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need help with serious parental alienation

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Hi there,

I have been seperated from my ex for 11 yrs now & have been the soleparent for all that time.Just recently she decided to live with her Dad. Long story short….she has been living there full time for 6 mths & I have her for a 5 day w'nd every second.

He has managed to manipulate her into believing that I am no good. She disrespects me, lies to me etc. I have read up about parental alienation & am really concerened for my daughter & how much he has brainwashed her. Really need help as we are due to go back to court in a few mths.

Thanks

Sec SPCA said
Name provided and withheld

Last edit: by Secretary SPCA

Guest said
He has managed to manipulate her into believing that I am no good.

Perhaps your daughter worked this out for herself?

4MYDAUGHTER
4mydaughter said
Perhaps your daughter worked this out for herself?
Wow, I had to look twice, I thought it was another reply and comment by Conan.

Guest said
I have been seperated from my ex for 11 yrs now
and you are still going through the courts ??????.  Maybe Guest can reply and tell us how long your case has been going through the courts, it may explain a lot

Guest said
She disrespects me, lies to me etc. I have read up about parental alienation & am really concerened for my daughter & how much he has brainwashed her.
I am assuming here, may I guess that your daughter is over 11 years old and may be even a teenager, if that is so, some of the way your daughter treats you may be just adolescence kicking in.

Sometimes a little bit of knowledge can be a dangerous thing
Wow - I thought this was a "support" forum!!!
4mydaughter, you are way out of line in your comment to someone seeking advice and help.

If people have nothing nice to say just say nothing at all - cause when we are going through enough in our lives the last thing we need are "Smart A*se Comments".
Remember that always believe in yourself your morals and that you have done the right thing…. eventually when children get older they will work it all out for themselves.
Good luck and stay true to yourself and to your daughter.
For the people out there who keep writing comments to demoralise us and make us out to feel worse than we already do…. do you not think we have enough going on without coming on here to get support and end up with comments like you send.
Hey srlsurvivor and confused 2010 - you are posting in a forum titled New Site Visitors Questions and Answers on a site called FamilyLawWebGuide.

Does the name of the site and the forum imply tea, coffee and sympathy? Support can mean being honest with people and not pandering to them or giving false hope - there are plenty of bleeding hearts forums out there for people with fragile sensibilities - Family Law is a tough business.
Sorry Guest.  Please take a really good look and ensure this could not be the boot on the other foot. Even if it is not, booting the daughter between parents and taking away all the childs control over thier life may not be a good thing (I was told that children that have no control and want control over thier life may turn to, and focus on an aspect they can control such as eating, leading to anorexia or lead to some other problems).   As a Teenager she would be inquisative about her father (just as you would hope she would be about you if the positions had of been reversed for the last 11 years).  If i can assume you have been a good mother (that has not alienated the father for 11 years) then please consider that:
* You cannot force a teenager to do anything against thier will (especially if very strong willed)
* keep showing love and respect and consider that the use of brute force (i.e. the courts) especially on a teenager may be the best tactic and in fact counter productive.
* You have her for 5 days so plan and make it quality time (and is a lot more than most parents and if you are being alienated that is pleanty of time to show her who you are from her teenagers perspective)  
* I think the quote goes: if you love them let them go and they will return.  
* Some children and people must learn from thier own mistakes (and simply cannot learn from other peoples mistakes)
* As it is shared the child must be safe and if so then reconsider if you are letting your parental feelings take precedence over the childs feelings and needs.

As long as the child knows you always acted in thier best interest (and they were not abused and used as a pawn in some vengence as many children are) then they will return (at least we must live with that hope) especially if family orientated.
 
The other thing is that teenages go through a phase whereby they are self centered and selfish (and some never grow out of it).  Suggest you may need to go on a parenting course if this is new to you!

I wish your Child good luck in the struggle ahead and hope she grows up and recieves the unconditional love of both parents (which all children deserve).
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