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Is this reasonable?

My ex has had his phone disconnected for not paying the bill. My son tells me that he isn't having it put back on in the immediate future as my daughter has been ringing my number. I pay higher line rental and get unlimited local and long distance calls enabling the kids to ring him and his family without restriction. He knows this and takes advantage of it by sending an sms to ring him so he doesn't have to pay for the call. (Yes that irritates the faecal matter out of me but I keep quiet.)

Now to contact them we have to ring mobiles. Tonight I rang and spoke to the kids. My son asked to pass the phone onto the girls with me so they could talk to their Dad. I told him no, if Dad wishes to speak to the girls then he can have his phone reconnected and call them.

I'm not stopping my girls ringing him, it will be limited to 1 call for 20 minutes which will cost me 50c. I am not however paying for his calls.

I think my stance not unreasonable, but it could be seen as denying him access.


When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
Does he pay you child support?

Maybe he has less money to use on phone calls.

Do you need to speak with the children when they are with each other parent?

Why not leave them alone and organise things before or after visits etc?

Why are the girls (my girls our girls) ringing all the time - is it a teenage thing?

Can't everyone just have a good time - why the need for constant contact - how many emergencies can people have every day?

 Maybe I am not explaining myself well enough
Perhaps a solution could be that in some circumstances, financial hardship (I think), being on a government pension (not sure of the exact wording) another, would be to get the Telstra offering that cost $0 in line rental and is for incoming calls only.

Found it, it's Telstra's InContact offering (or not offering as they hide it away). Here's the details: :|
No he doesn't pay child support, (I do)

He reduced his work to 3 days a week, so he didn't have to, but works up to 6 days a week, the rest is cash in hand.

He drinks a lot and is always taking of to the coast for weekends etc so I don't think money the problem.

There isn't constant contact, however there isn't restricted contact. Since he lives in Qld and I in NSW the only contact we have with the kids is phone, and school holidays. I don't feel I should pay for HIM to contact the girls because he chooses to cut off that avenue.

He knows about the incoming only calls as we used it many years ago.

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
Hi Jadzia.

You are not denying him contact. He has removed the mechanism for contact.

Unless you have a court order stating that you must give the children mobile phones and provide contact that way.

I think you are being reasonable.

Possibly he is feeling threatened because the kids appreciated the discipline at your house and like it better there. But it's best not to play guessing games.

The bottom line is, you should not be financially put out through his negligent actions. Your actions are acceptable under the circumstances.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
It's important to consider why he has chose to let the phone bill go unpaid.

This is not your responsibility but you do want the kids to have contact.

Your solution of allowing the children to use your phone for a limited time is indeed a positive one.

Although your response to your child would have him confused and perhaps discouraged with you.

I would be more inclined to suggest if he is not phoning the kids routinely it is him who is at fault or if he uses this as an excuse for the kids to ring him rather then ring them he is sending a bad message to them. He would be better off going to the local phone box or a friends and paying for the limited calls he makes.

Jom I'm on a disability pension and I ring my daughter once a week just to say hi and let her tell me her news, contact and security is important to everyone but I agree some take it to extremes and it becomes more of a disruption than benefit.

One of the reasons not to let kids organise things is because they should not have to be a secretary for either parent it puts them in the middle.

He has his reasons for his actions and by the sounds of things you are not concerned about his reason more to the point is " am I being a bad parent " and no your not being a bad parent by setting boundaries I'd actually applaud you for showing the kids actions have consequences.
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