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Ex partner using married name to an other person child

Hi, thanks for the opportunity to ask this perplexing question;

I have been separated and divorced from my ex for over two years now and we have a daughter together.

At the moment we have shared care as our daughter has reached prep age.

We had a very complex and emotional separation due to ill health and child being taken by mother.

The fact I have shared care etc. was through great physical and mental stress to heal my body after major illness and overcome her decisions to leave with our daughter.

My ex retained my surname after divorce mainly due to less confusion for our daughter which I understand though I'm sure she would adjust as long as she knows the connection to her dad.

Now my ex is pregnant with a 'fatherless' baby, my understanding is she plans to give the baby my surname. I'm really uncomfortable with this as for me, my surname is a gift bestowed by my ancestors, our family embodies the deeds, history and DNA that goes with that name as it would be with her original surname.

No negativity to the unborn mite but to say it would reduce confusion for the child because it shares the name with its sibling and mother, is pure supposition.

The child really can't trace anything, healthwise, historywise, or in anyway have connection to the name; for me, I see it as selfish on the naming parent's part and not a more often discussed issue around naming children. I'm really uncomfortable as I feel no connection with this woman and a name is really a personal thing.

Last edit: by Dev_MikeT

In essence what you are saying is:
Separated and divorced 2 years ago
Daughter in a shared care arrangement
Your ex is still referring to herself by her married name (to stop confusion for your daughter)
Your ex is now pregnant

Okay, my responses:
Your ex wife can use whatever name she wishes to. If she wants to go back to her maiden name, that is her choice. If she wants to continue to use her married name, that is her choice. Just because she is divorced does not make it illegal for her to continue to use her married name. If she chooses to be known by another surname, that is her choice. Take it from me, it takes a long time to change documents from a maiden name to a married name, and then back to a maiden name. It would be great if there was a one stop shop for this sort of thing, but I digress.

It is interesting that you know that this is a 'fatherless' child. I won't ask how you know, but just be aware, that it really is not any of your business whether this child is fatherless or not. All you need to do, is, support your daughter with regard to the change of circumstances, and only if, and that is a big if, your daughter raises any concerns or issues with you. Your daughter is the responsibility of you and the mother (your ex). The unborn baby is the responsibility of the mother (YOUR EX) and the father of said 'fatherless' baby. Getting off soap box now, well at least for a moment.

As far as naming the child using YOUR surname, well that is the mother's business. You might like to check with Births deaths and marriages in your state with regards to names, if you are really concerned, but YOU don't have control over what she chooses to do with a child that is not yours.

Have you copyrighted your surname. If you have, then by all means, take legal action. But if you haven't, well take a deep breath, because there is not a lot you can do about. Maybe you should talk to a lawyer.

The only thing I would be concerned about, if I were you, would be the mother (your ex) putting your name down as the father.

Good luck
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