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how to prove child is mine

How do i go about getting a paternity test on the child i have been paying child support to for 11 years. I have been informed by other people that my ex cheated on me around the same time she fell pregnant. The child doesn't look like me or her. The mother tries her hardest to make my life hell and at the moment its working. Please help.
These are the thoughts that are running through my head after reading your post…

Certainly if a child is not the biological child of a CS paying "father" then that man should not have to contribute financially for that child.  However, the child you are referring to is 11 years old, so I would hope that before you go on creating a certain amount of upheaval in your child's life by organising parentage tests, that you will strongly be considering the following… 

Detaching yourself from your personal views about the child's mother and hers about you…

What kind of relationship do you and the child currently have?
Have you been part of the child's life right through?
Do you love the child as your own?  Would finding out you are not the father change that?
If you are very close to your child what kind of impact could this have on the child?  (Whatever the results generate the child is still going to know you are disputing parentage of him/her)
Are you prepared for the possible actions/reactions scenario that you will be setting up between yourself and the child if you are proven to be the father?
Is this something that you yourself thought or is it something which has passively been infiltrated by your friends?

You say that the child does not look like you or the mother…

This has little relevance as although usually speaking a child will inherit at least the dominant traits of one parent this is not always the case.  If both parents have matching genetic components (alleles) that are recessive so are not expressed then these hidden alleles could have still been passes on to the child and the visual traits the child has may cause the child to "look" different to both parents.  Also too, there are a number of mutant genes in every persons genetic makeup which can also lead to a change in a persons appearance which would not otherwise match the appearance of the biological parents. 

For example  We take eye colour (Brown and Blue eyes)

Each person inherits 1 allele (genetic component) for eye colour from each of their parent's and will pass on 1 of these alleles to their own offspring.

The dominant allele for eye colour is Brown - represented by (B)
 The recessive allele for eye colour is Blue - represented by (b)

All offspring that inherit 2 brown eye alleles will have brown eyes (BB)
All offspring that inherit 1 brown eye allele and 1 blue eye allele will have brown eyes (Bb) - remember brown is dominant 
All offspring that inherit 2 blue eye alleles will have blue eyes (bb)

Parent X has brown eyes so their gene for eye colour could be either (BB) or (Bb)
 Parent Y has blue eyes so their gene for eye colour is (bb)

If Parent X is (BB) then the only allele that can be passed on to offspring is (B)
If Parent X is (Bb) then they they can pass on either a brown eye allele (B) or a blue eye allele (b) to their offspring
Parent Y is (bb) and can only pass on a blue eye allele to their offspring (b)

Parent X and Parent Y have a baby (we do not know whether Parent X is (BB) or (Bb) as the recessive trait is always hidden)
If Parent X is (BB) then all offspring will have brown eyes (Bb) i.e. being (B) from Parent X & (b) from Parent Y  
If Parent X is (Bb) then the they offspring could have either brown eyes (Bb) or blue eyes (bb) i.e (B) or (b) from Parent X & (b) from Parent Y

Add to this Parent Z

Parent Z has brown eyes (BB) or (Bb)

Parent Z and Parent X have a baby

If Parent Z is (Bb) and Parent X is (Bb) then both parents can pass on to their offspring a brown eye allele (B) or a blue eye allele (b), so the combinations for their offspring could be (BB), (Bb) or (bb).  This means that 2 brown eyed parents can have a child with blue eyes (bb).  
Throw into that mix any mutations that any of those parents have in regard to eye colour then this can also change things and I'm not going there!!

So anyway my point is…that as with eye colour what is visually expressed in an offspring may not always be the same as a parent and this could still be consistent with both parents own genetic makeup.      

Anyway…it's only you ultimately who can decide this one and I wish you luck in your decision.  You will need consent from the other party for a DNA test on the child and if this is rejected then you might need to go to Court.

Good Luck.  

"Never, "for the sake of peace and quiet," deny your own experience or convictions". Dag Hammarskjold
I needed help with my case and couldn't afford a lawyer and found these guys invaluable  srl-resources.org
A well thought out response CrazyWorld. I was told that 2 of my 4 children were not mine by a close friend of the X. I weighed up the options and decided that as I had raised them from birth (  until we separated) that our children were ours, regardless. I couldn't justify the trauma and possible hatred from the children. If it is true then so be it, but, until the children are told ( if told) that I am not their biological father I am.

Even if it were to be true I could not abandon them and would always want to be a part of their lives. That would be their individual choices of course.
There are legal precedents that once the child has been acknowledged as your child (whether biologically correct or not) you remain responsible for child support. Before taking any action, consider the ramifications long and hard.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Sherman,

I have been in youre position, except at the time, our children were still almost new born, I had received the same news and was suspicious of my ex also, turns out with good reason too. I had the other party consent to having the paternity tests done, and the results were that the children in question were mine, even though one looks nothing like either of us. The process that Crazyworld explained to you is correct, and the cost is around $1000 - $1700 for up to three children and the other party to be tested. You may have to foot this cost alone as the other party may not want to contribute to what possibly could be secrets. Either way the waiting and doubt are hard to control while youre awaiting the results. So really think this through thoroughly before you make a decision especially given the time you have been in this childs life. If you read another of my posts in names on birth certificates you will see the process explained there, it should be adhered to, but is easy to mess up either intentionally or by accident. You can have a local GP take the samples as long as they contact the DNA testing company first, and there are Affidavits to fill out and swear, passport size photos of each person to be tested to be taken, its a lengthy process. May take you up to a month just to get the samples taken then you have atleast another two weeks before any results will be available.

Hope this is of some help.

Spock
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