Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

Ex has abandoned and disowned 14 year old daughter and taken off with 4 year old girl and married her old daycare worker

Add Topic

Help needed, step by step explanation required

My ex has absconded to unknown address 700 kms away and abandoned my oldest (14 year old girl) from previous relationship, although he has been in role of father for last ten years, he sought orders for sole parental responsibility and got it due to my inconsistent appearance and failure to reply to affidavit and application.

Does amended initiating application need to be served personally as well as original and what happens if u have no address or is 700kms in outback and service cant be effected. Can sub service or service or by email be used in federal magistrates court matter. I also need to file urgent recovery order and return as he hasnt facilitated our contact/visits for over 6 months and i havent seen 4 year old in 12 weeks. Do i also need to file request to reopen matter.
SALCAR said
My ex has absconded to unknown address 700 kms away and abandoned my oldest (14 year old girl) from previous relationship, although he has been in role of father for last ten years, he sought orders for sole parental responsibility and got it due to my inconsistent appearance and failure to reply to affidavit and application.
Although you have written some information in two different posts I find some of it confusing (particularly the other post which may have been deleted?) however I will attempt a response to some of your questions in this particular post.
SALCAR said
Does amended initiating application need to be served personally as well as original
What amended application, yours for a contravention or what? Technically yes it has to be served as it is still an initiating application.
SALCAR said
….and what happens if u have no address or is 700kms in outback and service cant be effected. Can sub service or service or by email be used in federal magistrates court matter.
You have to satisfy the Court that you have made reasonable attempts to locate a service address before other forms of service may be allowed. When you have an application in the system you can apply for what is generally referred to as a Commonwealth location order which requests information from Government departments ie Centrelink that may have a current address
SALCAR said
Do i also need to file request to reopen matter.
If Final orders were issued by a Court the matter is closed unless there were orders allowing it to be reopened at short notice.
Okay, so i need to file contravention, location, return and possible relocation orders and at same time seek increase to time incl overnight stays. Trying to work out practical arrangement for 4 yr old, so she doesnt have to travel 7 hours each way in car. I would be happy to drive her to and from his house as any time i am spending with her will be more than what i have now and have had for the last 12 weeks which is none. Also have query regarding ICL who failed to notify court of conversation we had 4 month prior to his appointment for about an hour wherein i disclosed the whole case pretty much. I had totally forotten until i seen it in my diary as i was going back over everything. He also gave advice to my ex defacto after he had been discharged and he lied to me, stating that the magistrate would make final orders in the ex's favour if i didnt sign consent orders. I dont believe that the orders should be valid given that it was his false and misleading conduct that resulted in me signing and agreeing to something that i didnt consent to and also i had no legal advice at the time. Can he be referred for disciplinary action because of this, as a result i lost my overnights with my 4 year old.
SALCAR said
Okay, so i need to file contravention, location, return and possible relocation orders and at same time seek increase to time incl overnight stays.
That is a great swag of applications I hope you have some idea of what you are trying to accomplish. Your chance of getting new orders would depend on when the original orders were made and the circumstances and type of orders. Do you have orders made by a Court or Consent orders?
SALCAR said
 Trying to work out practical arrangement for 4 yr old, so she doesnt have to travel 7 hours each way in car. I would be happy to drive her to and from his house as any time i am spending with her will be more than what i have now and have had for the last 12 weeks which is none.
I wish I could offer some suggestions. That is an awful long time for an adult to spend driving let alone a four year old passenger


SALCAR said
Also have query regarding ICL who failed to notify court of conversation we had 4 month prior to his appointment for about an hour wherein i disclosed the whole case pretty much. I had totally forotten until i seen it in my diary as i was going back over everything. He also gave advice to my ex defacto after he had been discharged and he lied to me, stating that the magistrate would make final orders in the ex's favour if i didnt sign consent orders. I dont believe that the orders should be valid given that it was his false and misleading conduct that resulted in me signing and agreeing to something that i didnt consent to and also i had no legal advice at the time. Can he be referred for disciplinary action because of this, as a result i lost my overnights with my 4 year old.
A common fault on this and other sites is for people to waste their energies on trying to prove malfeasance of an ICL or someone else. Waste of time and Energy! You word against his and you have even written that you forgot about the conversation.

Why is a 4 year old girl living with her Father and not spending overnights with you? highly unusual orders. I suspect there are a lot more details about your case you are withholding.
Final orders were made oct 2012 ordering me to reply which i didnt, as i was suffering pnd & pts,and was unwell. also led to breakdown of relationship but wasnt sole reason, actual psychotic breakdown didnt occur until after the judge made orders that he have sole parental responsibilty and the icl took my nights away. i spent 9 weeks in mental health ward and have been receiving treatment since april. I went to get help for PND and he changed the locks moved his parents in to take over the house and basically involuntarily terminated my parental responsibility and primary care, i had been homemaker and raising newborn pretty much on my own for first 18  months as he worked 100 hours per week. I was very sleep deprived when i made decision to leave the house with the expectation of return after a few days.
he had accused me of being an alcoholic and of being angry all the time and not attending school events etc/. he originally and still does have SPR of both children, 14 & 4, one from prior relationship and one of relationship. i have had eldest in my full time care since april as he has disowned her now due to getting what he wanted with 4 year old and as he has also taken off the bush and she is not welcome their either or in new relationship. I need to have orders reflecting current situation and also need to stop him from withholding child and alienating mother and siblings. Turns out he wa having an extra marital affair (that i cant prove) with the infants daycare worker, who he has now married,  I was totally in shock and didnt see it coming after nearly ten year together.
SALCAR said
Final orders were made oct 2012 ordering me to reply which i didnt, as i was suffering pnd & pts,and was unwell. also led to breakdown of relationship but wasnt sole reason, actual psychotic breakdown didnt occur until after the judge made orders that he have sole parental responsibilty and the icl took my nights away. i spent 9 weeks in mental health ward and have been receiving treatment since april.
I suppose you realize you are in for an uphill struggle with that sort of history and the current state of affairs. If you were sick, letters from medical professionals could have delayed any hearings. I dont understand how the ICL can take the nights away.
SALCAR said
Turns out he wa having an extra marital affair (that i cant prove) with the infants daycare worker, who he has now married,  I was totally in shock and didnt see it coming after nearly ten year together.
You have to move past this. Family Courts are not courts of morals.
I dont think that a biological mother should have this much difficulty when trying to have regular and meaningful contact and visits if not full time care as i previously had; I was only diagnosed Dec last year, so last year i didnt cope at all, my eldest was being withheld and i was only seeing my youngest 1 day and night per week, trying to seek advice, find accommodation, start again with nothing after 35 years, find a car (as prev was owned by business he managed) aside from him absconding to the bush, relinquishing all rights and responsibilities of oldest child after seeking SPR of her. Failing to facilitate contact and alienating mother & siblings. I wouldve thought the FM would be not happy that his orders were not adhered to especially seeing as they were made in applicants favour.
SALCAR said
I dont think that a biological mother should have this much difficulty when trying to have regular and meaningful contact and visits if not full time care as i previously had….
No parent on this site is going to disagree with this. However for a Court to go the route of sole responsibility for a child younger than 4 years in favor of the Father means they have had compelling evidence to make such orders. Removal of joint responsibility is not a light decision and neither is bare minimum and no overnight contact.

Even in cases when one parent (particularly the Mother) is suffering from stress related issues the Courts will generally make conditional orders allowing the resumption of primary care after a period of time, but for various reasons - possibly the compelling evidence? the Court did not do so in your case
SALCAR said
I was only diagnosed Dec last year, so last year i didnt cope at all, my eldest was being withheld and i was only seeing my youngest 1 day and night per week, trying to seek advice, find accommodation, start again with nothing after 35 years, find a car (as prev was owned by business he managed) aside from him absconding to the bush, relinquishing all rights and responsibilities of oldest child after seeking SPR of her. Failing to facilitate contact and alienating mother & siblings. I wouldve thought the FM would be not happy that his orders were not adhered to especially seeing as they were made in applicants favour.
No an FM would not be happy. If you want to change the current orders you need to move on and address the real issues that caused the current orders rather than focus on the ICL, the Father, his new partner, CSA and the Court. At the moment it appears everyone is responsible except yourself.
I'm taking a new approach, ive done a lot more reading and research, ive read a number of casestudies, new and old, and feel like im ready to try again. I hold myself accountable for my own actions, I wont be held responsible for my ex or the courts decisions and outcomes. Ive prepared a new application, contraventions, and can i include recovery and location in my orders sought in contravention or do they need to be separate.. And biological father now is considering getting involved as he cant understand how by not replying or attending hearing, I lost all responsibility of the children when i have been their primary carer even when i was working, since both born, he is in overseas and has asked what he lists himself as, seeing as stepfather has been listed as applicant father, and bio father wasnt listed as separate respondent to me.
I am a little confused by your questions, so I have some of my own:

1. what exactly do the court orders say about you having contact?;

2. what is it that you want to do?; and

3. as Mr Conan has previously stated, the court had compelling reasons for the orders that they made, unless you have addressed those reasons (with evidence) you will fail.


Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on the site (Look for the Avatars).   Be mindful what you post in the public areas. 
The mother shall spend time & communicate with at all reasonable times ny agreement and arrangement with the father conditional upon: not consuming alcohol or illegal drugs within 24 hours prior.or for period of time spent with children. 3) the mother to spend time with the child on 3 Saturdays out of 4 subject to suitable supervision with such time to extend from 9-3pm. 4) communicate by phone each alternate night between 6&6-30. 6) the father shall ensure older child attends school, (she went for first 3 weeks of start of year, Didnt attend till back in my care in September. He sought and got SPR for both children and then when he got it. He abandoned oldest child. Who he has fathered for ten years. She isnat welcome to new unknown address 700 kms away.
I want my children to be able to spend quality time together and be living together. They are a package. I love then both and am not all these things ive been made out to be. I want my 4 year old returned to my care full time. He obviously cant totally reverse his position and not even let the court or me know the new address and unilaterally decide that he knows better than the FM.
I was suffering PND & PTS. I have an ongoing treating team and they are.prepared to state that ive been stable for last 6 months. I am voluntarily seeking help. Counselling, medication, psychologists weekly, etc.
I Didnt reply as the court ordered to the application and affidavit as i was very unwell at the time. I have everything completed and am now well enough to represent myself if necessary and am gaining confidence with the more that i read, especially on this site.
SALCAR said
I want my 4 year old returned to my care full time.
You should be very careful expressing that remark written or verbally in a Courtroom.
SALCAR said
I was suffering PND & PTS. I have an ongoing treating team and they are.prepared to state that ive been stable for last 6 months. I am voluntarily seeking help. Counselling, medication, psychologists weekly, etc.
As long as you understand you are in for a long haul, a Court is not going to overturn orders 180 degrees without its own reports and against any existing case law.
Originally I was more than happy with sharing care of 'our' daughters, however after he alienated the eldest, and has absconded over 700 kms away with the 4 yr old, I dont really see that I have any choice. When he had no parental responsibility and while a step-parent he changed her schools without even consulting me or telling me until after he had done it, because he was holding all the cards financially (e'thing ive had has gone into relationship) I couldnt do a thing as he had removed her from a private school that we had both been paying for for the last 5 yrs.
I understand its a long haul, and am happy to comply with requests for reports, etc. Also still would be more than happy to have shared care until schoolage providing he complies with orders. Surely he has shown court his inability to comply, inability to provide discipline or routine environment as he portrayed to the court and also the entire action was unnecessary. I am not and never have been violent, or a risk to anyone, (except possibly myself at my worst time, prior to treatment)  I am not what I have been falsely accused of. His own affidavits contradict themselves,
SALCAR, I think you just start with an initiating application and take it from there.  You do need to serve the docs though, so find out where he is as a first and immediate step.
Good luck.
I now have address and legal aid funding for location and recovery orders, and interim and findal parenting and with whom child lives. He also has listed his parents business as service for documents address, so surely as he is 700 kms away in remote area, sub service may be considered.
It is excellent that you have received Legal Aid funding.  Good luck.  :-)
Sorry for the delayed reply, but these things take time.. all of it that you miss with your babies….Ok… how much harder can this get:- despite my court orders I have only seen my baby girl (who is now 5) a total of 4 times since Dec 2013, a total of 16 hours IN TWO YEARS. And they have no valid reason for not allowing contact.

Her older sister has also only been allowed to see her for the same amount of time. They have continued to deny us contact and withhold her, while depriving her of the opportunity to spend time and have contact with her mother and sister who she was closely attached to.  They will not facilitate or encourage any contact or visits and have treated the Federal Magistrates Court Order like an absolute joke since the day it were written by FM Jarrett.

I have spent the last 18 months trying to locate them, with them moving at least 5 times in the last 3 years since the separation. They have been invited and have advised they will be attending a mediation for dispute resolution set down for this week.

Does any one have any suggestions on what would be considered a "fair" arrangement seeing as the youngest is only 5 and travelling time each way has now been increased to 8 hours each direction.

All I want is to be my babies primary carer again like I was and had been for the 12 years prior to the split. It is tearing me and my daughter apart not being able to at least be a major part of her life and watch her grow into a beautiful young lady.

There is no way my ex should be able to abandon and neglect the youngest when she starts to be a handful for him just like the oldest become too hard and then he threw her out and I'm now left trying to deal with the depression, anxiety etc. and other hurt left as a direct result of being abandoned by the only father she knew.

Moderator Note!

There is no excuse for not pressing the ENTER key to create paragraphs nor is there an excuse for not correcting spelling errors that are highlighted, especially so if you can manage to work out how to change the colour of text.
To not take the effort to consider the audience is a disrespect for that audience.
Should you refrain from considering respect for the audience in the future then I and other moderators are quite likely to simply move your post to trash rather than fix your post up on your behalf.

Last edit: by Dev_MikeT

Salcar, you're making some unhelpful statements.

You do not know what your ex will do in the future, and it is not reasonable to assume that he will abandon the five year old.

I share Conan's concerns that there is something else going on here. You indicated that you were filing several documents with the Court - what was the outcome of that work? Or are you still operating under the original Orders and contravention without having done anything to remedy the situation? The 16 hours visitation that you have had, did they bring the child to you, or have you been actively trying to achieve visitation where the child now lives and they are refusing? I see the initial orders required that visitation to be supervised - perhaps this has been a barrier to visitation?
Salcar, if you have only seen your youngest for a total of 16 hours in the last two years, what are you expecting to happen?

If the father was given sole parental responsibility then there must have been a compelling reason for the decision. From what I have read, sole parental responsibility is more or less a last resort option for Judge to make, given that consideration has to be given to equal shared responsibility. There will need to be a significant change to have such orders changed.

As for the dispute resolution meeting, remember it is dispute resolution. Both parties are there to discuss the situation, and hopefully come to agreement. Please don't expect to go into the meeting and have the care arrangements changed at the drop of a hat. Let us know how it goes.
Salcar for some reason December 2013 to January 2015 is “TWO YEARS” in your calendar – its 14 months in mine. You also write about spending 18 months searching. Let us put this in some perspective, you want primary care which means you will be spending 80 plus daylight hours per week with your daughter.

Now since you have this time available it would not be unreasonable for you to have spent 20 hours a week learning how to self represent. That’s equal to 1,560 hours or about 40 work weeks which is greater than someone taking a law degree will actually focus on Family Law studies. During those 1,560 hours you could have spent many days in Court observing proceedings and gaining insight into procedures and cross examination. You could have completed a Toastmaster/Toastmistress course on presentation. You could have found and digested an enormous amount of case law for your case and learnt the Family Law Act backwards.

It appears you want to moan and groan about your problem rather than try to solve it yourself.
1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets