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Have permanent care order for grandchild and want a relationship with his baby sister..need lots of information please

need opinion

I posted a few days ago but haven't had any advice so Im trying here.
I have my nearly 4 y/o grandson living with me, and he now has a sister, almost 1 y/o.
She was born whilst my son was in jail.
I didn't know any of her birth details as the mum chose not to tell me.
I didn't know where she was living, and DHS advised me that they would inform me when she was born, they didn't.
I was advised that the information was confidential so I had to wait until my son was released to learn of the situation.
So recently, he met up with the mum, and now they are together again.
I rang an advice line, and with their support, we rang DHS. and they did tell me that the mum was doing well. which is great, but they didn't approve of my son spending time with the baby, without being assessed.
I said that I would like to see the baby and establish a relationship, as early as possible, also so she can know her brother.
I can't appeal to the mother, as she resents me for gaining custody of her son.
The reason I find it difficult to talk to the mum is because she injured my son severely, and she displays frequent outbursts of anger.
She has threatened me and I think I'm better off keeping away. However, I do want to see my grandchild.
The parents have a history of drug abuse and crime, and their first born, was addicted at birth, and in hospital for 2 months, the new baby was the same. She was in hospital for 2 months, and my son tells me she nearly died.
The court order we were given was that the parents were allowed supervised visits with their son, up to 6 times a year, more at our discression, she has never seen or inquired about him,
 him since in our care.
She didn't let my son know if the baby was ok when she was born, she refused to contact him at all. He sent her letters, as he wanted to know when the baby was born, but nothing.
I am worried that the only way I will ever get to see the baby, is by getting a lawyer, but I still have 6 children at home and I simply could not afford the costs.
My son was angry with me for talking to DHS, as he and his partner, wanted to avoid DHS as the mums' case was closing in 3 weeks.
DSH case worker said  the mum was lying about contact with the father, and now avoiding her calls.
I explained to my son that the best way to remain in his child's life, was to go to DHS with the mum, and explain their situation.
You see when the 1st child was born, the mother and a 'friend', attacked my son with an iron bar and put him in hospital with a serious brain injury..this was all in an attempt to get him to sign over his parental rights. Then she lied to DHS about him abusing her, later admitting it was lies..
I suggested to go and tell them all of that otherwise, it could happen again. If the mum is 'sorry' for what she has done, and they want to be a family, then I would think the best thing to do, is tell DHS.
My other concern is when the parents are together, they become very co dependant and unreliable etc etc..
I would rather the mum be on her own with the baby, if she's doing ok.
Still, my son tells me that the child only sees his mother, no other family on either side, we have a big family, all stable and really want this child to be a part of it.
The thought of representing myself in court really scares me but I am sure the mum or dad will not attend any mediation, as they haven't attended anything in the past.
Hope this isn't too disjointed and I have been clear.
Thanks for reading

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. I am kinda in the same boat. I have a sister who is addicted to drugs and we want to help her 3 yr old son get out of her lifestyle as she does not want to go to rehab. Did you go to family court to get custody of your 4yr old grandson? we've called Child protective twice now with no help. They only sent a letter to her the 2nd time which makes me so frustrated. How can they assess without being out there to see for themselves. Anyways, I'm sorry I don't have answers for you but at least we're not the only ones in this situation. What is DHS? We would like to fight for custody but don't know how to go about it.
I think the the original poster was talking about the Department of Human Services for Victoria which includes child protection services (CPS) they are Victoria's equivalent of, NSW's DoCS (Department of Community Services), Queensland's Department of Communitites, SA's Department of Communities and Social Inclusion, WA's Department of Child Protection (note that this is limited to being alikg to CPS rather than the DHS, the latter covering other areas) and so on.

There is also a Federal DHS (this covers Centrelink, Medicare and Child Support).
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