I have tried the usual banning of TV, not letting the 17 yr old drive (he's on L's) but it just causes more aggressive behaviour.
Both have had a go at me for ending the relationship with their Dad almost 3 years ago, and now are constantly swearing. My 13 yr old calls me a "f'ing sl**" "c***", and female dog, everything she utters is a demand or insulting tone. They are in constant turmoil, punching, throwing things and causing the whole visit to be unbearable. The 13 yr old has also stolen money off the others, her Dad expects me to sort it out in two weeks when this behaviour has been going on for well over 4 years. My son has also commented that her behaviour during this visit is "way better than at home" (!!!!) Not to mention that nothing is good enough for the 13 year old who critisizes everything from what I serve up for meals, wear, my weight and is derogatory about EVERYTHING.
This is only the 2nd visit from my son in 3 years, last time ended up with the police being called after he abused me the whole visit to the point where I slapped him and he had me bailed up with his hand around my throat and the other holding my hair. (I hadn't realised my ex was on the phone to him the whole time he was yelling at me) It was like watching a puppet of my ex sitting there saying all the things my ex used to when we split.
This morning after yet another fight where I was abused and called names I rang my ex and have requested that I return the kids tomorrow - a 5 hour drive to the half way mark. I gave him a brief outline of todays effort and stated that I want him to pick them up as I will not be treated this way therefore they are not welcome to stay further.
Right now I feel like I should stop all visitation visits to my home, the 4 can have time together when with my ex over holidays, and the 15 yr old has already expressed her dislike of visits that are so unpleasant. I know by the time it comes to the next holiday here (Easter) I will be missing them enough to want them again, however 3 years of this pattern has me torn between wanting to see them and dreading the stress and conflict.
To top it all off I found out earlier in the day that my ex has taken both the older girls for belly button piercings contrary to both spoken and written agreements that this wouldn't happen without either parents consent. It doesn't seem worth involving a solicitor for this however I am concerned at the blatant disregard and undermining of my wishes, undermining of my decisions and also encouraging the girls to go behind my back.
What would you do in this situation? Given that I want the best for my children is it really reasonable to refuse all visits until they can behave?