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Grandparents are emotionally abusive

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Strewth.
Amazing that things can become so sordid in the courts.

My distrust began when Legal Aid's (Qld) rep - a woman - told me, in response to several comments made by the maternal grandfather, that he would be "only joking". These comments included such things as putting my child into a microwave and freezer as forms of punishment and entertainment. Not once mind you, but over the course of several encounters with that side of the family.

My second brush with so called professionals lent me advice that I should put a full stop where this relationship ended, forget my child because the battle will be long and rescind all property I have interest in because I would lose it all in the end anyhow.

The third attempt, the principle of the firm I went to told me that for the next two years I would get an hour once a fortnight and that was all he would push for despite the above disclosures (and then some).

In a last ditch effort and because the ex's own sister was telling me just what was going on, how the mother was behaving and how my child was being neglected (details provided should they be needed), I sought the assistance of a barrister in the hopes that their more court based experiences would achieve more in terms of what actually happens in these instances. Lawyers, as good as they are can be. can also be more interested in dragging things out or simply 'playing the game'.

Finally, a woman could see that these comments were neither normal nor acceptable but DID expain that a quirk in the law makes it very difficult to press a claim for family violence for a child in utero (yes, the comments were made within 12weeks of his birth). However, she was equally adamant that with everything else I had claimed, the home environment this child was being born into was a very frightening prospect.

While these physical threats are devastating, it is also the level to which the grandparents are emotionally abusive to their kin. This is not just me saying this; the maternal grandmother's own sister and mother have told me this.
My whole family is very emotional abusive and i don't know what to do. I just keep saying i'll wait 3 more yrs and then leave but i don't think i can wait that long. I've turned into someone who is very private and alone and when i get upset i do things that aren't good for me.
My goodness Hyonlife, I think I remember some of your earlier posts. Has your son been born, how old is he? That is very alarming some of the things you are claiming. Surely DOCS could be involved if there are threats to the baby's well being. If this is a new baby, there must be someone out there to help. What about a social worker at the hospital where bub was born. May have some advice??
Do grandparents really have a right to our children? I am in a situation with my mother-in-law now too. She has had a very long history of mental distress. i have never been good enough for her or her son in her eyes and she is a very manipulative person to the point no one in her family "likes to upset her". She was hospitalised when my husband was 15. She took great pride in telling me she thought my abilities as a parent wife business woman the other day was inadequate then preceeded to hang up on me and i have not heard from her since. It started since i told her i spoke to the police about all of our rights. he sent me a text with a photo of my belongings eg wedding photo dress etc in flames. I felt i should get the police's ideas on things. I didnt mention names to avoid it coming back on him but she flipped and made me feel like i wasnt good for anyone. i guess my questions is do i have to allow them to see her? She is the only one i have a problem with apart from my husband atm. The others dont seem to be making it hard for me. Im just worried if she's around them she will try to make the kids become distant and not want to live with me. She is very good at her manipulations as she's had many years practice.
i look forward to any help
devotedmum said
my husband atm.
Whats an 'atm' - I cannot find it in the site glossary.

The answer is that Grandparents have even less contact rights than Parents who have very few - because Family Law is all about the rights of children.
ATM equals at the moment
confusedmother said
ATM equals at the moment
The point I was making is that this is a forum its not Facebook, Twitter or a mobile phone.
So its not 'Automatic Teller Machine', abbreviations mean different things to different people, that is why there is a site Glossary for abbreviations that appear on this site.
Lol - Conan. Amazingly you are right. It's not Facebook, Twitter or a mobile phone.

My generation use those abbreviations all the time. In avenues other than what you have mentioned! They are common! And common people are using this forum.

There's no shame in not knowing, asking and then adding it to the glossary. People of all ages use these forums, it's not your job to tell them what abbreviations are and aren't appropriate.

You focus on some boring things. It's a shame you feel your time is spent well caring about something so lame!

BTW (By the way) - Lol - Laugh out loud. If they aren't in the glassory, maybe add them as I will be using those in my posts as often as I find it appropriate to do so!
lol confusedmother, i was trying to think of a way to politely say the same thing last night.

It should also be added that it is common to use abbreviations on the family forums too as I am sure many people here know of. I've know most of the abbreviations for 15years so it's not really a gen y thing only but gen y has been big on bring in things like LOL and ROFL into everyday speech and this i don't agree on. I even once heard on one of my court dates a mother who was 19 saying  "it's jus so O.M.G. that dd has to go to fwh" now in that context of family law - never ever do. and for those who don't know omg is oh my god, dd is darling daughter and fwh is f… wit husband (last not commonly used by anyone really).
anyway my point being in a forum situation there are alot of abbreviations we probably could use more here as a help to keep thing anonymous such as dd4 (darling daughter 4 years), mil (mother in law), they can be so helpful on family sites because people tend to use them more than writing a real name or tpying out my oldest daughter.
confusedmother said
Lol - Conan. Amazingly you are right. It's not Facebook, Twitter or a mobile phone.
My generation use those abbreviations all the time. In avenues other than what you have mentioned! They are common! And common people are using this forum.
Abbreviations mean different things to people of different generations.
confusedmother said
There's no shame in not knowing, asking and then adding it to the glossary.
So somebody just presses and button and they are magically added to the glossary? I think there is shame in not having the courtesy to write things properly or to have someone else such as a moderator clean up a bad post.
confusedmother said
People of all ages use these forums,
People that use these forums are invariably involved with either the Family Court or the CSA and you would not use abbreviations on written material with them, or would you?
confusedmother said
it's not your job to tell them what abbreviations are and aren't appropriate.
As a long term member of  almost 4 years rather than a 6 month blow in I think I know how these forums work better than you.
confusedmother said
You focus on some boring things. It's a shame you feel your time is spent well caring about something so lame!
Use abbreviations in the Family Court and find out how lame that is!
confusedmother said
BTW (By the way) - Lol - Laugh out loud. If they aren't in the glassory, maybe add them as I will be using those in my posts as often as I find it appropriate to do so!
 
What you are saying is "I intend to use abbreviations which some people may not understand because I am too lazy and too discourteous to do otherwise".

This site is not like the others out there, it is for serious discussion, not text messaging.
Conan

The simple fact is our opinions differ.
- You feel it is discourteous, I don't
- I wouldn't use these in a court, but this is a forum NOT court or legal correspondence!
- I have been using this forum for longer than six months, but who cares! This is an open forum are you suggesting that because you have been using this longer you have the right to dictate how people write within the forums!
- Your last point - seriously get over yourself, its your opinion to say that you feel abbreviations mean a person is lazy and discourteous. Your opinion is not the only one in the world. You find it lazy and discourteous I and others don't. That doesn't make us wrong or you right. We just have different opinions on the matter.

MOVE ON! And do what you do best respond (as directly as you do) to things related to the legal questions people ask.

BTW (lol) - If you point me to the glossary I'm more than happy to update it with some modern abbreviations rather than expect someone else to do it for me. I think that is the polite and courteous thing to do.
confusedmother said
- I wouldn't use these in a court, but this is a forum NOT court or legal correspondence!
Ah, so use bad habits here and hope you forget them on legal correspondence? Thats as bad as allowing children to swear at home but not in public.
confusedmother said
- I have been using this forum for longer than six months, but who cares! This is an open forum are you suggesting that because you have been using this longer you have the right to dictate how people write within the forums!
Perhaps you should read the forum rules again and some of the posts in the Getting Started forum.
confusedmother said
- Your last point - seriously get over yourself, its your opinion to say that you feel abbreviations mean a person is lazy and discourteous. Your opinion is not the only one in the world. You find it lazy and discourteous I and others don't. That doesn't make us wrong or you right. We just have different opinions on the matter.
How do you know its not the opinion of the moderators?

confusedmother said
BTW (lol) - If you point me to the glossary I'm more than happy to update it with some modern abbreviations rather than expect someone else to do it for me. I think that is the polite and courteous thing to do.
  Do you really think its that easy? Do you think the admin of this site will allow unknown people to just tinker with its content?
Confusedmother,

                      el disrespectus ist illuminational. Alterwiserother egaugnal, le parecen muy dispuestos a falta otros por considerar que todos deben recurrir a su metodologa. alterwiserother egaugnal, Jak se zd velmi ochotn nerespektovat jin Considering that all měly uchlit se k va metodiky. Alterwiserother egaugnal, U lijkt zeer bereid zijn te weinig respect anderen door te overwegen dat alle moet een beroep op uw methodiek.

In saying that you feel I'm willing to so easily disrespect people's opinions how about you apply the same logic to my opinion.
confusedmother said
In saying that you feel I'm willing to so easily disrespect people's opinions how about you apply the same logic to my opinion.
Absolutely, if you are so willing to disrespect other peoples opinions we can apply the same logic and disrespect yours.
ConfusedMother said
In saying that you feel I'm willing to so easily disrespect people's opinions how about you apply the same logic to my opinion.

Использование Вами подход Почему я должен cowtow для вас?
ConfusedMother said
In saying that you feel I'm willing to so easily disrespect people's opinions how about you apply the same logic to my opinion.

From the username one would assume, perhaps wrongly in which case I would love ConfusedMother to explain the alternative, that the use of the word in ConfusedMother is meant to portray a status of victim of confusion or something along those lines. I would have thought from the garbled posts from myself (I apologise for their use to any other's who have found them confusing, irritating and whatever other feelings that people have had due to their use and subsequent difficulty in understanding the posts, the difficulty was to expand upon the approach that ConfusedMother consider's acceptable to the ridiculous) that ConfusedMother would have got the message. It appears that rather than adhere to the portal's forum expectations (i.e. that the difficult is explained in layperson's terms) and example set by those who provide this resource that ConfusedMother wishes the forum to adhere to ConfusedMother's way. ConfusedMother, post's that contain acronyms, textspeak, or abbreviations, other than those contained in the glossary, that have no accompanying explanation (e.g. ….. atm (at the moment)) may be deleted, edited or handled as moderator's see fit. It could also be a warning perhaps even a ban in more severe and discussed cases.

Do as you wish ConfusedMother and those who wish to disrespect those who are unaware of what these acronym's/abbreviations mean and suffer the moderation that you have agreed to be bound to by posting on this site.

Of course ConfusedMother you (as do any who follow ConfusedMother's disrespect for what is considered acceptable language usage) have every right to apply this logic yourself, but oops you don't have the right to enforce those rights on the forums of this portal. Perhaps you could create your own and you'd be free to implement whatever you wish there on your alternative.

Also, if you wish to have anything added to the Glossary then feel free to make a request. For a fee I have no doubt that such a request could then be accommodated in due course.
Well said MikeT. Although (tongue in cheek) I would have been much more charming and diplomatic as I always am and am well known for.

Is there any chance of giving away Capital letters for the start of sentences and paragraphs for people that have run out of theirs? (or are too damn lazy and inconsiderate to use them) or perhaps computer lessons on where to locate the Shift and Enter keys?

I might open a charm school; I understand there is money to be made from those.
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