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Psycholocial assessment

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Concern

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In the past few months my son has been expressing suicidal/violent thoughts and he tells me he told the ex.  He refuses to talk with either me or the ex but will talk with my partner.  my partner has always kept me informed and straight away we had him to a GP and then on a youth counselling service; who diagnosed anxiety and he seemed to settle.   Now it has raised its head again and he requested to go back to counselling.  The counselling service  rang me immediately after to say they were concerned.   Today I tried to have a face to face meeting with my ex (who wanted my son at the conversation) I told her what had happened and she admitted that he had told he wanted to go to the counselling service but she had not done anything about it.  Instead she turned around and told me that it was my partner and I who were 'head f+" the kids every time they came down and that my daughter was also suicidal as it was all over her internet page.   My daughter has told me she hadn't even looked it up, but that in fact my son had been using her computer.

Ex would not listen and walked away.   I know that my ex will use this information to try to stop the kids from coming down. (they are 12 & 14) and whilst I would be really sad and will fight that part; I am concerned that my son will not get the help as my ex will not follow up on anything we do.  ( I have a diary full of GP appts that despite being requested has not been followed, refusal to follow up on tests etc that I have arranged).    I have deep concerns about what happens when they are with her and like the kids tell her stories of things at our house they do the same in ours.  The last thing being that they had both been to a party with the ex and that they got so drunk on cocktails they could hardly get out of bed ……..but the ex didn't notice as she was in the same boat.

No one as a parent is perfect and I am the first person to say the marriage breakup has caused issues…..but I want my son and daughter to be happy and not always be the middle of their parents issues.


Can you tell me if there is a mechanism for psychological assessment independently that will hold up in court as I know we are heading that way and I want things documented independently for the kids sake. 
I would, if any medication has ever been given to the child, go to the manufacturers website and read the sde effects etc, of the drugs. Many children have lite depression due to family seperations etc., and I recently read that some anxiety drugs, if given to a patient with any amount of depression, can lead to suicdal thoughts and suicide.

And, I would keep up the bond with the partner the child talks to as this may prove to be very important.

Do tell your children that adult squabbles are just silly things adults engage in and they are not meant to be taken seriously by the kids. Maybe you could take the child to the appointments yourself.
There are no drugs involved for my son at this point.   My ex has told me to butt out and she will manage it as she is the 'primary care giver'.  She has banned my son making contact with my partner when they are not with me. 

I am desperate to know what to do now as I fear for his safety.
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