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maemac's criticisms

maemac said
Finding It Hard's comments and situation are very common and resonate with many women.  Some comments made by some of the administrators of this site, although intended to be helpful, are based on an idealism that isn't happening out there in the real world.  The best interests of our children are not being considered.  I also feel that women are being portrayed as vindictive liars who manipulate innocent men out of spite.  I am sure that does happen, but for the overwhelming majority of women that is not the case.  There is a genuine fear and concern for the welfare of their children.  An AVO being sort is for the majority of us based on genuine fear resulting from abusive behaviour (emotional, verbal and/or physical) from the other party.  Many women I have spoken with do not seek AVO's depsite these fears, because they do not want to antagonise the father of the child/ren. With respect to communication and hostility, it is true that sometimes one party is just nasty, and no matter how hard the other party tries to communicate successfully (brief, respectful, to the point, no emotion) they are in a no win situation.  Intimidation, harrassment, bullying and threats are frequent and often the abusive behaviour was the catalyst for the relationship breakdown, so it is unrealistic to then expect the abusive party to become a sane, rational human being in communicating after separation.

This site is very helpful and I thank you for your efforts.  I do note however that some responses appear to be based on assumptions that suggest the moderators have predetermined views of women and their motives when it comes to family law matters.  I hope that is not the case as that kind of stereotyping is counterproductive to resolving family law issues.
maemac said
Finding It Hard's comments and situation are very common and resonate with many women.
a) Obviously if this is the actual case then you can provide the evidence to prove that your statement is the truth and not just something that you have conjured up.

b) You later make accusations of how women are purportedly discriminated against yet you choose to discriminate against men by not considering them in your statement. So the questions is, why aren't you the hypocrite you have shown yourself to be?

maemac said
Some comments made by some of the administrators of this site, although intended to be helpful, are based on an idealism that isn't happening out there in the real world.
Again you make a accusatory statement that is not supported by any facts. I believe that you are incorrect and I also believe that you cannot support your accusations with the quotations and sound reasoning that proves what you state.

maemac said
The best interests of our children are not being considered.
Without any discerning factor, such as sometimes, often etc. This sentence is saying that the best interest of all of our, again you haven't clarified our, so it must therefore default to every "our" and thus basically all children. However, I would assume, considering the Family Law aspect of this portal/forum/website, that the best interest is confined to Family Law decisions rather than the Government(s) building and running schools, which would be in the best interest of children and thus defeat your argument. As such, I believe you are yet again incorrect. I have little doubt that there are many decisions that are made that are in the best interest of children.  If you take what you say as being correct then all decisions must be wrong and thus in your situation, the child should primarily be in the other parent's care.

maemac said
I also feel that women are being portrayed as vindictive liars who manipulate innocent men out of spite.  I am sure that does happen, but for the overwhelming majority of women that is not the case.  There is a genuine fear and concern for the welfare of their children.  An AVO being sort is for the majority of us based on genuine fear resulting from abusive behaviour (emotional, verbal and/or physical) from the other party.  Many women I have spoken with do not seek AVO's depsite these fears, because they do not want to antagonise the father of the child/ren.
I am absolutely sure that you cannot prove that for the overwhelming majority of women it is not the case or that the majority of you seek AVO's based upon a genuine fear resulting from abusive behaviour. So what you talk to women, considering your very clear discrimination, as previously noted, in the favour of women, you are very likely going to hear through those "rose tinted" ears. As such what you say has very little standing other than a rant from a gender biased person. You can most certainly prove a reasoning thought process and substantiate the first belief by quoting the posts that, by sound reasoning, show that women, rather than just a woman or a small group of women, are so portrayed. However I strongly suspect that you will be unable to substantiate your belief as I believe that your belief is founded not by sound reasoning of fact but by your gender biased distortions of facts and information to suit yourself and your views and that as such you are guilty of what you later say the moderators are guilty of if the gender is all that is changed.
 
maemac said
This site is very helpful and I thank you for your efforts.  I do note however that some responses appear to be based on assumptions that suggest the moderators have predetermined views of women and their motives when it comes to family law matters.  I hope that is not the case as that kind of stereotyping is counterproductive to resolving family law issues.
I'd suggest that the fact is that your clear gender bias distorts your view and that you cannot provide any reasonable substantiation that us moderators do have such a pre-determined view of women when it comes to family law matters. In fact you substantiate this lack of foundation by saying you hope that it is not the case.
It appears that Larissap, via a posting that was contrary to the rules that Larissap in that it was off-topic and has been deleted for the respect of posters, lacks the ability to see gender bias in Meamac's post(s), including the post quoted above in the first posting in this topic. So here we go for another who appears to consider the exclusion of males as not being gender-biased.

meamac said
Finding It Hard's comments and situation are very common and resonate with many women.
  There is exclusion of any consideration of males being in such a situation. That exclusion is gender-baised, it is also gender-biased to imply, via the exclusion of a mention of males, that only women are victims of such a situation.

meamac said
I also feel that women are being portrayed as vindictive liars who manipulate innocent men out of spite.
Again there is exclusion of males who are subject to the same and like the above post is gender-biased.

meamac said
I am sure that does happen, but for the overwhelming majority of women that is not the case.
Again the exclusion of consideration for males and therefore gender-biased.

meamac said
Many women I have spoken with do not seek AVO's depsite these fears, because they do not want to antagonise the father of the child/ren.
It's getting pretty boring now as yet again there is the exclusion of consideration for males and is yet again gender-biased.

Larissap, first as requested, QED (obviously unless you can explain how consideration of just one gender is in fact not consideration of just one gender, in which case I will apologise for considering that consideration of one gender is in fact consideration of both genders). Obviously if the topic were where only one gender could be given consideration, not that there are many; one could jump to the conclusion that breast cancer could fit. However, both women and men suffer that disease. Second, I find it very hard to believe, considering how long you have been a member that you could not find this topic that is only 5 days old. You could have found any post, that you could have previously seen, made by myself, clicked on the word MikeT above my avatar (that in my case is the picture of someone on a horse jumping a fence) it would then take you to a page that let's you select posts (I normally use the one entitled "Search Posts", as this automatically completes the Author/Submitter field).  Third, I recall that you yourself are one who has shown an ability to be gender-biased and also one who makes absurd and blatantly incorrect accusations e.g.:

Saying "you  only read what we want to read", you appears to refer to readers in general, when you have absolutely no clue about what we want or what we read.

Saying "I have read enough posts to know that some of you are on a soap box about men's rights and think that women are the only ones that are controlling and difficult and preventing fathers from seeing their children.". Yet you now show that you are quite restricted in your ability to use this portal to find a post that is less than a week old, which indicates that you have likely read very little and thus are trying to do exactly what meamac has done and try to portray yourself, especially considering the controlling demand indicated in the deleted post of your expectation that I provide this that and whatever for yours almighty, as being an authority on what is posted on this portal.

Saying "I find it totally frustrating that so many people here tar everyone with the same brush.", yet I don't believe that many people do tar people with the same brush. However, obviously I expect you, as you consider it appropriate to expect of others, to provide facts on actually what the many is comprised off and evidence in the form of links to the posts where these many people have tarred everyone with the same brush. Of course you needn't supply the posts that, like above, that show you are one who "frustrates" yourself, that has been shown in this post.
LOL - thanks for whoever is deleting this, could it be Mike T himself!



Mike, I know this is going to be deleted, you have a major problem.  Has anyone given you a psychiatric diagnosis!



unbelievable

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Larissap said
LOL - thanks for whoever is deleting this, could it be Mike T himself!
Larissap, perhaps you should heed some of your own advice. "Has been deleted", grammatically places the action (deletion) in the past. As previously explained a post of yours was deleted, because it was blatantly off-topic, however the flavour of the deleted post has been kept. That is that you harped on about meamac's post not containing gender-bias and this has been responded to in my previous post; the response clearly showing meamac's gender-bias of only considering the welfare/well-being of males.

What you have posted in this suitably located topic is not going to be deleted by myself, even though it does very likely breach rules with regard to respecting for others. However, below you have been provided a chance to provide the proof that you are not showing disrespect for others.

Larissap said
you have a major problem.
Perhaps I do, perhaps I don't, however I know it's not negotiating this portal nor my understanding of CS legislation. As such I would like you to explain exactly what "major problem" I have and the qualifications and evidence you have to make such a judgement upon another based on what can likely only be the postings that I have made on this portal. Of course you may well be stalking me and thus have evidence from such sources but I would expect such evidence to also be supported by the evidence that identifies it as being myself.

Larissap said
Has anyone given you a psychiatric diagnosis!
To be grammatically correct you follow a question with a question mark, a interrobang (‽) or a question mark and an exclamation mark. If I do what business do you have asking? How does such a question or the answer remain pertinent to the topic of Meamac's criticisms? Of course the likelihood is that you are instead trying to imply that I am not of a sound mind. In which case I ask what qualifications and evidence do you have to make such a conclusion?
Mike

Thanks for giving me the biggest belly laugh for a few days.  Have a good day.

L

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Larrissap said
Thanks for giving me the biggest belly laugh for a few days.  Have a good day.
Exactly what do you find funny?
Mike

You are trying to engage me and it worked!  I have learnt from dealing with a highly conflictual ex, a number of different things and one is not to engage. But as I am not threatened, scared or anxious about what you will say next I will go against my usual behaviour and write back!

When I wrote to you I knew that anything I said was going to be dissected with a fine tooth comb and that you would argue about the meaning of the words I used, semantics, what I have and haven't proved.  All the time never actually addressing the main point of the post.  Never addressing your own biases and problems and never seeing that what you are actually doing is describing yourself.

Have you heard of projection?  Psychological projection is the phenomenon whereby one projects one's own thoughts, motivations, desires, feelings, and so on onto someone else.

Although I had intended not to engage with you because it is a pointless excercise, will change nothing and you will never see or understand what I am saying, I am still doing so, because I am enjoying it.

What do I find funny Mike?  I find it funny that you can say such ridiculous things, point the finger at everyone else, argue about grammer and that I may be stalking you!! That is funny, hilarious.  It is funny that you have no self awareness and cannot see how ridiculous some of your arguments are and that they are just a rant couched in a lot of meaningless bunkum.

That when you use your stereotypical, gender biased (because after all when you say spends time with parent you mean DAD and lives with parent you mean MUM) totally generalised over the top statements about how 'most recipients (read mum's) do this and most blah blahs do that, you can't see that you are doing EXACTLTY what you are accusing others of.  Projection.

And Mike, do humour me, please do write back and do the same to this post!  (and of course you can again accuse me of all things under the sun - which yes I am doing to you, I realise that, it is because you asked the question!)

Thanks once again for the laugh





L

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Larissap said
You are trying to engage me and it worked!
The fact is that you did the engaging of myself by posting demanding questions directed specifically at me, which you admit to in the second paragraph. So why would you invent such a ridiculous lie that you yourself show is a lie?

Larissap said
But as I am not threatened, scared or anxious about what you will say next I will go against my usual behaviour and write back!
uhhm, why would you be threatened, scared or anxious? What has been said that could be at all threatening, scary or likely to cause anxiety?

Larissap said
When I wrote to you I knew that anything I said was going to be dissected with a fine tooth comb and that you would argue about the meaning of the words I used, semantics, what I have and haven't proved.  
Again what you believe you know accompanied with your actions show that your intention was one of provocation. However, I haven't argued about the meaning of the words. I have simply given you far more respect than you give others by responding to questions or statements. I believe that I haven't questioned the meaning of any of the words and this is yet again something that your mind has conjured up, very likely to yet again play some sort of victim.

Larissap said
All the time never actually addressing the main point of the post.  
I again believe that you cannot show where I have not addressed any main point that has been put forward. However, if I have inadvertently missed a main point I would willingly address such a point if you were to show the respect you demand and address the questions that you have disrespectfully ignored to answer.

Larissap said
Never addressing your own biases and problems and never seeing that what you are actually doing is describing yourself.
Where am I describing myself? I have no doubt whatsoever that I have not described myself. However, obviously if you believe that I have then you can say exactly where I have described myself.

Larissap said
Although I had intended not to engage with you because it is a pointless excercise, will change nothing and you will never see or understand what I am saying, I am still doing so, because I am enjoying it.
So you asked questions of another that you had no expectation of being answered, yet also knew that they would be answered, and also actually used "I expect you ro reply….". I could well imagine that others would find such nonsense funny.

Larissap said
What do I find funny Mike?  I find it funny that you can say such ridiculous things, point the finger at everyone else, argue about grammer and that I may be stalking you!! That is funny, hilarious.  It is funny that you have no self awareness and cannot see how ridiculous some of your arguments are and that they are just a rant couched in a lot of meaningless bunkum.
Wow an answer to a question. Exactly what have I said that is in fact ridiculous? I somehow doubt that you can even answer that questions. Where have I pointed a finger at everybody else? Did I argue about grammar, I simply pointed out one grammatical error.  I have no self-awareness, that's a pretty ridiculous insult to throw. However, I would love you to explain how if I'm not aware of myself how I can post a message and why you would even say such a thing when I wouldn't notice it, oops I did notice something said about myself, I apologise for so easily showing the falsehood of your ridiculous statement.

Larissap said
That when you use your stereotypical, gender biased (because after all when you say spends time with parent you mean DAD and lives with parent you mean MUM) totally generalised over the top statements about how 'most recipients (read mum's) do this and most blah blahs do that, you can't see that you are doing EXACTLTY what you are accusing others of.
The facts is that I mean what I say and not something else, especially with regard to words such as parent, other parent, "spends time with parent" and "lives with parent". One other thing that I know about myself in actually being self-aware is that I am a "lives with parent", I am also quite aware of my gender and your theory simply falls apart as it cannot apply to my very own situation. It is you and the gender-bias within you that sees what has not been written from what has been written.
Larissap

Your conduct in this forum is not really productive. If there are issues you would like assistance with you are free to ask and an attempt will be made to provide advice. Whether this advice will be consistent with your opinion can not be guaranteed as, quite often, people come to us with some preconceptions and we attempt to highlight the realities, which unfortunately are sometimes not well received.

Your efforts to "engage" because "you are enjoying it" are incredibly disappointing and immediately causes me to ponder how this type of engagement has contributed to hostilities with your previous partners. Some self reflection may be useful here.

Mike T provides a particularly helpful service to people on this site in desperate need in his field of expertise and there would be many people lost without it. His time would be far better spent serving them than responding to your posts for your enjoyment.

As such if you make any further posts solely for your narcissistic enjoyment I will delete them myself. You are always welcome to post any questions or seek advice and may off course express an opinion. I do not think I need to make this any clearer. 

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can not hurt you"

Executive of SRL-Resources
Patronus

I thought this particular part of the forum was for venting.  That is what it appears both Mike and myself are doing.

I have asked for assistance in the past and not really received it.  I have applied to join the SLR group and after a productive discussion with a member of that group never ever heard anything back.  Nothing.  I have asked why I was not allowed to join the SLR group and received no response either.  I was not frivolous nor unproductive.  I just wanted access to the site to look things up for my own case.

I myself have contacted people through this forum, but off the forum and given them advice and help.  I am prepared to offer advice from my own experience.

Patronus if you had read my post you would have read that I deliberately DO NOT engage my ex like this.  I use the advice of the High conflict insitute and use the BIFF technique.(brief, informative, factual, firm) response or normally totally ignore his rants and raves.

I agree that Mike T does provide a useful service.  However in my opinion, he is biased and some of his non factual statements are highly contentious and full of his own opinion (which he does not back up with facts).

Although Mike T thinks it is easy to find things on this forum, I can't find the post I originally responded to (my post having been deleted).  In that post I asked for proof of his generalisations, just as he often does in his reponses.

I didn't ask him to respond to my posts nor start the thread here, that was his choice.  And I had intended not to reply anymore.

And my opionion Patronus is that this board is populated by a high number of males who are biased against females, who respond to female posts making enquiries in such a biased manner that many of these females never post again.  I have personally messaged some of these ladies myself and ended up helping them off the board.  I am trying to present another side.  Maybe not in the best way, but Mike T has a very provocative way of responding to posts he doesn't like.  Please note I did not say all males (or females) are biased, nor that all responses are unhelpful.  I am making a general statement having been on this board for a number of months now and seen a trend.  I have also seen other posts before they get deleted stating much the same as I have said here and in the past.

However having said that, I have once again learnt my lesson to keep my opinion to myself and just help people when I can.

I am sorry if I offended anyone, but it did appear to me that a bit of fun on this Let of Steam, Venting area was acceptable.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
Larissap said
I thought this particular part of the forum was for venting.  That is what it appears both Mike and myself are doing.
As is usual you are wrong, I have not been venting I am simply responding to questions, statements and correcting what has been wrongly said, you are simply seeing what your mind wants to see rather than basing anything on fact.

Larissap said
Although Mike T thinks it is easy to find things on this forum, I can't find the post I originally responded to (my post having been deleted).
In your post that was deleted, according to the rules that you have agreed to and agree to every time that you post, because it was off-topic and thus destructive as opposed to constructive, you posted that you couldn't find this topic, as is clear from the instructions as to how to find posts. Any more lying and distorting matters into what they are not, will result in a review of you misconduct and abuse and disrespect of others and perhaps suitable measures taken to protect those who use this portal who are genuinely in need of help or who are able to provide help.

Larissap said
I didn't ask him to respond to my posts nor start the thread here, that was his choice.
You have clearly stated that you did ask me to respond to posts. However, I believe I have news for you, this is a portal/forum open to the public. If you post the public have a right to respond.  The thread was started here because, in my "apparently gender-baised"(sic) way, I decided that deleting the topic without given you a response would have been disrespectful (that's in my opinion, but it isn't a vent). However, if you cared to read the rules and use the portal/forum appropriately you would have posted here and not in a topic that was clearly asking for advice.

Larissap said
And my opionion Patronus is that this board is populated by a high number of males who are biased against females, who respond to female posts making enquiries in such a biased manner that many of these females never post again.  I have personally messaged some of these ladies myself and ended up helping them off the board.
And has been shown your basis is not in fact but based solely upon the fantasy brewed within your mind.

Larissap said
However having said that, I have once again learnt my lesson to keep my opinion to myself and just help people when I can.
Congratulations, that's the first constructive help that I can recall you providing. I'd ask you to point me to where you have given this help, instead I'm closing this this topic because as Patronus says I have more constructive and beneficial ways to spend my time than wasting it on you.
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