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The long haul

Hi All,

2 years ago I was like a wounded animal laying on the ground, bleeding and moaning.

My children were taken away from me and I wasn't sure if I was going to be a part of their lives. I would look at there toys or their beds and I would openly cry like a baby. My marriage and my lover had also dissapeared. Financially I could not see how I was to survive.

Many nights in the beginning were dark. I had bad thoughts. I was drinking and not eating properly. Friends and family were great trying to offer goodwill but they just didn't really understand. I started posting on a couple of websites including this one FLWG.

To me this was a lifeline. I found people that had been through similar things. I found people that had defeated similar feelings. I found people who had been through much worse than I had. I found people who knew what they were talking about. They helped to keep me focussed on what was important and pulled me up when I was loosing the plot.

I hung in there. Everyday I got up and thought it is a new day and I'll do the best with what I have. I never lost sight of trying to do whats best for my kids and that included having both parents in their lives.

My ex hit me with everything she could muster.Me ex tried to take control of my children and not let me see them.My ex argued in court I was incapable of caring for my children properly. My ex bad-mouthed me to all around including my children. My ex tried to stop and appeal orders that were made in court.

I felt like responding with the same. I felt like kidnapping my children back. I felt showing anger toward her. I felt like abusing her and telling the children she was causing these arguments.

SOMEWHERE inside me I knew that was wrong. SOMEWHERE inside I found the strength to stop these feelings. SOMEWHERE inside me I knew that that would be the worst thing I could teach my kids.

So I treated my ex with some respect but I held firm to my resolve. I never bad-mouthed my ex to the children or even to the wider public. (Though I would vent to my closest freinds). I infact encouraged the relationship between my children and my ex and spoke positively of her to them. I would not respondwhen she tried to start arguments. I did not allow myself to get caught up in point scoring over the children.

I started keeping some notes and evidence of what was going on. I became involved as much as I could in things my children were doing like pre-school and medical issue's. I tried to be a good parent to my children. Somehow with all this I tried to focuss on the issue's that were important to my children rather than what was important to my ex. Meanwhile my ex was focussed on herself and financial gain.

Well it is now 2 years and $100,000.00 later. (money i did not have) It has been the struggle of my life emotionally andfinancially, however it seems now to be over for the most part. Two days ago we had our 5thand final hearing in the Family Law Courts. Over the five court cases the different attitudes emerged, That is:- that I was focussed on the children and the issue's that effect them and my ex was focussed on her own issue's and financial gain.

It was almost at the end of the final hearing when I looked at my ex in the witness box. I seen a wounded animal sitting there bleeding and moaning.

In the end I offered a lifeline to my ex and agreed to less than what the court was going to give me. I remembered how I had felt in the beginning. I remembered it was best for the children to have both parents.

I don't know what the future will bring for me but notwithstanding death or gaol, I know I will be an equal parent to my children. My rights as a parent have been restored. Even mydignity isrestored from showing mercy to someone who brought so much pain to me. And most importantly for my children she has a chance to be an equal parent as well.

NEVER doubt what you can acheive. Never give in. Never stoop to retaliation. Never stop thinking about what is really important for your kids.

Do this and good will come to you. If possible try to avoid having to go through this process but if you do have to, take it day by day, keep chipping away, keep focussed and listen to people who have been through it.


Your future starts today
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