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Hey guys,

              I figure I best put this in here and get some helpful advice before I continue on any further. This is about my ex and our child. My child sees the ex every second weekend and for some of the school holidays, this was worked out between the two of us amicably and there are no court orders.

 Over recent times my ex had a guest over and was showing "grooming" behaviours towards our child. My child spoke to me about this person and said that this particular person made my child feel uncomfortable and scared.

After my child telling me this I spoke to the ex and repeated what our child had told me. I asked that this friend of my ex's not be there while our child was as the behaviour was inappropriate and that I was unsettled by this display of behaviour and voiced my reasons.  The ex agreed that I was being reasonable and also agreed that this person was no longer welcome in my ex's home anyway as this person had pulled a knife on one of the other children.

I then discover that the last time that my child was at the ex's this person was there. It was my child that informed along with the half siblings of my child that this character had been there. I promptly ushered my child in to the car and went home as I was too angry to say something to my ex as it would have blown up in to an argument and the kids don't need to see that.

After I had spoken with my child at length, my child stated that this person did not speak to my child but continued to stare at them.  I then decided it would be best to report this to DOCS as I was very concerned. DOCS asked if there was court orders and I said there was not, the officer said that they would recommend that I don't send my child back there, I agreed as I don't want to send my child back there as I feel my ex is not making the children's safety their first priority.

I know that given the whole "equal rights" thing I'm not obligated to send my child back to the ex's.  So what I'm wondering is should I have it out with the ex over the phone, or should I write my ex a formal letter stating my reasons for our child not going back.

If you stood in my shoes, how would you handle this situation?
you should have nipped it in the bud with the ex quick smart. then you wouldnt be here wondering. this could have been something small and out of context not that im condoning the behavior but yes u could have spoken to your ex about it rather than sit back and go the other route
I think you've done the right thing contacting DOCS.  I would suggest you get your lawyer to write a formal letter.

Don't have it out with them over the phone, you might say something you regret, or not be clear enough with your argument.

Good luck - it sounds like an awful situation.
i tried to alter my post but couldnt i seen you have tried to talk with your ex. i guess what i ment was your ex might not have seen how serious u were about it...
The child does not need to be exposed in an environment that they have a cause for concern. Just the mere mention of a "knife" being brandished around leaves much to be desired. Take whatever steps are required to ensure the child can come back from any contact visit without such issues weighing on their mind. A serious and private discussion with the ex is required.

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
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Thank you Adelaide D, Ecca and Secretary, for your responses.
I've decided to contact a solicitor about this situation.
There has been minimal requests from me to my ex in the past. All of these things I have asked out of concern for our child.  My ex has not fulfilled these requests and now the biggest request about 1 person not being present while our child is there.
I can't control what the ex does and does not do, I'm thinking that it may be that I go to court, so then if the ex is court ordered, they would have to comply. Which is sad because a parent should not have to be court ordered to have their child's safety as their first priority.
I will be arranging a discussion with my ex in private and offering them to see our child in a safer environment (such as going to the park, phonecalls etc) until court orders can be made.
My child wants to see the other parent but wants to feel safe doing so.
It's so far the best I can come up with to be fair to my child and my childs siblings.
Secretary, when you say "take whatever steps are required" and "a serious and private discussion with the ex is required" what would you recommend.?   
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