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Impact on shared parenting outcome if you get diagnosed with stress or depression

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Impact on court if they see you as stressed or depression

Hi everyone

I am feeling particularly strained at this point - just over a year. Court dates for trial on custody coming in November. I feel overwhelmed and have spent tens of thousands with lawyers. I have a couple of ridiculous allegations against me that I've gone to psychologists and psychiatrists to disprove. The reports are in my favour. I have two kids.

I now feel that work is not getting my full attention and I'm missing things - I have income protection insurances.

I'm worried if I get a stress / depression diagnosis it will impact upon me and the desired 7/7 shared parenting. I have 9/5 currently but not in one block. Holidays are crazy with only maximum three days stretches with their father. I am extremely happy when the kids are with me.

What impact on the trial would it have if I turn up on insurance with a diagnosed condition.

Thank you.

Stressed or depressed comes as part of the territory

I may be new here but I am not new on the Court scene by any means. My ex subpoenaed 13 doctors to try to prove anything he could against me. Most of them I never even saw! He must've gone through the local phone book, bless him.

In ordinary life we get stressed. With court hearings, dishing out thousands and writing reams of affidavits we will get stressed. If you think you are stressed or depressed see a doctor and get it treated. It's an illness not a liability in parenting skills.

Be easy on yourself. It's a very stressful time but it will all end one day.

The most important thing is to look after yourself and stay positive even against all odds.

Better to be seen as stressed/depressed and taking care of business than letting it perpetuate.

Good Luck!


My ex is using this line of attack on me too.....

I was diagnosed with Generalised Anxiety Disorder when my little one was a few months old. There was probably an element of PPD as well. I went to cognitive behavioural therapy and eventually started on Zoloft as well. It made a huge difference.

As part of my therapy, I was writing notes about situations that caused stress and anxiety, my reaction to it, and alternate "self-talk" that would decrease the stress. It was a valuable process - but guess what I left behind when I left my ex. He found the notes when he moved house. There was stuff in there like "my kids are going to hate me one day" "I yell to much at my kids" "I am such a bad wife and a bad mum". Now he refers to it as "The Blue Folder" and has actually scanned the notes and sent them to a friend/colleague of mine, and constantly threatens to send them to my colleagues and use them against me, should I take legal proceedings to get primary care of the girls (currently it is 50/50).

I spoke to my solicitor about it - and her response? "1 in 4 Australians have some form of mental illness. At least you were diagnosed and took steps to overcome yours."

I agree with The Mom that you should seek help. My medication makes a huge difference, and the fact that you are being treated, I think, is as good as not having the illness at all.

1 in 4 means that you could expect 1 in every 2 couples who fight custody battles to have one parent with a mental illness (probably more, given the stress involved) - imagine if the courts ruled against that parent because of their illness. There are much worse things that your kids can be exposed to than a parent who is being treated for a mental illness.

(Then there is my ex who I'm sure has something going terribly wrong with his head - yet he is undiagnosed and untreated. What he does to my girls is really bad - yet I'm sure it will be his actions, not his lack of diagnosis of a mental illness, that will be the biggest factor when we go to court).
If you are concerned then acquire evidence that supports your situation, reflect that it is a temporary situation and that you are following medical advice to reduce the effects of this on your life.

I would believe to have an effective case against you evidence would need to be produced by the other party that you have been a danger to yourself or others whilst a strong pattern had been formed of unacceptable behavior.

Main point is for you to have in place evidence that is favorable to you dealing with any condition that may be present with emphases on reducing any effects this may have on your life.

Its certainly not unusual to be concerned or paranoid about the other party using this against you because we see depression associated to people who take their own lives and sometimes lives of those close to them, reality is depression is normal if it is short term, it's treatable in long term.

People still voice prejudice of uninformed opinion with regards to depression, because of social attitude it is still the case many people do not like to declare there situation in fear of this prejudice.

So if you do express the truth then be prepared for the fall out and have you evidence ready, try not to get caught up with defending yourself but rather make statements about how you are dealing with things as instructed under care and counsel.

I agree RFF when the other party has some written information about how dark thoughts sometimes get  it is hard to not get twisted in fear and sick to the stomach but you know it's OK to accept and admit you own those words on paper as where we go is a lot darker, and as the kids get older and you tell them " this is how I felt but it's OK now " you will see their acceptance of your pain as just part of who you are.

The mother of my child in another state has mental/selfish/deep seated issues that has been going on for years.

MOMC has been seein g a psych for years & she had the ordasty to ring my mum the other day & say she is seeing because of me & forgets to mention about her past visits to the psych.

I have told the MOMC to seek help from her doctor & get another referal to another Psych because i beleive the current psych is & hasnt helped the woman for years except to fluff up her ego.

I do feel for people that have a genuine & wish them a speedy recovery, BUT i dislike people who are blantant selfish liars that "cry wolf" if things don't go there way.

I too have done self help excercises to help handle situations that are abit beyond me, and you know what, i'v come out the other side a better person for it too.

Good luck peeps!
The court won't give a rats.

It actually is meant to reflect back on the accusing party … but it doesn't.  I'd just refuse to go really.

If you're not stressed at court then you are probably dead :P your whole life on public display … everything. It feels similar to being raped really … a total violation (at least mine was).

My ex made crazy statements too  eg. He is a drug user, so I had to go and do a drug test - and pee into a bottle in front of two GPs :( not cool.

Had to get a psych report on me too - that was fun!  Not because I had an issue but because "she made the claim".

Anyway, as long as there is no self-harm or fear of harming the kids then I wouldn't worry about it. Courts expect you to be nervous.

I truly know how you feel. I have been through four different situations with my children and my now husband. At times I felt like I would never make it through it. I lost hope in the courts and the whole process. My ex husband started every court proceeding. I felt like an emotional mess. But I did find the strength and the courts FINALLY saw through the lies. Me and my children are safe forever. There is a GOD!!

The Courts already know going to court is in itself stressfull

And stressful on the kids. In fact that is the basic premise for a significant piece of case law relating to attempts to reopen cases.

The case law is Rice & Asplund which in its simplist form says there must be enough changes in circumstances so that the prospective benefit to the children from rehearing the case outweight the risk to the child from running the case.

And no having depression is not fatal in the eyes of the courts. Ignoring it generally leaves the court wary, but a parent who seeks assistance and follows the guidance offered leading to an improvement is generally regarded well by the courts.

For me - Shared Parenting is a Reality - Maybe it can be for you too!
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