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Red Roses

Lost grandchildren

My son and daughter-in-law have told me I will never have contact with them or my beautiful grandchildren again over an argument and misunderstandings. My daughter-in-law has been "difficult" from time to time but this time my son has decided to end things between us, apparently forever. I do not know whether I should seek access to the children - I have asked my son by email but with no response - or should i let things go for a while. This has all happened in the last few weeks and I am devastated and shattered. The same has happened to my son's father (my ex-husband) with my daughter-in-law. Thanks in anticipation.
Hello Red Roses.  Your grandchildren have rights to a continued relationship with you and it is wrong of their parents to use them as pawns in family conflict.  There are other ways and means of dealing with family conflict.  I suggest you start at the Family Relationship Centre and attempt mediation with your son and daughter-in-law.  Of course, this depends on their willingness to attend, but it is a start and it shows the parents that you are not going to stand by and allow them to abuse you and the children.  Also, it is a requirement before you commence legal proceedings that you attempt some form of mediation first.  If they refuse to attend you should receive confirmation of this which will then allow you to instigate legal proceedings for Parenting Orders (seeking contact with children) in the court.  Hope this helps.  Stay strong for your grandchildren, they need you to.  Kind regards, Calista

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.  M K Gandhi

Red Roses

Dear Calista, Thank you for your kind words. I have been thinking along these lines as I miss my grandchildren so much and feel very depressed. I am also afraid that my daughter-in-law may "poison" the children against me as she said some very vicious things to me. So I am worried that my grandson, who is 7 (my grand-daughter is not yet 1) may be torn between wanting to be loyal to his parents and seeing me. I'm wondering if I should commence straight away before too much damage is done.
There is certainly no harm in commencing straight away and in fact may benefit all parties bringing the conflict out into the open providing the parents agree to mediate.  Your fear of your daughter-in-law possibly poisoning the children against you is realistic and it is causing you alot of concern.   As you are feeling depressed and miss your grandchildren so much it can be assumed that your 7 year old grandson is also missing you.   You are quite right that your grandson may feel torn by trying to be loyal to his parents and wanting to see you.  You can sit by and let things go for awhile in the hope they will get better and worry about the possible damage that may be occurring and become more depressed, or you can commence straight away to do something which may bring about a change in the situation.  If you feel like you want to commence now, do.  I'm sure it will make you will feel better.  Kind Regards Calista.

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.  M K Gandhi

Red Roses

Thank you Calista, I will talk to the Mediation people and then decide what to do. I would really like to end this conflict, it's so unlike my son to go along with this awful stuff. Again thank you for your input and I will let you know what I decide. Regards, Helen.
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