the same way and all of them have been influenced by their parents and life experiences.

Best advice anyone can give you is to find a place where you are comfortable and be consistent.

Don't try and be the perfect parent just try and be you, your love will show through and your guidance will ensure a good relationship but before you decide on an approach of parenting meet your child, even babies have personalities so just soak up the experience and grow into the role.

In my opinion parents should be both friend and authority but always a parent with consistancy if this at all helps.

Best of luck D4E   
One thing that I had to do at work some years ago was a course on situational leadership. Basically you lead based upon the situation. I believe that a similar approach could possibly relate to parenting, that is you parent according to the situation by factoring in the child or children.

With the work based situational leadership you have two factors that you consider for each task, skill and will. Each has two levels high or low (low skill, low will = r1, low skill, high will = r2, high skill, low will = r3, high skill, high will = r4).

r1 needs a directing appraoch (do things to increase both their will and skill)
r2 needs a guiding apporach (do things to increase their skill)
r3 needs a supporting approach (do things to raise their will)
r4 needs a delagating approach (leave them to do it)

I haven't deeply considered how this could be adopted for parenting, but it could possibly even be taken as is.

Personally, like so many courses I've been put on, I consider they are on the whole just plain "common all garden" common sense.
Unfortunately I don't believe that there is any secret formula for parenting.

Every child is different therefore requires their own special blend of guidance, love, support and discipline.

I think this is why people say it's the hardest job in the world, it really is trial and error.

However I also believe that there are some amazing books, resources and tools available and as parents it never hurts to be as informed as we can be and to have an array of tools in our parenting toolbox!

Love is the KEY

"Parenting" the toughest, most important job in the world. AND the most enjoyable.

Parenting is about finding a balance. First you need to have a clear understanding of the the of person you want your child to grow into.

Then you need consistency, so your child can predict how you will react. It involves both praise and discipline. Praise to encourage the positive and discipline to help them learn self discipline.

A child needs boundaries, so they know where the limits are. They feel more secure when appropriate boundaries are in place. Don't forget, the boundaries need to be a little flexible, because it is part of a childs development to push against the boundaries as they mature.

I would suggest attending a parenting course - "Triple P" for example can offer suggestions on parenting and discipline. Most of the community support organisation such as Centacare, Anglicare, Unitingcare and Relationships Australia (to name a few) run parenting course which are aimed at parents. The course are usually weighted to a particular  age group, IE. Babies, Todlers, Early School age. Early Teen and Teenagers.

Most important of all - keep an open mind because as soon as you think you have it figured out, your child will find a new way to test you.

For me - Shared Parenting is a Reality - Maybe it can be for you too!
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