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Father refuses to allow child to attend any activities, sports she wishes to do, only things he wants her to do.

Is it possible to have an consent order made to allow my daughter to attend extra curricular activities she wishes to be involved in?? Has anyone else had problems like this?

my ex has know since my daughter was little she wished to play a certain sport, 1st season there were alot of comments made by the ex that he would not allow her to attend her sport of choice, which resulted in my daughter being upset and not wanting to go with him for visits if she couldn't play, ultimately he had her attend, but often complained about it in emails to me. MY ex wished to enroll her into horse-riding which he has been trying to convince her to do for a couple of years, i notified i couldn't afford to pay the price of riding lessons every week, or take her to as i dont drive, (the father works away and can't take her on my weekends). i didnt here anymore about it.

2nd season was coming up and my daughter notified him of her wanting to play again which his response was, "if your mum puts you into (**such sport**) i wont be taking you i will be putting you into horse-riding". this made my daughter upset however his opinion/thoughts were never directly relayed to me by him, just through our child.
A couple of weeks later at my daughter's asking i enrolled her into her choice of sport,  i notified him of her enrollment through our communication book, and had no response to it, nothing saying he doesn't want her playing or anything of his concerns. But he continues to say things to my daughter about not taking her and doing horse-riding lessons, knowing she will come say stuff to me, though knowing we are not suppose to do this.

My ex and i do not have any to much one-on-one contact due to his behavior in the past, so this will also be something she can see both her parents, step-parent and extended family attend and support her in something she is enjoys doing.

My main concern is my ex will not allow our daughter to do anything after school ever, if its not his idea or his suggestion. and i'm thinking a consent order in place to allow her to do atleast one summer and one winter sport, will lesson the drama of having to go through this everytime she wants to join up to something….
Do you have any court orders at all? If not, then I think getting court order just about extracurricular is a little excessive.

If you don't drive, then how do you get her to the sport that you have signed her up for? And if you are talking about a winter sport and summer sport, who is going to make the choice as to which ones? Or will you allow the father to nominate one and you nominate the other (a fair and equitable arrangement in my opinion). You could pay for the sport you choose, and he could pay for the sport he chooses. I was unsure as to why you would be paying for riding lessons each week, rather than just half.

And why was your daughter the one notifying the father about the sport? Surely as one of the parents. this is something that you should have raised with him. After all, you did complain about this opinions/thoughts going via the child.

And lastly, if you and your ex don't have much one on one contact, then when do you envisage that she, your daughter, will see both parents attending and supporting her?

Sorry if I sound a bit harsh, but it appears that you are wanting to make all the decisions, and not wanting the father to have any say at all.
You don't need a consent order for extra curricular activities. That said you can't force your ex to take your child to . The same goes for horse riding. You're not obliged to pay or take the child to that, it would only be at the request of the child for you to do so.

In this case you need to make it very clear to all (yourself included) that this is about the child wanting to play, not you wanting her to play. If the father really wants the child to horse ride then let him. The child will soon make the decision as to whether she wishes to continue.

By not enrolling your child in the activity you're letting your ex control that part of your life and as a result your child is missing out.

Enroll the child and if the father won't take her when it's his care time then so be it - how she feels about that is something that he has to reconcile with her. Take the heat out of it & explain to your child that when she is with you she will be able participate but it's up to her father to decide if he takes her when she is with him. Explain to the coach that she is likely to only play every second weekend & they will understand - it's not an unusual situation.

"I know that you believe you understand what you think I said, but I'm not sure you realise that what you heard is not what I meant."

 
I'm in the same situation here.

My ex refuses to pay for any extra curricular activities, or to take BD on his weekends.

Thats fine - I explain to BD (12) that on "my" weekends I will take her, and on his weekends it is up to him. She gets it and the team work around it.

If he wants to take your child horseriding on his weekends instead of doing the sport she does with you, whats the harm? He pays for his, you pay for yours. Problem solved.
how she feels about that is something that he has to reconcile with her. Take the heat out of it & explain to your child that when she is with you she will be able participate but it's up to her father to decide if he takes her when she is with him. Explain to the coach that she is likely to only play every second weekend & they will understand - it's not an unusual situation???
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