Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

I'm So Lost... Just about to seperate and NO idea what is going on...

Add Topic
Oh where to start??

The situation is this:

My wife has asked me for a divorce after 8 years.. Why? "because we are different"?

She has decided that we need to sell the house.. OK I do have to agree we do have to sell up… We have run out of other assets to sell while she has been on "maternity leave" (2.5 years) it was the only way we could keep the house repayments happening during that time….

The house I have bought 3 years before I have met her with the financial aid of my parents.. I have had an agreement with them that if I ever sell the house I would pay them back % of the house.. It was a written agreement between us, but never "legalized"  When I met my wife (before I have married her) I have told her that my Parents have a stake in the house, at that time I sugested that we make the aragement with my parents legal, but she has promised she would honor the arrangement and not to bother with the lawyers. Eight years later we are selling the house, and separating. My parents want their money, I'm more than happy to pay them back what WE owe them, but my wife now tells me she has never heard of the arrangement!! (I have made a point of reminding her of the fact several times over the last 8 years usually when ever she was thinking of selling the house)

Knowing my Father I know he will just love to drag this out through the courts… the problem is it is MY name on the document only.. Do I have a legal leg to stand on or is my wife going to take, the kids, and the money. living me in debt to my parents? or did she by marring me also take on this debt?

When we sell the house how will the money be split? I have seen a Lawyer regarding writing up a Binding Financial Agreement between her and me but if I agree to her terms I will not have any money left to pay them for one! Is it worth taking this to courts… let the lawyers sort this out (there is a very good chance my fees will be equal to my winnings lol)

She has on number of occasions mentioned Spousal Maintenance :o does that mean I will have to pay her while she is unemployed? How do I calculate it?

How Do I calculate the Child support? She is refusing to see any mediator for various reasons… can I legally force her to see one? Is there such a mediator for finances?

Any help would be appreciated… I feel like i'm being taken for a ride both by my wife and lawyers…
It is possible to be taken 'for a ride' by lawyers.
It happened to me.
His mother 'lent/gave' him money to pay out his first wife.
As there was nothing in writing the lawyers said that it was still binding and had to be included in the property settlement.

However when it went to court, he could not provide any evidence of the so called 'loan'
either in writing or (most important) any attempt to repay it. He said his mother was gravely ill and could not be called to testify.
the FM said it was gifted.

So in your case…1. you have something in writing
                       2. your parents can vouch for this in court if necessary
                       3. any repayments would go in your favour with receipts of course.
Hi Lostinit ,

I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time and hope everything works out for the best.

Can you confirm something - You said your EX has decided that you need to sell the house ? What do you want to do , do you want to sell it ?

Child support is worked out using a formula  www.csa.org.au . Have you worked out an agreement in realation to your children ?

You can use mediation for property and children through places like relationships Australia which is a cheaper alternative .

I am not a lawyer and will stear clear of trying to give you any legal advice , but from a parent who has been through to similiar to what your going through , always remember you have rights too ,  dont feel that you have to agree to selling houses etc if you dont want to , there are other alternatives.

It may be a case of your ex wanting to speed things up so she can get as much she can as quickly as she can.

I have made the assumption that the house is in both names , and your parents helped you out with the deposit ?
Hi Lostinit ,

I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time and hope everything works out for the best.

Can you confirm something - You said your EX has decided that you need to sell the house ? What do you want to do , do you want to sell it ?

Child support is worked out using a formula  www.csa.org.au . Have you worked out an agreement in realation to your children ?

You can use mediation for property and children through places like relationships Australia which is a cheaper alternative .

I am not a lawyer and will stear clear of trying to give you any legal advice , but from a parent who has been through to similiar to what your going through , always remember you have rights too ,  dont feel that you have to agree to selling houses etc if you dont want to , there are other alternatives.

It may be a case of your ex wanting to speed things up so she can get as much she can as quickly as she can.

I have made the assumption that the house is in both names , and your parents helped you out with the deposit ?
phoenix21 said
Hi Lostinit ,

I am sorry to hear you are going through a tough time and hope everything works out for the best.

Can you confirm something - You said your EX has decided that you need to sell the house ? What do you want to do , do you want to sell it ?

Child support is worked out using a formula  www.csa.org.au . Have you worked out an agreement in realation to your children ?

You can use mediation for property and children through places like relationships Australia which is a cheaper alternative .

I am not a lawyer and will stear clear of trying to give you any legal advice , but from a parent who has been through to similiar to what your going through , always remember you have rights too ,  dont feel that you have to agree to selling houses etc if you dont want to , there are other alternatives.

It may be a case of your ex wanting to speed things up so she can get as much she can as quickly as she can.

I have made the assumption that the house is in both names , and your parents helped you out with the deposit ?
 
Thanx for the reply…

Yes my wife did decide to sell the house… she did give me the option of buying it out but even the mention of renting it out was met with very strong opposition. I would live to keep it… or at least live in it.. I'm hoping an investor will buy it and I will be able to work out some sort of arrangement… at present I will not be able to afford the rent it alone but as it happens this house is set up so that one of the rooms can be easly sublet (and I have a mate who is looking for a room)

I have a feeling that she is trying to speed thing up… If I ask her to do any thing to that might speed things up it is done very quickly and of course any thing I do.. it is not fast enough…

The section 32 which Is the Vendors Statement lists only ME which makes me think the House is in my name.. while the loan is in both our names.. (we refinanced the house after we married… we needed cash for renovations and to pay off her debts which she had from before we met…) When I bought the house initially my parents did lend ME some the money for the deposit.

I'm hoping to have the financial side settled and some sort of arrangement in place before the house is sold… My Number one concern now is to find a suitable living arrangements for my self and the kids.. My second concern is to be able to pay back my parents… My third concern is how to protect my future earnings and any inheritance (my parents are very concerned that she will be intateled to their money as well).
Do you have an accountant or financial advisor ? Perhaps the best thing at this time is get some professional financial advice about whats best for you and the kids and your future .

Dont be forced into doing anything yet.Rash decisions can be costly in the long term.

Talk to your parents too and get some legal advice asto where you all stand .

Maybe the solution might be keeping the house and paying out the ex ,( less the debt she brought with her and  you have paid for ?) ( once again this is not legal advice )
Do not be to quick to give in and throw the towel to her. Look at alternatives before a final decision. Remove all costs including money to parents to calculate a final amount. Not sure if you can also reduce her percentage due to her previous debts. Same deal with me as I am no legal person, just a divorce survivor.
My third concern is how to protect my future earnings and any inheritance (my parents are very concerned that she will be intateled to their money as well).

She cannot access any future inheritance.
All calculations are done on what is available now or when it goes to court.
If it goes to court everything must have a value.
It does not matter what name any property is in once you are married it becomes joint property(for better and for worse)
Start by getting 3 real estate agent valuations so that you have some idea of the value less any mortgage.
Then take off the amount owing to your parents.
Start at 50/50%
Work out the value of both yours and her possession before marriage.
If you brought in significantly more then you are entitled to get a greater percentage. This also depends on how long you were together as the longer you are together the more it erodes down to 50/50
Very little if anything has been said about the child here.

The agreement with the parents may well hold up and there is some complexity there that will need some resolution.

There is no immediate need to sell up from what I can see. There has been some good advice in relation to making haste slowly. It is critical that you know where you are going and I don't mean where you or she are going to live. You need to seek advice from a number of sources, weigh up the options, the costs and look at what is the best solution for you and the family. Your ex may be in a  hurry to sell up and go but there is no reason you need to sell up in a hurry. Haste here can lead to mistakes and poor decisions. From what I can see you are the only person on the title. That may be so and you can sell it and take all the proceeds, but the marriage means that the property will be considered jointly by any court.

Rosey has made suggestions and a good starting point for discussions. Make sure your documentation is protected and secured especially any documentation around the parents assisting you in the property. You will need evidence and if push comes to shove they will be drawn into matters as a party to any case.

Inheritance is considered in settlement and in fact there have been cases many years after the separation, but not common. If you can get everything worked out and on paper with your ex before you sell the house that will give everyone a clear understanding of what they will get and where they will be able to afford to live etc.. At the end of the day the assets are one thing but it is the welfare of the children that should be considered first and the assets second. They deserve two good parents after separation.

.

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
 Was my post helpful? If so, please let others know about the FamilyLawWebGuide whenever you see the opportunity
 
Secretary SPCA said
Very little if anything has been said about the child here.

At the end of the day the assets are one thing but it is the welfare of the children that should be considered first and the assets second. They deserve two good parents after separation.

.
 
Totally agree.. I'm leaving the children out of this conversation on purpose because I can see there will be another can of worms… At the moment I'm trying to work out how I can afford to rent out a place suitable for me to have the kids over? If I don't fight for every cent I'm entitled and let her take as much as she wants and I have to repay my parents out of my share than I will be left with a debt. Debt = repayments = lower standard of living… (ie. share house or a one bed room apartment/bungalow)… if I have to fight for my share and it if the costs are to much again I will be in debt…

Also it has been posted "If you brought in significantly more then you are entitled to get a greater percentage. This also depends on how long you were together as the longer you are together the more it erodes down to 50/50" Does it work in reverse? for debt? she had a considerable debt when I met her… in fact the first time I refinanced the house was to pay off her debts and put her on to the house (at her request) and than my parents gave us money when the first child was born to get a better car.. but we used more than half of that to pay off the rest of her debt… Would this be taken into the account? What documents will I need to obtain?
1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets