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13 Years Searching. Where to Next?

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A daughter I was not given an opportunity to know

Firstly, I am sorry if this is a little long winded to start but I believe that I have found a 14 year old daughter that I have never met and am now at a loss as to what next?

During 2002 my house mate had introduced me to one of her friends who was a few years younger than me. She was 21 and I was a little older. We never actually dated as such but we did have an intimate relationship for around 6 months with this lady spending the majority of each week at my house. In my mind we were not dating and with this never really discussed our families or went into any other great detail about our pasts. Wright or wrong,  it was what it was with no expectations from either side or this what I had thought.

The night before this lady walked out of my life she had told me that she was pregnant with my child. She was 100% certain making particular comments as to why she believed this and on my part there was no defence or argument to believe otherwise. Everything added up and made complete sense.

The reason she packed her bag that night and had a friend pick her up at 12:30am was because I made a comment sitting on the edge of the bed of "OK what are we going to do". For whatever her own reasoning was, she took great offence to my statement and flew into a rage. I only saw her one more occasion after this night.

The next month was hell for me. After many, many unanswered text messages and telephone messages I finally got to talk to her and a meeting was set up that night at her friends mothers house which was about a one hour drive. I made the trip and I asked her to come for a drive so we could talk in private. We both sat on the local waterfront and discussed our thoughts and what we would like to see happen from this point. All she kept coming back to was that she wanted me in her life and that she couldn't be a single mum. Abortion and adoption was a million miles from her thoughts and she was very clear that she would be keeping the baby. The conversation was civilized and what I thought to be productive but it kept coming back to her wanting the "whole" family unit deal. I explained to her that we couldn't be together as I did not love her but I did have every intention of loving and caring for our child.

We then went back to the house and I was shown the ultrasound of our baby, my heart melted. This was the last time I would ever see my child.

I received a text a day or so later asking if I had told my mother. My answer was that at this stage I had not. Another few text back and for about this and then the last text she sent  was that I would not be put onto the birth certificate and not to bother coming to the hospital to see HER child.

It was at this point that she fell of the planet.

By this stage my flat mate had moved out, I didn't know any substantial background information about the mother and I spent the next few years trying to find her without  anything but very quick dead ends.

Years went by and then Facebook hit the internet. Fantastic now I can find my child. How wrong was I and for the next few years I searched the internet from time to time and eventually got some good leads on what her brothers names were. This gave me the connections I needed to start searching their friends lists. In 2012 I found that the mother had re married. and had six children, I also found who I believed to be my then 10 year old daughter although with her mums married surname.

Now I had a way of making contact, I sent a number of emails to the mother over a one month period stating that I did not want to turn her life upside down nor was it my intention to contact the young girl directly. I received a couple of very blunt to the point go away emails from the mother with a few conflicting explanations as to why this was not my daughter as well as "you didn't give a (xxxx) for the last 10 years. You are dead to me". I also received an email via Facebook from her mother in-law stating "Kxxxx and my SON are happily married and sometimes you just need to leave the past in the past and carry on with your own life". This comment from a mother in-law doesn't add up either because I imagine that if a her son was accused by a compete stranger of not being the biological father, a normal mother in-law would be furious with me and not just stating that the past is the past. I may be way of the mark here??

In 2013 I sent another email via Facebook to the mother and received a very blunt and short response followed by being blocked from all of her family including the child with whom I have never tried to contact directly and nor would I.

Now within the past week I have noticed that I am no longer blocked on Facebook from only the child but I would still never make contact with her as it may very well not be in her best interest if indeed she has no idea.

I have sent yet another email to the mother this week but also expect that if I do receive anything in return, that it only be more of the same.

With the whole long winded story explained, my questions are:
  1. Am I totally off the mark?
  2. Where to next?
  3. Do I have any legal rights?

Last edit: by Secretary SPCA

I'm really not sure what you want to achieve?
You've said that you don't want to upset the life of the mother or the child, so what is your end game here?
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