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I feel like I'm drowning in hopelessness

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My children are at risk and nobody cares

About two years ago I was finally forced to leave my abusive de-facto, unfortunately she hung on to the kids with a grip of iron and as I was in no fit state, after having been assaulted by her and she called the police on me, and newly jobless, I could not do anything about it. After going interstate to my parents for help for a short time, I was forced into a Conference when I returned. I had hoped just to set myself up in my own place and have the children on weekends, and stupidly thought she would agree to this without the legal hassles.

She has been deliberately trying to alienate me from the children's lives and coaches them to want to go home to her at night on my overnight access with them and now says that they wanted to go back to her at those times as they were distressed. I have been trying to save up enough money to do something and have been knocked back on Legal Aid so they have been with her the whole time which gives her status quo.

Each time I visit, (she refuses to let them come to me where I live) I find my children in an even worse state than the time before. She has never been interested in being a mother to them, and always relies on her mother or other people to care for the kids while she goes out clubbing or visits friends etc. My children are being neglected as she does not provide for them properly and my 3 year old who is asthmatic is not medicated properly and is left to take the puffer on her own, and the children are sick almost every week.

On top of this they are always infested with head lice and up to 13 people have been reported to be living in the 3 bedroom Housing Commission home. She does not pay the bills and has had the electricity cut off for long periods and has stayed in motels with her extended family and the children. There is a lot more, including the fact that she is often heard screaming at the children and tells them to "Shut the f… up." when they are upset and need comforting. The hygiene in the home is appalling and I believe that the frequent bouts of diarrhea and vomiting the children have are possibly food poisoning.

On my last visit I was forced to bring them home with me as my 3 year old was so sick she had needed hospital treatment and was put on antibiotics and steroids and I knew that if I returned her she would not be medicated properly, and the baby had scarring and bruises.

She went straight to a Solicitor who got a Return order as she had had the children for so long. My concerns were ignored. I had managed to save a few thousand and my parents are helping me and now I am in the process of an appeal which my Solicitor seems to think is a waste of time.

We have gone to DOCS several times and the Police and DOCS have been contacted by neighbours on a regular basis. DOCS just tell me that it isn't bad enough.

To make matters even worse my Solicitor seems to be treating the case as any other Family Law/ Custody case and seems to not believe me, even though I have statements from some of her friends and neighbours outlining the terrible things she does to my children, and that she has lied, and I can prove it, in her Affadavits. She accuses me of having no interest in my children, when it has been her that has kept me from them. I have a DVO on me which expires in 3 days and she threatens me with the Police all the time. She has a DVO also, on my behalf which has a few months to go. My Solicitor does not give me advice or direction and seems to think my case is hopeless. I need someone who will fight for my children. I am convinced that one of them will end up on the news or at the very least their lives are going to be tainted forever if left with this abusive, neglectful person.

Does anyone know of any good Solicitors who could help me and not charge a fortune for the privilege? Or any advice as to what I should do, I feel like I'm drowning in misery.

Please someone, Help my babies.
Hey battered dad and welcome to the FLWG.

One of the first thing I'd advise you to do is seek help through DID's ( Dads in distress ) to elevate some of the more pressing emotional stress, they also have a web site and forum that offers support on emotional issues.

When reflecting on legal issues it's important that you take the time to educate yourself on the basics, you will find some lawyers did minimum work for their dollar and you need to press them into action by giving them direction. If you do not know what is possible and how to apply it then you will waist many dollars for absolutely nothing.

To access this information and some excellent advice I'd suggest that you join the SLR-R ( Self representing litigants resources ).
They can be found in the community section at the top right hand corner of the page, then down to SLR and press then to the section to join.

There are more secure areas that can be used to better profile your case so try and get that organized.

In reference to your question about an good inexpensive lawyer, read the above because in most cases you get what you pay for and you will need to do some of the work yourself to effectively reduce costs, money is time.

Remember that if you need help with emotional stuff pop over to DID's web site and post there, legal matters FLWG unfortunately emotional stuff really does taint legals and need to be kept separate.

All best D4E  

Basic Advice

Battered-dad said
Thank you for your friendly advice.
Hi lad.

Firstly you are not alone and you are not drowning. The fact that you are here shows that you are doing some thing about it. Do as D4E says: contact DIDS in your area, educate your self on the basics by reading these posts, then apply to join SRL, but NOT before you read the other posts.

Can I suggest to you, that you make a list of all the event of your relationship, in date order. This list will include things such as: when relationship started, where we lived,when she said or did things to you, any contact with police, DOCS. You need to start looking for written evidence of any kind, to back up any statements you will say in an affidavit. Do you keep a dairy?  :$ Oops - that should be diary! - I was obviously trying to 'milk' the situation and udder stand your case butter  ha ha ha :P


Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on the site (Look for the Avatars).   Be mindful what you post in the public areas. 
OOOPS I meant alleviate not elevate you don't want your stress to get worse.

At this point I'll draw your attention to Monti's avatar that specifies his rank and position in the SLR-R, when you see these avatars that have information contained in them to relevance of themself and the site it is always wise to pay special attention to their advice as it is hard fought knowledge that they share.

It will become very important to you as time goes by, as I am sure you will come to rely on this site in your quest.

So heed closely the advise to explore, learn and even question.

Best with all D4E.
 :lol:  I don't think it could be elevated any higher. Thanks for making me laugh though.

Thank you too Monti I have lots of help from my parents, I have learning dissabilities so my writing and such is not too good. Thank goodness for computers. My mum has kept a diary of all the things I have told her and other things.
Mate you shouldt give up the fight, you are doing the thing.the tin hats can really help you build a strong appeal. I reading between the lines but you have a strong support group around you, your family and the help they give you will make a big differance in the end to your personal fight. Good luck, and may the force be with you!


Han Solo routine "We're all fine here, thanks. How are you?" *weapons fire* "It was a boring conversation anyway!"
Battered Dad, you may have trouble with spelling, but you have managed to express yourself clearly in your posts so far. You have managed to use a spell checker very well. If you can continue to do these things, you will be fine.

There are things that can be done. Putting up your hand and asking for help is the first step.

Take the next steps are as Montiverdi suggests.

Go to DIDs to get your heart right and we will help to get the information you need to get your head right with the direction to take things.

It all seems like a bundle of crazy string at the moment, but if you can follow the steps we can help you work it out.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Thanks guys I'm really glad I found this site. Just knowing what to do and how to do it will help me not to feel like i'm lost and drowning. You just don't know the legal things until you are going through them and I feel like I'm always a step behind. She's got a better Solicitor than me who is a step ahead and deals with things quickly. Mine is always 'running late' with things. But I feel more hopeful now thanks to your advice and the info on the site.

I just took the quiz for SRL and failed. I guess I have to do a lot of reading first, which is not easy for me but I have to try. Any suggestions?

Last edit: by Battered-dad

google is your friend. FLWG has links to resources that would answer all of your questions on the SRL resources tab. I do have one hint for you, any matter taking more than 2 days for a hearing has to be transfered from the FMc to FLCoA. I found that info on the Familycourts website.


Han Solo routine "We're all fine here, thanks. How are you?" *weapons fire* "It was a boring conversation anyway!"
i feel for you, when mine all kicked off again in 2006 i nearly fell apart, I lost 16 kilos in four weeks, shut myself of from everything, including my business and felt a big cloud over me… and my case is in no way as you describe yours, my little one is always safe… I can only imagine how you must feel inside..

I only found this place last week, as i am nearing final hearing…. but i have digested heaps of new information in just few days, i cant stop reading to be honest!!!

You are much luckier, you have found this resource at the beginning of your journey.. and i can tell you 100% for sure, there is no other website out here that i have seen that even comes close to this place in the information available.. i have looked VERY hard.

You HAVE TO be strong….its the only way to get through this, be rational in anything to do with your children and letout the irrational emotions elsewhere…….im writing a book to get all my thoughts out ;-)…..also…. get support…..learn…. and ask for advice….One man can only do so much.

What you will learn will help others in the future.
I hope it works out for you

They must find it difficult, those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority

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