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Seen my kids 4 times in two years

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I have been to court 15 times for a dvo which was not granted as there were no wittness it was my word against his.

hi all,

 this is the first time i have been on here and am very unsure where to put this i hope i got it right fingers crossed, i left my ex partner in 09 due to violence and abuise now for me to get out with my life (about 600km away to my family where i would be safe) i had to leave my children behind and have been fighting to see them ever since first it was that i could see them as long as it was at his house and i had to be alone which i could not do. not that i dont love my children he had told me heaps of times that i was nothing but a dog that deserved to die at one point he told me to dig my grave. since leaving him  i have seen the kids 4 times despite trying every school holidays to see them. have been to court 15 times for a dvo which was not granted as there were no wittness it was my word against his. have done the whole medation thing with no out come tryed to get legal aid to fund me to go to court which was also denied. the only way i got to see the children last was thanks to my dad had to sign paperwork stateing that the children would go back after i signed that and sent it back his laywer came back and saiod that it was not good enough and that now it had to be supevised by my parents (i have never done anthing to harm the children while my ex has child safty has been involved many times over my ex's treatment to his other 2 children that he had lost custody of in court by his ex) which i signed i was just so desprite to see the children now submitted paperwork for him to sign for christmas because i was advised that i was better off to wait till jan to start next step.

upon talking to my daughter i was informed that dad and new girlfrend will be taking both children to sa to visit her children (we live in qld) for 6 weeks. one of my big concerns is that 1 thay wont come back, why were her children taken off her i know that she could be in the same boat as me but at the same time my ex clames he is a good judge of people so good in fact that he let a known child molester move in while we were together long story short cops came took him away and is now doing time. didnt happen to my children as far as anyone knows.

i have now been imformed that ex and his laywer are taking me to fedrel court over custody :(

i just want to be able to have a relationship with my children what can i do please help me
It sounds like you and your ex should both take a good look at yourselves. If you've harassed him to the extent of trying 15 times for a dvo with no success, it's time to move on. I also have to say that your approach is not likely to convince your ex or the court that you are interested in the children's best interests.

Might I also point out that if he was badly treated by the legal system in the previous case, he is not likely to stand still for it to happen again. You may be reaping what somebody else sowed.

Badly written and implemented laws are not willingly complied with, which means more enforcement is required and enforcement is never even-handed. there has to be a "victm" and "perpetrator" and the two will be treated very differently.  That's a tragedy that thousands of Australian men and children experience annually. I hope you and your ex can work it out.
wow that was a bit harsh it was not 15 dvo's it was one i had no laywer and him and his laywer had so much fun rubbing it in that i didn't have the kids this ONE dvo only came about after 50 calls and text a day from him i did it cause it had to stopi have tryed to work this out from day dot. i know that there was wrong on both side and that my children are my number 1. as you so kindly stated that im not thinking of the children if i was not thinking of the children i would have been there and just taken them but thats not the best thing for the kids no matter how much it hurts everyday

in your last statement, it's not only men its women too.i hope it gets worked out too
try writing to him personally, keep a copy, requesting meeting and seeing your children in a public place, park, lunch, with him present also. if you are serious about your children dont fight over them, that will only impact on them. also request phone calls and internet contact eg, skype. dont feed the ego, be calm and patient, if he is who u say he is, when he relises he cant hurt u using the children he will get bored with the game
Clearly there is more this than meets the eye. You have not had regular contact with the children since 09. This is unusual to say the least.

I also find it unusual that he is making application to the FMC, when the children are living with him.

I think it is probably best that this matter is presented before the courts for judgement. It will give you an opportunity to state your case and give reasons behind what has been going on and both of you will have the opportunity to ask the other to justify your actions.

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can not hurt you"

Executive of SRL-Resources
walked over said
I left my ex partner in 09 due to violence and abuise now for me to get out with my life (about 600km away to my family where i would be safe) i had to leave my children behind and have been fighting to see them ever since first it was that i could see them as long as it was at his house and i had to be alone which i could not do.
This matter should be in court by now. The Federal Magistrates are the right place to deal with this. You should have completed your mediation (PDR) and have a 60i certificate to go to court. It is totally unacceptable that there have been only 4 contacts in 2 years. You should have done a lot more by now to move this ahead.
walked over said
…not that i don't love my children he had told meheaps of times that i was nothing buta dog that deserved to die at one point he told me to dig my grave. since leaving him, i have seen the kids 4 times despite trying every school holidays to see them.
It seems here there is much hostility and a Federal Magistrate will soon get to the bottom of things.
walked over said
Have been to court 15 times for a dvowhich was not granted as there were no wittness it was my word against his.
It is simply ridiculous to have gone to court 15 times seeking an ADVO. Are YOU going to court or are the POLICE going to court for you? The Judicial Magistrate would know you by first name I would suggest. If you have gone to court 15 times looking to get an ADVO and at this stage not have one then I suggest there is some real problem. There is no extensive test in respect to getting a ADVO and in some states its a little more than others. In NSW the Objects of the Act are:

(1) The objects of this Act in relation to domestic violence are:
(a) to ensure the safety and protection of all persons, including children, who experience or witness domestic violence, and
(b) to reduce and prevent violence by a person against another person where a domestic relationship exists between those persons, and
© to enact provisions that are consistent with certain principles underlying the Declaration on the Elimination of Violence against Women, and
(d) to enact provisions that are consistent with the United Nations Convention on the Rights of the Child.

Now if you do not live with the ex husband and do not see the children except for 4 times (I have assumed on pick-ups) in two years (Since 2009) I would suggest that physical violence is not the problem and there may be intimidation.

Meaning of intimidation
(1) For the purposes of this Act, intimidation of a person means:
(a) conduct amounting to harassment or molestation of the person, or
(b) an approach made to the person by any means (including by telephone, telephone text messaging, e-mailing and other technologically assisted means) that causes the person to fear for his or her safety, or
(c ) any conduct that causes a reasonable apprehension of injury to a person or to a person with whom he or she has a domestic relationship, or of violence or damage to any person or property.

(2) For the purpose of determining whether a persons conduct amounts to intimidation, a court may have regard to any pattern of violence (especially violence constituting a domestic violence offence) in the persons behaviour.

So do any of the above apply? If they genuinely apply and are on going then an ADVO order would be made. "Reasonable grounds to fear", is an objective test that is a fairly low bar to cross (Not as high as beyond reasonable doubt) and that is, would a reasonable person, an average man/women being present on such an occasion would think that the persons conduct would amount to …. (whatever the behaviours are as prescribed above). Courts have also commented that the views of the reasonable person are not thin skinned, but are tolerant and understanding.

What does the court look at:

Matters to be considered by court
(1) In deciding whether or not to make an apprehended personal violence order, the court must consider the safety and protection of the person seeking the order and any child directly or indirectly affected by the conduct of the defendant alleged in the application for the order.
(2) Without limiting subsection (1), in deciding whether or not to make an apprehended personal violence order, the court is to consider:
(a) in the case of an order that would prohibit or restrict access to the defendants residencethe effects and consequences on the safety and protection of the protected person and any children living or ordinarily living at the residence if an order prohibiting or restricting access to the residence is not made, and
(b) any hardship that may be caused by making or not making the order, particularly to the protected person and any children, and
(c ) the accommodation needs of all relevant parties, in particular the protected person and any children, and
(d) any other relevant matter.

(3) When making an apprehended personal violence order, the court is to ensure that the order imposes only those prohibitions and restrictions on the defendant that, in the opinion of the court, are necessary for the safety and protection of the protected person, and any child directly or indirectly affected by the conduct of the defendant alleged in the application for the order, and the protected persons property.

(4) If an application is made for an apprehended personal violence order that prohibits or restricts access by the defendant to any premises or place and the court hearing proceedings in respect of the application decides to make an order without the prohibition or restriction sought, the court is to give reasons for that decision.

If you have have read the above and it applies and you are in NSW, you should make your complaint to the Police and have them take action.

I think you will find that having only seen the father just 4 times in two years and you live 600 Km away, will be a problem in getting an ADVO.
walked over said
I have done the whole medation thing with no out come tryed to get legal aid to fund me to go to court which was also denied. the only way i got to see thechildren last was thanks to mydad had to sign paperwork stateing that the children would go back after i signed that and sent it back his laywer came back and saiod that it was not good enough and that now it had to be supevised by my parents (i have never done anthing to harm the children while my ex haschild saftyhas beeninvolved many times over my ex's treatment to his other 2 children that he had lost custody of in court by his ex) which i signed i was just so desprite to see the children now submitted paperwork for him to signfor christmas because i was advised that i was better off to wait till jan to start next step.

upon talking to my daughter i was informed that dad and new girlfrend will be taking both children to sa to visit her children (we live in qld) for 6 weeks. one of my big concerns is that 1 thay wont come back, why were her children taken off her i know that she could be in the same boat as me but at the same time my ex clames he is a good judge of people so good in fact that he let a known childmolester move in whilewe were togetherlong story short cops came took him away and is now doing time.didnt happen to my children as far asanyone knows.

i have now been imformed that ex and his laywer are taking me to fedrel court over custody :(

i just want to be able to have a relationship with my childrenwhat can i do please help me
I think you need to get into a Federal Magistrates court sooner than later. You are unable to pay for legal aid and I would suggest you let us know why legal aid have turned down your application. There must be some reason that you have not been able to get legal aid and why the solicitor for the father is seeking supervised contacts only. Are you of Aboriginal or Torres Straight Islander descent? If you are then there are other legal options available to you. I agree and concur with my colleague "Patronus" and would not delay in getting this to a Federal Magistrates Family court where matters will be properly determined.

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
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