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Curious

I find it a curious annomoly that many "new" partners post on here looking for answers. I wonder why the actual person with the issue with the "ex" does not post? It is so common when the "new partner" posts that they are angry with the "old partner". It comes across as very bitter, I personally would like to see the person with the issue post and ask questions. This site is tending towards "the ex as the mother" hating and that makes me sad. There are many people of both genders who go through the same issues, why does it always have to be genderised!

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure"
I will tell you why, it is because all too often the other party, is so afraid of poking the bear that they just accept whatever is being dished out to them, for fear of not seeing their kids, that they just roll over and accept it.

It is not until somebody else comes along and questions why they are putting up with being treated like something that the ex stepped in, that things start to change and they start seeking help, which is what leads them here!

Unfortunately most of them are men.  Been there, done that and got the grey hairs to prove it.  Mind you, I have seen my share of feral male exes too.
Gecko, actually at the moment you are the one who has genderised this, by mentioning about the ex being the mother. We have had a few men on here as well asking on behalf of their "new" female partners.

And sadly, as Smurfergirl alludes to, the other party, who very often spends very little time with their children, and pays child support for that "privileged", is as Smurfergirl says, afraid to poke the bear. They also have friends who have been through the system and have sent in excess of $30,000 to maybe see their child one night a fortnight.

There is still biased towards the "status quo" and when a family has only one bread winner, it  is the bread winner who usually loses out on spending time with their children.
I agree with Smurfergirl.

Gecko- Why does it matter who asks the questions? I don't really see it as anybody else's business.
This is a family law forum, people are free to post questions regardless if its for themselves or someone posting on their behalf.
It doesn't matter at all Acacia, I am just curious, hence the title of this thread. And you are right, it is not my business, I just find it sad that the fathers (in these instances) dont bother to find the answers.

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure"
What I actually find sad is that we live in a society where fathers are held in such poor regard and that so many have to fight so hard to see their own children.

Everybody loses!
In some cases Gecko the partner may have a clearer mind than the father in regards to sourcing information and coming up with solutions to problems.
The parent involved may be stressed and emotional and not have the 'brainspace' to take on anything else.

Also partners of parents dealing with CSA bullsh!t are also affected by it if they are living together and have children together and are a family unit therefore its easy to see why the partners are keen to do as much as they can to get things resolved and made fair.
Gecko, I joined this site to find answers and half the questions I have asked, I cant get an answer to.
If the people who run this site don't know the answer to questions, why cant they leave a 1 line answer and say, sorry I cant help you, but why don't you try reading this or that.
Gecko your initial post is gender discriminatory, so perhaps think about how you word things before having a go at others. There are some new partners of mothers on here that have asked questions, so why do you need to single out only new partners of fathers?.

Irrespective of gender - new partners lives are affected by family law issues - things like child support, property settlement, step children ect ect. In my case (not that it is any of your business really), my partner cannot use a computer,my partner doesn't have time on his hands to search the net for answers, my partner doesn't always cope well with it all emotionally. Anything I've asked for help on here about directly or indirectly affects me and my children as well, I think that would be the same no matter whether someone is the new partner of a mother or a father.
Frenzy said
Gecko your initial post is gender discriminatory, so perhaps think about how you word things before having a go at others. There are some new partners of mothers on here that have asked questions, so why do you need to single out only new partners of fathers?.

Irrespective of gender - new partners lives are affected by family law issues - things like child support, property settlement, step children ect ect. In my case (not that it is any of your business really), my partner cannot use a computer,my partner doesn't have time on his hands to search the net for answers, my partner doesn't always cope well with it all emotionally. Anything I've asked for help on here about directly or indirectly affects me and my children as well, I think that would be the same no matter whether someone is the new partner of a mother or a father.
 

Frenzy, I am sorry if you feel that I am gender discriminatory. The only part in my initial post that specifies a gender is the last part. That was in reference to the many new partners who are on this forum which are women. As stated earlier, I am only curious as to why the actual parent is not posting. I understand that there may be many factors as to why, and I appreciate you sharing (thank you) your circumstances.

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure"
I know you've had a rough trot Gecko but as a female you'd be an unfortunate exception in family law circles. Try being routed in a property settlement, receiving threats of police involvement for the financial benefit of the other party, denied access to your own children, being hounded by CSA and generally being shunned by society and see how keen you are to frequently revisit the issue. Have you considered that that might be why the actual (predominantly male) subjects are often represented by another party?
You might be right sleepy, maybe it's because more men get the raw end of the stick.

What ever the reason though if a parent has someone who can find help, advice ect for them when they are going through a though time, isn't it going to possibly benefit that parent and thus their kids in the long run? isn't that what it should be about?

I really think separated parents who have new partners that support them in that way are pretty lucky. I don't know how my partner would have coped going through it all alone.

I know having asked questions on here about property settlement, CSA for my partner we have used that information to sort out some pretty major issues and get resolution in relation to some of the issues with his ex.     
I think new partners do a get raw deal as they see the work & effort put in by their partners (both as parents & as earners) but see those efforts short changed by often erratic behaviour of the ex's or spurious decisions & judgements of various agencies & tribunals.

I know my partner very much resents the lack of balance of my efforts as a parent and as an earner when she sees the relative luxury (fairy-dairy land as she calls it) being lived in by my ex. She sees my dismay when my time with my kids is tossed & turned about by my ex & the behaviours & expectations my children bring into our home that they have learned from the ex's house. What is she to do when she sees all this, sees the angst it causes to me, feels the pressure on our relationship, and then gets personally harrassed by my ex?

More power to our partners. I'd do the same for her.

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant."

 
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