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Hi,
I am a new single parent to u beautiful baby girl whom is 4 months old.

Her father has recently been in her life now since she was 2 months old. He was seeing her 3 days a week for 3 hours at a time.

This was my rules, he said of he wasn't working he would want to see her more days then 3. Now I am returning to work next week, 2 days a week and he will look after her for 7 hours one day and 4 the other day, he says that is not enough time with her. But I think it is at her age and situation, as when she is with him she cries uncontrollably and wants to be with her mummy.

He doesn't interact with her at all,just sits on the couch with her on his lap in front of the t.v. and does not understand about having a scheduled routine for her. I need help in knowing what's right for my daughter not his wants????

I don't want to go through the whole court thing??
Any tips??

Last edit: by Secretary SPCA

shanna said
This was my rules,
VERY selfish comments, who are you to make up rules?.. AGREEMENT is the best, insert it into your mind and vocabulary

shanna said
 he said of he wasn't working he would want to see her more days then 3. Now I am returning to work next week, 2 days a week and he will look after her for 7 hours one day and 4 the other day, he says that is not enough time with her. But I think it is at her age and situation, as when she is with him she cries uncontrollably and wants to be with her mummy.
Another sexist selfish comment. Four month old babies cry and to try that turn that into  bigging yourself up and brownie points  is  a poor look

shanna said
He doesn't interact with her at all,just sits on the couch with her on his lap in front of the t.v. and does not understand about having a scheduled routine for her. I need help in knowing what's right for my daughter not his wants????
How the hell do you know that and even if its true why dont you help him to learn instead of preaching you know everything simply because you are female? Seems like all you are thinking about is YOUR wants

Most parents of babies would sit in front of the TV at times, what do you expect.. for him to take her motor bike riding? I do not believe for one second a dad of a newborn asking for more time simply ignores the baby when shes with him

shanna said
Any tips??
Yes, have a severe attitude adjustment and feel lucky you have a parent of the child who can help you maintain your career!
Having said that the courts will not generally give a great deal of time to very young children of the non live with parent but.. you dont want it to go to court do you?

Last edit: by The Wolf


Nothing i say should be taken as legal advice. I am not a Lawyer. If i help you it is of your own free choice to listen to what i say or not. I do not create documents for you. I do not represent you…. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Shanna.

I’m not really certain what you are asking us.

Has the father indicated that he will take you to Court if you do not increase his time with the baby?

At 4 months of age the baby would not be doing a whole lot (physically) and while routine is important for infants/young children the fact that the father has only been seeing the child for 3 hours, 3 times a week should not pose any real issues to said routine.

Further as the child is far from being verbal then I too question how you would know how the father is spending his time with the baby?

Certainly at 4 months of age babies can cry for a ‘parent’ and in particular a primary carer (mum or dad) or a primary carer mother if the baby is breastfed and hungry (this also applies in intact families) HOWEVER separated families are not the same as intact families and more work needs to be done particularly where babies/infants are concerned by both parents to ensure that the child’s needs (which are generally greater given the developmental milestones that need to be met and possible different approaches to parenting) are adequately being met.  More regular time with dad and some open conversation between both parents about how this will be achieved would be a good start.

I do question why when dad has been seeing the baby on 3 occasions per week that this frequency is being reduced by you to only 2 occasions simply because you are going back to work?  I would have thought that it would at least have remained at 3 occasions with the increased hours?

Discussion, agreements, willingness of parents to negotiate, accommodating the specific and age appropriate needs of the child as well as more frequent and regular time with the non-residential parent as well as parents who are relaxed at changeovers should assist the child with transitions between households.

You and the father will be part of this child’s life for many years to come and will need to negotiate many things in the future.  Best to start off on the right track for your child now!!
 

Any opinions expressed herein are strictly for informational purposes and are never to be taken as legal advice.
So you are going back to work, and the child will be spending time with the father while you are at work. And if the father wasn't spending that time with the child, then I assume that you would not be going back to work.  Because you said that she cries uncontrollably and wants to be with her mummy.

You can't have it both ways.

And as for the father not interacting with her, well, even if he is just holding the child while the television is on, he is interacting with her. She has contact with him. Lots of parents just hold their children, and don't interact with them. It is comfort that they are providing the child. All of bub's waking hours do not have to be spent 'interacting' with a parent. Just being held if enough.

Babies need frequent time with BOTH parents, not just one. This is what being a parent is all about. Put yourself in his shoes. Would you want him telling you that you can only spend twice a week with bubs?
When you are at work and when the child is not with the father who are you leaving the child with? Is it a day care/stranger or someone the buby has a close association with.

The first few months are a critically important time for both mum and dad to develop a close and bonded relationship with bubs. It is vitally important that you are both having frequent and reasonable periods of contact with bubs at this stage.  

The weekly contact of three hours three times a week could easily be extended further to give you some respite. As for a structure and routine there are plenty of parenting sites around you could both look at on how to parent. This web site is primarily for legal assistance and information relating to legislation and courts. It does have some parenting advisories and information and I would suggest almost all members here are, or have been parents, dealing with the difficulties of raising children in separated or strained family situations.

The key message you are getting is to cooperatively parent, work on your parenting skills and communications and work with dad to make sure he is able to deal with (and has been provided with the required equipment) all of the things that come up while you are out at work.

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
 Was my post helpful? If so, please let others know about the FamilyLawWebGuide whenever you see the opportunity
 
Secretary SPCA said
When you are at work and when the child is not with the father who are you leaving the child with? Is it a day care/stranger or someone the baby has a close association with.

This is a super important point and even if it is a relative what better relative to leave a child with than a PARENT… If the original poster intends on daycare, that makes her post even more shameful in my opinion (The Wolf waits for its the Grandmother and females knows best or daycare staff are "qualified" reply)

Nothing i say should be taken as legal advice. I am not a Lawyer. If i help you it is of your own free choice to listen to what i say or not. I do not create documents for you. I do not represent you…. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
The Wolf said
… If the original poster intends on daycare, that makes her post even more shameful in my opinion (The Wolf waits for its the Grandmother and females knows best or daycare staff are "qualified" reply)
Harsh and harsh Mr Wolf. I think you have been around way too many family law cases over the years. It sounds to me 'reading between the lines' that Shanna and her ex partner are quite young and have not been exposed to the vagaries of parenting and are yet to find a parenting style that works for them both. My colleague Professor Parkinson has talked about the indissolubility of parenthood and I now print a few lines from my thesis on the family court system to be presented later this year.

The indissolubility of parenthood after separation is well considered in academic circles. Parents cannot abdicate parental responsibilities and walk away from dealing with parenting issues, simply because a parental relationship has broken down.

It is this proposition that will be dealt with in looking at alternate options to resolve the vexed process of settling family and parenting disputes after parents separate.

Currently the primary principle in dealing with parents who cannot agree, is to apply the blunt instrument and the full force of adversarial family law litigation, arising through the powers delegated to the court through the Family Law Act 1975.

 

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
 Was my post helpful? If so, please let others know about the FamilyLawWebGuide whenever you see the opportunity
 
I appreciate those replies, as that is what I was asking for was help in what I should do, if…

And I state…if…. I was doing it right or not, like I said I'm new to this. As for replies from the Wolf, your username suits you, all you have is your claws and fangs out. Maybe you should consider not being so bloody sexist yourself, saying I have attitude, am sexist and assuming who was taking care of her, its her bloody UNCLE actually. Yes a man!!

As for getting parenting tips to read up on, trust me I do everyday, I just wish someone else would too. I have thought about giving him that extra day( putting myself in his shoes) But looking after her not in my home. Again thank you for your advise, excluding The wolf!!!!

Talk about making someone feel extremely small and like they are a nothing. It must feel good for the other person behind your screen to succeed in making people feel like that…. Well applauded. 😩

Last edit: by Secretary SPCA

shanna said
. As for replies from the Wolf, your username suits you, all you have is your claws and fangs out
 
I thank you for the compliment, the truth often hurts. Two moderators have said basically the same as me in this thread, yet you pick me out for special treatment… I feel so honoured. Do i get a certificate?

shanna said
Maybe you should consider not being so bloody sexist yourself, saying I have attitude, am sexist and assuming who was taking care of her, its her bloody UNCLE actually. Yes a man!!
 
In The Wolfs eyes, that makes your post 1000 times worse

shanna said
 I have thought about giving him that extra day( putting myself in his shoes) But looking after her not in my home. Again thank you for your advise, excluding The wolf!!!!
 
What i said was sound advice, ignore it and remain ignorant or learn from it and dont…Either way I am still off to BBQ my salmon and  as long as Dad sees Bub i dont care what you think of me….  im assuming you wont read this or take this on board either … He looks after her at YOUR home??? you dont allow him to go to his OWN home with his OWN child?????  Is that another one of your "rules"? Its simply outrageous.

shanna said
Talk about making someone feel extremely small  
I can assure you, you have done this all on your own

Last edit: by The Wolf


Nothing i say should be taken as legal advice. I am not a Lawyer. If i help you it is of your own free choice to listen to what i say or not. I do not create documents for you. I do not represent you…. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Shanna, there is no need to swear. So, please let us know, why you consider it better for the child to be in the care of an uncle rather than a parent.

Please remember shanna that you are the one who said that these were your rules. Parenting responsibilities come with a lot of compromises, and one parent should not be making the rules for the other parent.

And if you have thought about giving him another day, then why haven't you? Also, why is he spending time with the child in your home?
It also might be interesting to know why, in your own words, the father did not start spending time with the child until she was two months old.
Secretary SPCA said
Harsh and harsh Mr Wolf.
 
Agreed… but now we know "Uncle" is going to look after bub and Dad cant even see bub in his own home….Id say that is  a lot harsher, on Dad and Bub
Secretary SPCA said
 I think you have been around way too many family law cases over the years.
 
One is too many, and of course you are correct about myself (4), which is why im harsh.. to try to stop people going to court.. i see the emotional drain on the people i help, as im sure you do every single day. I regurlarly see grown adults cry like little babies because of stress and accusations, again, as i am sure you do too
Secretary SPCA said
 It sounds to me 'reading between the lines' that Shanna and her ex partner are quite young
 
Agreed
 

Nothing i say should be taken as legal advice. I am not a Lawyer. If i help you it is of your own free choice to listen to what i say or not. I do not create documents for you. I do not represent you…. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Yes I wonder why 'Uncle' can look after bubs but at that time not dad.  Perhaps dad has other commitments or is working? We know nothing about the living and relation arrangements of the key parties.  

Executive Secretary - Shared Parenting Council of Australia
 Was my post helpful? If so, please let others know about the FamilyLawWebGuide whenever you see the opportunity
 
From what shanna said, she is returning to work for two days a week. The father, according to shanna, said that IF he isn't working, then he would like more than the three times (days) a week than he was seeing the child.

Not sure where the uncle comes into the equation, because shanna said that the father was going to care for the child 7 hours one day, and 4 hours on another. I tended to assume, rightly or wrongly, that shanna was going back to work for a total of less than 11 hours a week (need to include travel time).

Shanna, a little bit more information would really help.
As is typical of so many people, once serious questions are asked they vanish faster than a stain sprayed with easy off Bam. Its these kind of people who only want yes men/woman answers and when they dont get the answer they want they insult those they disagree with and move onto another forum/place to try to find the yes man/woman.

It makes our job so difficult, (and we are all helping people in the background, mod or no mod)  in my opinion its better they show their hand like this early so you dont have to waste too much time on them.

Nothing i say should be taken as legal advice. I am not a Lawyer. If i help you it is of your own free choice to listen to what i say or not. I do not create documents for you. I do not represent you…. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
Boots said
From what shanna said, she is returning to work for two days a week. The father, according to shanna, said that IF he isn't working, then he would like more than the three times (days) a week than he was seeing the child.

Not sure where the uncle comes into the equation, because shanna said that the father was going to care for the child 7 hours one day, and 4 hours on another. I tended to assume, rightly or wrongly, that shanna was going back to work for a total of less than 11 hours a week (need to include travel time).

Shanna, a little bit more information would really help.

This is how I read it too Boots.

The inclusion of the uncle caring for the child in Shanna's second post is quite confusing and tends to be somewhat conflicting with the original details provided by Shanna in the first post.

I agree that if Shanna would like further input/opinion then more information would be helpful

Shanna.  I am glad you have said you are continually reading up on parenting (and co-operative parenting?).  I do not believe that there will ever be such a thing as knowing enough or 'too much' where children and parenting are concerned.  

The best learning experiences when caring for a baby however are generally those which are hands on. Whether it was when a parent had their first baby or through them assisting with the care of somebody elses baby before having their own, every single person who has cared for a baby at some point was a novice to begin with and each had to start somewhere.  In real life, reading will only get you so far (you could consult a non-parent university trained maternity nurse on that one!).  

Any opinions expressed herein are strictly for informational purposes and are never to be taken as legal advice.
Hi Shanna,

How did it all go ?

Thanks Sammi

SammiSez said
Hi Shanna,

How did it all go ?

Thanks Sammi



As i said before I think you will find once people are asked serious questions and their story falls apart they vanish into thin air… tumbleweeds roll by this thread

Nothing i say should be taken as legal advice. I am not a Lawyer. If i help you it is of your own free choice to listen to what i say or not. I do not create documents for you. I do not represent you…. Purple Monkey Dishwasher
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