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I'm tired and can't take this whole BS process anymore.


I currently spend time with my son every Wednesday 6-8pm and Saturday 9am 6pm  and then every second weekend have him from 6pm Friday to 6pm Saturday.


It's been like this for a year and I can't take it no more. The expert witness report done by the court ordered psychiatrist recommends gradual increase to equal shared care (week about) by the time our son starts school next year.


My ex won't agree. He has now offered me the following:


Pick up from school Wednesday and drop off Sunday 7pm then the alternate week, pick up from school Wednesday and drop off Thursday morning back to school.


Also half school holidays.


He will not agree to a school half way (we live 30 mins away from each other which would mean 2 hours driving a day for me).




I've exhausted every possible avenue to obtain representation but have failed. I refuse to quit my job like many have suggested just so I can get legal aid. What sort of a country is this? The thought of going to court yet again I just can't bear it anymore.


I now don't see any other option but to agree?
Well you have been offered 5 nights per fortnight from one night so that is a much better outlook than a few hours here are there. Can you relocate to be closer in the long term?

Also based on an hours or night count of care for a year you have in excess of 35% care which would entitled you to Family Tax Benefits. This would help cover some of your increased care costs.

What exactly do you want?
Relocating in the short term is not an option but long term maybe.

Equal shared care 50/50
I am a little confused with the information you are posting.

You wrote It's been like this for a year and I can't take it no more. The expert witness report done by the court ordered psychiatrist recommends gradual increase to equal shared care (week about) by the time our son starts school next year.
Then My ex won't agree. He has now offered me the following…


The Courts do have a strong tendency to follow the advice of their expert witnesses but obviously your ex is challenging this. Why are you not making a point in Court that the expert witness report is both fair and necessary for the Child's best interests?

Week about can be problematic even when parents agree. Courts generally do not like week about when the parents are in a high conflict situation because they have seen too many agreed and Court ordered week abouts that have gone pear shaped. Is this what your ex is indicating or are you getting this message from the Bench?

Iamnotanna,

You hang in there mate. I know how tired you must be. I know sometimes you just want to put your head under the pillows and sleep forever. My ex has been giving me hell for 7 years and it is so easy to become vulnerable when you are so broken down you just want approval from the ex.

I've been to hell and back with mine and double guessing everything is what wares you also. I've taken to alcohol and drugs just to not feel anymore, it's a marathon. But I pulled myself up with the help of a great psychiatrist who does not mince words. He made me feel that my enduring campaign for my son is the right thing and I am a noble father. So now that I am positive , strong and full of stamina my ex is melting and. She was so use to the tired old me that she never imagined that I would come back and fight for the righteous goal of my son's rights to have a father in his life. The parents obligations are not rights, but obligations! The obligation of the parents is to ensure the child gets the benefit of both parents. Any parent trying to halt such a progress falls under the category of child neglect.

Be strong for your cause is a noble one to fight for your child's rights.
I understand the tiredness. You want people to be reasonable and caring. Please hang on, find your strength and don't give an inch. Your x will not wake up tomorrow and be reasonable. Know your rights, know the law, dont speak directly to your x. It seems to be the only way.
I don't want to not have to speak to my ex. We have a child together and we need to be able to speak to each other and be civil

Conan - my ex is of the opinion that equal shared care won't work as advised by his barrister that keeps on shoving the McIntosh report in my face.

I'm tired, what's not to understand? The thought of waiting and fighting in court for at least another two years (aready been 18 months in court) is not something I'm willing to do anymore.

Time waits for no man and my son is growing up without me. NOW is important while he is still young.
Iamnotanna said
I don't want to not have to speak to my ex. We have a child together and we need to be able to speak to each other and be civil

Conan - my ex is of the opinion that equal shared care won't work as advised by his barrister that keeps on shoving the McIntosh report in my face.

I'm tired, what's not to understand? The thought of waiting and fighting in court for at least another two years (aready been 18 months in court) is not something I'm willing to do anymore.

Time waits for no man and my son is growing up without me. NOW is important while he is still young.
That is an interesting piece of gender reversal as normally McIntosh is used by Mothers to entrench the conflict. It should be noted that the opposing viewpoint is that the parent creating the conflict does not have the childs best interests at heart.

There have been numerous posts on this site about countering McIntosh and the small sample flawed research she produced.

In the long run it will be the Court to decide on the McIntosh argument. Is the Barrister actually using it in Court?

The barrister was going to use it but not anymore because we aren't going back to court.
My ex came to me in tears telling me he can't do it on his own anymore (still won't budge on the time thing but has compromised a little). Was it all a ploy to get me to agree? Maybe, but it worked. I don't want him nor anyone else to be in any more pain and it needs to end.

We are both going in to court tomorrow on our own to draw up some final orders and that will be the end.
Iamnotanna said
We are both going in to court tomorrow on our own to draw up some final orders and that will be the end.
I hope you have received some advice about what should be in them. Badly constructed orders can be nightmare down the track if things go pear shaped.

We've talked about the major things that need to be included. All the important dates like birthdays etc. In the event something happened to either of us and we were incapable of caring for ur son then that has been sorted as well.
My biggest concern is what school our son will attend. He still refuses to look at a school half way between us.
Obviously I dont know the actual circumstances of your agreement on consent orders, however you should be aware that many FMs will allow consent orders and if agreed between the parties the Court to adjudicate on a disagreement example, the schooling. Courts are more interested in getting the matter out of the way and if they can help they will.
We thought we could just walk in to the Family Court with our orders and get them filed and that would be it.

The ICL needs to sign off them first and so does the Judge.
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