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Concern for childs safety

My partner and I have recently separated after 13yrs and he seems to think that he holds all the cards. We have not even been to mediation yet, but he seems to think that he has sole rights to my two girls aged 10 and 5. He is a heavy drinker and often has his mates around on weekends, smoking cannibis and binge drinking. This is the main reason I left him after he knocked me down and kicked me, giving me a black eye. I currently have my two girls on weekends because I have moved into my own place and plan on taking the girls at the end of the school year. My oldest one has always ended up in bed with us during the night. It would appear that she has still been doing this in my absence.

I am concerning for the safety of both my children when he has his weekend binges with his mates as the house is some distance from the entertainment area and the girls are left in the house on their own. My concern is that he gets so drunk that he is oblivious to anything going on around him and I worry that one of his drunken mates may try to molest one of my children. My oldest is now coming into puberty and I feel that it is wrong for her to be sleeping in with her father, especially as he is a heavy drinker.

Can anyone advise what I should do…Help
Tannie2 said
I currently have my two girls on weekends…
You say you have the children on weekends…

Tannie2 said
I am concerning for the safety of both my children when he has his weekend binges with his mates as the house is some distance from the entertainment area and the girls are left in the house on their own.
Then I get confused.  If you have your two girls on weekends aren't they in your care at this time?

"Never, "for the sake of peace and quiet," deny your own experience or convictions". Dag Hammarskjold
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Not always. Twice now, he has refused to let me have my girls so this weekend I left my youngest with a girl friend and only took my 10year old to the arranged meeting place. When he asked where ? was, I said she is staying with me, to which he replied, you cant do that. I had previously gone to the local police station and asked if someone could come with me in case he became violent but they just gave me a phone number and told me to call them if there was any trouble. A bit late after the fact. I plan to go to he clerk of the court and obtain an order to take my oldest daughter our of school as soon as her exams have finished. is this a wise thing to do.

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I am somewhat confused as to your situation. There seems to be more to your plight so it is difficult to give you the information you are seeking. Also you make some broad insinuations which if correct would have prompted some prior action.

Why is it you are planning to take the girls at the end of the year? How did you come to your current arrangement?

"When there is no enemy within, the enemies outside can not hurt you"
There was no current arrangement. My ex partner flatly refused to let me even see my girls at first. He wants to dictate the terms all the time. As I mentioned earlier, I now have ? with me full time but come the school holidays, he has to work, so I said that I would take my oldest until mediation but he said no way. I'll find someone to look after her. I know that I will have both my girls after mediation as he has shot himself in the foot so many times by the outlandish and ridiculous statements and demands on me wich he has no right to do. I do speak on the phone to my oldest every night but he still refuses to let me see her at all now. My ex partner and I have a mutual friend who told me that my 10 year old was left in the house on her own again last night while he and his mates got on the drink down at he entertainment area which is about 100m from the main house. now do you understand why I am concerned for my daughters safety. I have been keeping a daily log of everything that has happened since we separated. I hope this makes thing a little clearer to you.
Honestly no I don't.

Tannie you haven't really explained the situation properly though I can see you are very angry it's hard for people to advise which direction to go if we don't know what the situation is.

I assume that you have the 5 year old with you and the 10 year old is with dad.

You do not say if you allow him access to the 5year old but you do say he does not allow access to the eldest. So is it a case of you both have a child each which neither party will let the other parent see ??????

You suggested that you offered to take your daughter until mediation but did not offer to take her just for the time she needed to be looked after, not much of a choice for him really. And lets face it he does have the parental responsibility to organize care for her when he is working, thats pretty normal if she is in his care.

Well no you won't have both your girls after mediation unless you both come to an agreement and this involves you making an effort to establish some sort of plan as well as him. Mediation can not force him to allow your daughter to see you though it will effect things further down the track.

Children are left in the home whilst parents are outside all the time, some of these parents drink when this happens, and it's mums as well as dads. It does not mean the child is in harms way especially if it has been an accepted part of the relationship that this is normal prior to separation. It may not be the best moral choice if you are seeking perfect parenting but may well be normal in certain families.

Can we assume these mutual friend were drinking with him because if they weren't how do they know exactly what happened ???

You mention the fact that when you were together your daughter always ended up in bed with you both, you have made this acceptable she does not see that there is any wrong with this and she feels safe in doing this and for all intensive purposes there is no reason she should not, now you've separated you want automatic change to this, I understand that now you want change but this needs to be done gently with support from her father and you need to consider the reason why you want change you can't just go around accusing people of being potential molesters just because you need a reason to instill fear.

Normally if one partner drinks and uses drugs so does the other, this assumption made there would have been times there when you were intoxicated and not in a position to know if something was happening with the kids. Point being you accepted this situation as normal and you participated in it, yes I understand that he hit you and you left.

You need to stop looking for reasons to create conflict and work on sorting this mess out, most everything you have said is connected with your own fears and not with anything tangible.

By the sound of things you left the girls there to start with and planned to take them back in a couple of months. No mention of what the kids felt about this or if they understood, no mention why you couldn't take them in the beginning.

It's all very murky so it's hard to say which is your best direction or what is best to do.

    
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