Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

Post Final Orders Problems

Add Topic
Hi Everyone

I am new to this forum and was wondering if anyone could suggest what I should do.

As my name suggests I am a mother to 4 children whom range in ages from 7 to 10 (yougest ones are twins).

For basically there whole lives there father has been in and out of contact with them. He would see them for a bit and then disappear for 4 mths or more and then reappear out of the blue. He would never actually take them but would just turn up at my house to see them for a short period of time.

Anyway to cut a long story short nearly 3 years ago he took the children and did not let me have them back or see them etc. As we had no orders I had to take it to court to get the children back. This was a very lengthy process. It started with me being granted every weekend while we wait for a family report to be written then it was recommended that we do week on week off.

We did this for a year and then when it was due to go back to court my ex told the children's lawyers that it was not working and he wanted full custody. I was surprised as he had it very easy and was collecting single parent pension as well as child support from me as I worked etc. So our case went to trial.

I ended up having the children living with me and he got every 2nd weekend starting on a Thursday after school until Monday before school. In short the judge and the children's lawyers just jumped on my ex and it was all settled very quickly.

My ex was very unreasonable the whole way through the court case so much that 2 sets of his legal representatives quit. Needless to say he was not happy with not "winning" (although there is never a winner in custody cases) he ended up having the children for every 2nd weekend as ordered.

As he had under 35% all of his Centrelink money and child support was stopped. He put an appeal into Centrelink and the day that he found out he lost his appeal was the day he stopped seeing his children. That day happened to have fallen on the Friday of his access weekend and he did not collect them on that day (this was about 3 months after the children started living with me). The children's lawyer then took it back to court and the magistrate basically said stop wasting government money and go fight it out between ourselves and turned our orders into final orders.

My ex then went to the children's school that afternoon and gave them lollies and said they will never go to his house again (one can never understand how a parent could say such a thing) that was Dec 2008.  He then made no contact with the children at all until about 6 weeks ago when he turned up at their school just before lunch time wanting to see them.

That day was a Monday and the day after what should have been his weekend to have the children. I happened to have been at the school at the time and I told him that I did not think it was a good idea to see the children at school considering he has the opportunity every weekend and that making a surprise visit was not in the best interest of the children. In the end I left so as not to cause a commotion at the school. The school asked the children if they wanted to see their father and the eldest boys (9 & 10) said they didn't want to but the twins, being 7, did.

As to be expected their behaviour was very distruptive for several weeks following etc.

I then went to the FRC to see if I could organise some mediation. I had my interview and he was invited but time has now past and he did not make contact.  

What I am wanting to know is - would it be unreasonable for me to ask the courts to add a clause to orders stating that if he chose not to have contact with the children for long periods of time then he is to give me say 2 days notice when he wants to see the children?

I don't have intentions of stopping him from seeing the children but it is more about the not knowing.

Our only allowable way of communicating is via email and I only email him when I really need to and I always keep it very pleasant and no nagging etc but he refuses to reply. All 4 of our children have had their birthdays this year and he made no contact with them for that either.

This is normal behaviour for him and it is also normal that he would just turn up on his day out of the blue and just get the kids (as legally he has the right to do I know) So basically at the momment as he is entitled to have them every 2nd weekend from a Thursday afternoon - I have to spend 2 afternoons a fortnight wondering if he will be there and if I have to pick up the children from school etc.

The other thing is would it be unfair to ask that his time be changed from Friday afternoons and not Thursday.

I have to note here that I have always been very reasonable towards him and it is controlling nature that is making it impossible to move through all this. The other sad thing is that my eldest 2 boys have no interest in their father and feel let down and feel that they can not trust him. I try very hard not to say anything in front of the children regarding their father but also I refuse to defend his behaviour.

Another point to note is that he only lives 1 street away from us and he reason for not seeing the children is that he can not afford to feed them. It is funny how I can afford to feed them because I choose to work!

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets