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View topic: Stuck in separation – Family Law Web Guide
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Stuck in separation

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My wife left me 15 months ago.

Just over 100 days ago she started threatening divorce as she believed I wanted it. I told her I didnt.
I still haven't been served.

I asked about it and she said I would hear from her solicitor. She later told me that she can't afford a solicitor and doesn't qualify for legal aid due to our assets. She has the information about making an application herself but it still hasn't happened.

i have been paying child support by private arrangement based on web calculator. She recently requested an official assessment and CSA collect. I don't know why as I set up an automatic bank transfer so it was always reliable. (Any ideas?) It turns out it is the same amount and she has to wait for nearly two months for CS payment. This was after she said she couldn't afford her place and may have to move.

she quit her long term full time job and now working a few days a week.
She took out a car loan before that.
she often requests that I give her money above CS.

im concerned about many seemingly self sabotaging decisions that also impact all of our family.
she requested mediation to change private kid arrangements that already are heavily tilted in her favor for care. (Again, any ideas why?)

During intake process she assaulted me in front of the kids so we received certificates before we got in a room.

She is now attempting to get us in a more expensive mediation that is also logistically unsound for both of us.
We appear to be stuck in this separation.

She self identified as avoidant attachment style. The "textbook" says that long separations are likely as they don't want to fully cut off the spouse but keep them at arms length if needed.

Any tips for an engaged Dad? Next steps?


 

Last edit: by OneRingRules

ForATime said
i have been paying child support by private arrangement based on web calculator. She recently requested an official assessment and CSA collect. I don't know why as I set up an automatic bank transfer so it was always reliable. (Any ideas?) It turns out it is the same amount and she has to wait for nearly two months for CS payment. This was after she said she couldn't afford her place and may have to move.


Child Support guide - 5.2.2 Payer Election to pay Child Support Directly said

5.2.2 Payer election to pay Child Support directly

The Registrar is required to collect registered maintenance liabilities by deductions from the payer's wage or salary if it is practicable to do so. However, the Registrar can accept a payer's election to make payments directly if the Registrar is satisfied the payments will be made on time.



The Child Support Guide - 5.2.2 Payer election to pay Child Support Directly


You can elect to pay directly, keep proof of payments made.

One could only guess at the reasoning although the all so typical "control" factor could be a reason to consider.


ForATime said
She is now attempting to get us in a more expensive mediation that is also logistically unsound for both of us.
We appear to be stuck in this separation.

Perhaps consider initiating court action, you have the certificate.
Thanks. Control does line up with other behaviours.

Court action regarding parenting plan?

I was quoted at least $30K due to disagreement. I understand she doesn't have much money so will this make the process even more drawn out or will a judge need to make a decision for us if I appply and serve her for parenting orders?
ForATime said
Court action regarding parenting plan?
I tend to stick with CS, as that's the area I deal with. However, you could consider self-representing so the cost could be as little as $200 for the application (if it's still that).

There are progressive options such as considering bundling services (I think that's the term for partial/specific service from the legal profession).

My court experience is limited to just one appearance in which the Judge (Magistrate) basically resumed contact and told us to sort it out ourselves, which is what happened.  I represented myself and was under the impression that my contesting the proposed orders from the other parent would result in the matter being heard by the Family Court (rather than Federal Circuit Court).
It appears that a reconciliation is not on the horizon and it may be the time to consider filing for divorce yourself. This may begin the "severance" process for the other party and give you some pivot point to regain control of your life. You haven't mentioned property settlement either, you may want to consider commencing this process too. Making a list of any assets you had before the marriage, post marriage assets etc.

Don't wait for other people to make decisions that affect your life.
I am not filing for divorce.

I realise a property settlement can happen prior. I just don't see why property should be settled before the relationship.

Therefore main focus is the best interests of our children and finding absorbing activities to undertake when waiting for an avoidant to reconcile the marriage matter for one result or another

Thanks for everyone's input.
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