Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

Mother unable to comply with orders?

Add Topic
Hi all,

First post here - didn't even know this place existed!

A bit of background.  My ex and I split up around 7 years ago.  We were never married, but had two kids together.  Child A is now 12 and Child B is now 9.  Through some good fortune and wrangling from me, both children live with me.  We went through some trouble, however eventually I was able to get the ex to sign consent orders stating that the children reside with me and spend time with her every second weekend, half school holidays and for dinner every wednesday night.  In the main I was happy with the orders (final) and found them workable.

However, in the last few years, the ex has met another guy and had a couple of kids to him, which is all well and good.  However, in that time she had also had a number of very serious health problems and has not lived in the same abode for more than 6 months at a time - including moving interstate for a year (she recently moved back to my state).  The problem this causes is that getting her to adhere to the orders, as they are, is almost impossible.  At present she is living (with her fiance and 2 new kids) at her fiance's parents house.  Apparently it is very crowded there and it got so bad she sent her eldest new kid (2-3 yo) to stay with her mum in another state, until she can find a place to live in my state.  As they do not have room for my children to stay with them, the every second weekend and half school holidays are out of the question.  And she hasn't had them for a wednesday night dinner for years.

Things have been proceeding in the interim, by me being quite flexible.  Generally I will get a message from her late on a Friday afternoon asking if she can have the kids on the saturday, or the sunday.  I am generally quite flexible and want my children to spend time with their mum.  They have a right to know her and spend time with her.  As far as I am concerned, I have been doing my best to be flexible and allow these times as our current orders state the kids will spend time with her as outlined above, "Or any other times, as per agreement."  Unfortunately, it's not always easy or convenient for me to be this flexible.  Recently there have been some occasions where what she has proposed has not been convenient (I had made other plans or her proposed plans were just not very workable) and I have had to turn her down.  Obviously she does not like this and often will get quite irate with me and will hit me with a barrage of messages and questions.

For example:  Recently, in regards to the upcoming Father's Day - I informed the ex that I would like the kids to be with me on the Sunday (Father's Day), but I didn't mind if she saw them on Saturday.  She said she didn't know if she could see them on the Saturday and would let me know.  I said that would be fine and asked her to let me know.  I sent a message to the ex this morning reminding her about Father's Day and asking that if she wanted to have them on Saturday (I hadn't heard back yet), could she please have them back home by 3pm.  I have planned to take the kids over to my new partner's house on the Saturday night, sleep there, and the kids (my two plus my partner's child) could celebrate Father's Day with me together and shower me with presents.   The ex replied that she already had made plans for the kids for Saturday and they would not be getting home until after 8pm (closer to 9:30pm).

What I would like to ask the collective wisdom, here, is this: 

1) Am I right in my view that as the ex is in no position to adhere to the main points of the orders, the catchall "as per agreement" clause would be in effect?

2)  In the situation outlined above, would it be draconian of me to refuse for her to have the children this Saturday, as we have been unable to come to an agreement?

I do not want to inflame things with my ex.  She can be unpredictable and vindictive enough.  However, I also don't want my ex to be able to walk all over me, just because I try to be flexible.  Is it really my problem if she can't get her life together enough to be able to adhere to the orders she agreed to?

Any help, and all opinions, gladly considered.

Regards,

M.
do your orders have a notice period ?
was notice (either way) given with sufficient time ?

The orders will be easy to interpret.

It is the consequences of using the letter of the law that you already know the result of.
Weather the "insanity" or give in are the choices I see also.
Unless you can smooth it over with some magic words.
wabbit said
do your orders have a notice period ?
was notice (either way) given with sufficient time ?

The orders will be easy to interpret.

It is the consequences of using the letter of the law that you already know the result of.
Weather the "insanity" or give in are the choices I see also.
Unless you can smooth it over with some magic words.

 
Hi wabbit, thanks for the response.

I can't recall anything in the orders about a notice period, however I don't have them with me so I will check when I am next at home.

"Insanity" is right on the money, unfortunately.  And if I give in, I can only see this kind of thing getting worse.  It's the "you give an inch, they run a mile" attitude.  To be honest, I think I have been amazingly accepting and flexible about her inability to get it together.

M.
1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets