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My story and how I got here!

My son is the weapon of choice for my ex!

 Hi there guys,

My name is Johann I have a beautiful son Johnathan who will be 2 on the 8th of March!

Johnathan is everything to me!

Johnathan's mother and I separated approximately 8 months ago due to my ambition to create a career working for the future rather than a larger family.

The separation was simple quick clean and easy; we did not need to utilize family court as we both agreed on the amount of child support and visitation! We both agreed that I would pay $100 per week in Child support and I would have Johnathan twice a week and every second weekend and 2 weeks of holiday each year. This suited us all well and we started to get Johnathan settled into the schedule.

Sadly two weeks ago I declined a offer for sex from my ex and everything changed. She is no longer the proud parent she once was; in her place is a evil tyrant easily compared to Hitler!

She has constantly bombarded me with text messages stating that I will never see my son again. Most of these message I totally ignored and didn't even reply to.

I picked my son up as usual Friday night at 6:00pm to take him to a work colleges daughter's 1st birthday. By 7:00 pm her and I were disagreeing on the telephone because she demanded that I return my son right then and there, which I politely refused.

Within half an hour she had two male friends turn up at the party to try and muscle me out; which did not happen. They left around 9:00pm without my son or giving me the beating they were there for. My father convinced me later that night that I should give her Johnathan as a peace offering and to avoid more possibility of violence. So I returned my son to her at 1:00 pm Saturday afternoon.

I went to her house today with the idea of asking her if it was possible to take Johnathan to jiggly wiggs (a child play centre here in Mackay) and discovered she has now left the town in which we live and will not tell me where they have gone or when I will be able to see my son again!

So here I am lost, hurt, scared and alone. Where do I go from here? What can I do? Who do I need to talk to?

Please guys any help would be appreciated!

Johann

[NB. Photo removed by a moderator.]

Last edit: by Vernichtung

Hi Johann,

First of all let me tell you you are not alone in this… far from it.

There are Dads and Mothers out there who have gone through similar situations.

We are all real people and not just cyber friends.

I would like to make contact with you on the phone… let me see if I can send you an email.
I'm sorry to hear what has happened to you Johann, however you will need to act fast although I'm not experienced enough to tell you what you should do. My guess is that you'll have to go to the courts to get your son returned. I think this would count as an urgent case allowing you to get to the top of the queue. You should keep all the text messages, contents, dates and times, you may have to resort to utilising them.
It wouldn't surprise me if the sex would have been to lay charges of rape against you in order to undermine your character.

I'd suggest that you may have now seen the execution of a plan that has been in it's making for some time.

So please take BB's advice and contact BB ASAP it may be the most important thing you do in you and your child's life.
As all who read your post I am sorry you found the need for the forum.

It's good to keep family and support close they can be your savior.

AS has been mentioned the sooner you act the better, I hope you have kept a diary of contact and events it really does come in handy and if not start one as soon as possible, you can include the events of the party and name anyone who was witness to the events.

I'll bow out a little here and let you talk to BB, hope to hear from you soon on the forum letting us know how you are going after your chat.

Best of luck Vernitchung
You need to file a "Recovery Order" straight away. You can get legal aid for this, or a solicitor if you have the money. If you are up to it, you can file one yourself. Just fill it out, get it witnessed and take it to the registrar at the local court house. You need to go through the Federal Magistrates Court.

My partner was talked out of this by legal aid - don't you be. You can do this. If you don't, you may be judged later for not being sincere about wanting to remain in contact with your child.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 

Fur vernichtung!

Vernichtung - Kontact BB, BB auch sprechen Deutsch!

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on the site (Look for the Avatars).   Be mindful what you post in the public areas. 
Sadly an all to common situation when a separation has just occurred… Mum in this instant thinks she is hurting you by taking the child and disappearing from the family home. She must of course have resources elsewhere to be able to do that overnight. Of course this is a terrible time for you and many of us have been exactly in this place that you are in. The offer on the table is for you to speak to one of the SRL-Resource seniors who will guide you through an immediate lodgment of recovery orders. I note you are in QLD and we have a number of local contacts there. We are in a much better position these days with firming up of a number of new sections of the family law act that ensures relocation is a very difficult thing to achieve. The good news for you is that regardless of what is happening there are plenty of resources, guidance, support and assistance on this site and on other sites through our colleagues in DiDS who can assist you through meeting support. 

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
 Was my post helpful? If so, please let others know about the FamilyLawWebGuide whenever you see the opportunity
 
Johan - You are not alone and people can and will help you with advice. You are going to be challenged to maintain your health and sanity in the midst of fear and uncertainty. You will do it (we all have).

You will be come more adept at using the resources available on web sites and be able to research the legal methods and people you can use to help you.

You may well be in a position to see that you may need to become a full-time or shared care parent eventually and you could position yourself  - your house, work and life - to support that.

Some women believe they have power and control over children and relationships - its a story they have been lead to believe by their friends, the cases in court, some lawyers and the media generally. As long as you don't accept that position then you become an equal parent. Its up to you to control your own life and the future for your child.

Good luck on the journey.

 Maybe I am not explaining myself well enough
Good Afternoon Guys,

I apologize for taking so long to respond, I spent the night searching the web and emailing my story to anyone I thought may be able to help.

I applicate the very quick responses guys very much so! Today I decided to take the remainder of the week off work to get control of this situation and my head around it. I rang legal Aid and spoke to a wonderful lady there who informed me that I would need to ring first thing tomorrow morning so that they could advise me on Wednesday. (Was unaware of such a lengthy delay I guess I should have replied to BB earlier and would have learned that :) I also attempted to make contact with my Ex partner using my work mobile as she didn't have the number and as soon as she realized it was me she hung up :( was far from a good feeling! So here I am guys Ready winning and able to fight this!

Please help me where do I start?

Much appricated guys

Johann!

Adding Link

While the legal aid thing gets in train, keep the ball rolling. Document everything that has happened so far, that is relevant.

Start filling out any paper work now, so that you have that to take with you to legal aid. Focus on completing a recovery order.

Legal aid may so no, as one of their assumptions is that you must have a chance of winning before they will fund. Typically, men don't win recovery orders, but don't let this stop you.

At the very least, see the information for getting started in the SRL section of this website. There are power point presentations and templates that you will find invaluable.

http://www.familylawcourts.gov.au/wps/wcm/connect/FLC/Home/Missing+Children/

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
OK, thanks.

The the lady at Legal Aid today said I could lodge both a "Recovery Order" and a "Location Order", but suggested I try the Location Order!

Sadly I forgot to ask why?
http://www.austlii.edu.au/au//legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s67j.html

See above for the meaning of a location order. Basically, this is the court asking her to advise where the child is. If she refuses to do so, this is not her saying no to you, but her showing contempt of court - a very serious matter.

You appear to have a German background; is your partner a local? What I'm getting at is, would she flee overseas? If so, you may wish to consider sorting out a PACE alert with the federal police.

Two suggestions:

1. Take someone (friend or family member) with you, who will have the presence of mind to take notes and ask questions.

2. If you come across a term you don't understand, read the glossary (on this site) first, the SRL section next and even just have a Google.

The websites that should become well known to you are the Family Law Courts site, the Federal Magistrates Court and the Family Court of Australia.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Perhaps her thinking may be that a location order will speed up the recovery order, find her location then serve all necessary paperwork, perhaps for mediation and such. This I only presume as I have enough trouble knowing what goes through my mind let alone anyone else's.

One thing to take into consideration Vernichtung in many sources of help may well have a more patient agenda than what you have and those on the forum have experiences that may help head you in a faster direction. Let us know how you go after accepting BB's offer and having a chat.
You will be in an emotional state at this moment. It's hard to remember to do all the things you really need to. Gather your support network around you. This includes us, but should not be limited to us.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Artemis said
http://www.austlii.edu.au/au//legis/cth/consol_act/fla1975114/s67j.html

See above for the meaning of a location order. Basically, this is the court asking her to advise where the child is. If she refuses to do so, this is not her saying no to you, but her showing contempt of court - a very serious matter.

You appear to have a German background; is your partner a local? What I'm getting at is, would she flee overseas? If so, you may wish to consider sorting out a PACE alert with the federal police.

Two suggestions:

1. Take someone (friend or family member) with you, who will have the presence of mind to take notes and ask questions.

2. If you come across a term you don't understand, read the glossary (on this site) first, the SRL section next and even just have a Google.

The websites that should become well known to you are the Family Law Courts site, the Federal Magistrates Court and the Family Court of Australia.
OK. So the location order is to ask her to inform me of my child's whereabouts. But she has run, so how will they find her?

I was born in Australia and she is local also. She is without a passport so I highly doubt that she has the ability to leave this country!

Cheers for the glossary tip it will come in handy trust me. ;)

I have been doing as much research as possible in the short amount of time and will continue to do so until this fight is over!
They can Access government departments such as Social Security and request they divulge any information on the where abouts of this person.

Vernichtung said
OK. So the location order is to ask her to inform me of my child's whereabouts. But she has run, so how will they find her?
They will use the Federal and local Police to locate. It is not a hard job in most cases..
Vernichtung said
I was born in Australia and she is local also. She is without a passport so I highly doubt that she has the ability to leave this country!
That is what we thought in the Russel Wood matter which is well documented in our executive private areas. Make no mistake. A passport can be relatively easily obtained if she has a party to assist. Trust no one except the executive SRL-R Executive members as there can be much "nasty business" in these matters. Your ex has seemingly lost the plot with some bizzare behaviours. Perhaps a court order and a police office phoning her mught bring her to her senses before to much other destructive behaviour occurs.
Vernichtung said
Cheers for the glossary tip it will come in handy trust me. ;) I have been doing as much research as possible in the short amount of time and will continue to do so until this fight is over!
Unfortunately the word fight conjurs up the wrong imagery and will get you no where in the system. It is not a fight but a set of precise steps that need to be followed that will allow your children to have the appropriate contact. You should join the SRL group which you can do on the site in the srl community area (as posts relating to case matters) need to be kept private and secondly you need to contact site member BB who has been allocated to assist you. I would suggest he / she has already emailed you through the site systems.


Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
 Was my post helpful? If so, please let others know about the FamilyLawWebGuide whenever you see the opportunity
 
 Although I would very much enjoy to have a conversation with BB I have no means to, Once my partner and I separated I needed to remove luxury's like my telephone to survive, I am currently using my next door neighbours wireless internet (with his consent of course) to enable me contact with the information on the internet. As bad as it sounds I am living fine I just needed to make sacrifices none of which made a huge impact on my life!

Secretary_SPCA I understand where you are coming from in regards to the word "fight" but in all honesty what else could you call this? I feel as if I am being forced into a corner. The word fight does sound terrible but in all honesty I consider this a fight, A fight for my rights and a fight for the safety and well-being of my son! I am sorry if it comes across offensive I was not trying to achieve this.

Forgive me if I sound rude. :( I had a few work mates who were worried about me come over and they made me feel a bit angry after a few beers and tears. :( I know they're just trying to make me feel better but it still hurts. :(

Johann


*Edit BB I will call you some time this morning if that is ok?

Last edit: by Vernichtung

Let us get some direct discussion going with you. In your first post you referred to receiving text messages so presumably you have a mobile?

If you have a basic microphone and headset (or speakers) download 'Skype' -if your neighbour is on wireless it is probably fast enough to run VOIP.

Please email the mobile and Skype details to:

mackay@srl-resources.com 

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (look for the Avatars) Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Vernichtung we all feel the anger and frustration when starting, emotionally we need one type of support and legally another, they are both separate entities but to begin with they are all muddled together.

Fighting is what your heart is telling you to do, it's filled with emotional turmoil and feels the injustice of what the mother of your child has done.

Getting your head around what you need to do as far as the system goes is a totally different kettle of fish and if you fight the system you get no where you rather need to use it to further your course legally.

In this situation it's not how hard the dog bites it's how well trained he is.

Look to the community section for other types of support that may help but listen closely to the advice you have received here Secretary_SPCA has given excellent advice re-read the post.

With skype you can instant message type as well so if you do not have a mic or on board speaker you can still communicate instantly.

Alcohol is not your friend and nor is old Aussie adage " A few more drinks and she'll be right " it's a depressant and although you may get a buzz it will be a bigger downer.

Take care.
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