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Confused about my current situation. need help before i go crazy

Hi there, I am a twenty two year old male and am expecting my first child in a few weeks. Only I'm not with the child's mother any more and she has someone else.

I feel as if I'm being pushed away.  I'm not sure what's going on.

We split about three months into the pregnancy after my ex fell heavily into depression. I wanted to and tried to help her as much as I could. Despite of whatever she thinks i did and didn't do to help.

I always tried and may not have always been the right thing but I always tried and never meant to make things worse. But they did get worse and things started to get serious. I packed my things and had to get out for the safety of both of us, but I wasn't allowed to leave and she grabbed my stuff out of the car and threw everything on the driveway.

A few days later she kicked me out.

Months and months of harassing and abusive phone calls followed. On both parties I mean but my honest feeling was i was reacting out of sheer frustration and annoyance as to how she could do what she is doing to me.

She had told me some nasty things and told me she wants me to have nothing to do with our child and how she has someone else who is looking forward to being daddy. It hurts me how i am not going to be around to tuck her in at night and feed her and change her and look after her. I say her because we are expecting a baby girl.

I have had death threats from my ex and is just now doing everything in her power to make it difficult for me to see my daughter. And she is not giving me enough time for the baby to bond with me. All in an attempt to create a new father for her with this new guy.

It's not fair and I cannot afford court fees.

All I want is to be able to be a part of her life and for me to be a part of her life.

I think I have been abused and manipulated for too long and am depressed myself about the whole thing. I need help and need some suggestions because I don't know what to do. And everything I try always comes to a dead end. No matter how many people I see and how many counsellors tell me that I am being abused and need to get help quickly i always get made to feel as if I'm the one who has stuffed everything up and how I'm the abusive one. But I'm not an abusive person, I care about people and I am usually very calm but I'm only human.

There's only so much someone can take. But that's how she makes me feel, worthless and useless. I'm young and am trying to do the right thing and its all getting too much for me, I want this to end and get on with working together for the good of our child but I'm pretty sure it wont work that way. Any suggestions?
Similar situation at my end my friend i.e. concerns re access, costs associated with legal action etc. I will forward any helpful advice I recieve.

One thing re costs though - I am pretty sure you can, in cases of finanncial hardship, apply to have some, perhaps even all, fees waived in the Family Court. This will obviously be dependant on your personal finanncial circumstances but you should have a look at the family Court website for further info on fees.

My best advice is to look after yourself. The better your mental and emotional state, the better the position you will be in to tackle these hard choices.

If you havent already, become a member. The information and advice that I have received in such a short period of time, has been invaluable.

Good luck!

Last edit: by SM-EC

Guest join as member of FLWG as well as SLR both will benefit you and assist in your situation.

Read SM-EC post and then post any questions that you need help with there.

To those above us I would like to suggest another site that could help with supporting our guest with emotional issues but will not do this with out permission, even though the site does appear elsewhere on FLWG.
The first suggestion I have is to become a member of the site.  

Second have a look through threads and posts, there is a wealth of information, suggestions and advice that have been given to other people that is of great benefit.

There is no quick fix for what you are going through and it will take time.  
Dear Guest, Join the site. Don't use your name or anything else identifying. It's a courtesy thing. If people are taking the time to respond to you, you should join.

Now, yes, you are young, but now it is time to grow up. As well as impending fatherhood, you seem to be going through many things at once, coming out of an abusive relationship.

An important thing for you to know, is that girls/women can be just as abusive as men - without throwing a fist. It is called relational agression or mental abuse. When girls want to break up, they often use this to get the man to hit them, which allows them to walk away with the man as the "bad guy".

As you have learnt, there are faults on both sides to why relationships don't work.

As you are young and probably not on a great income, you should qualify for legal aid. Talk to legal aid in your state.

I would recommend you go to your local FRC, family relationships centre, and mediate access. I would recommend that you ask that this should be supervised at a centre first, and then as the baby and you become more attached, graduate to spending unsupervised time alone together.

Despite what your ex might want or say, you have some rights in this as does your little girl to be. She has a right to know you.

You don't seem to have anyone supporting you in this? I would recommend you find yourself a male role model or mentor. This could be someone at work, or your Dad or an uncle or a neighbour - but you need to find yourself a man who is something like the man you would like to be.

Good luck

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
Guest, another thing that you may find helpful is to go along to your local DIDS, here you would meet others going through a similar experience.

Here's a link to their website DIDS Website
At the beginning of a life long journey, on which you have only just begun, it is appropriate to understand who might give you a refuge and fortify you for the various events that are on your path.

Until you join there is no indication as to what other resources may be available to you and to share with you what might assist you ensure the best interests of your daughter.

If you always act in her best interests in relation to the court you will be more likely to have contact with her.

What is done for you, let it be done, what you must do, be sure you do it, as the wise person does today that what the fool will do in three days - Buddha
verdad said
At the beginning of a life long journey, on which you have only just begun, it is appropriate to understand who might give you a refuge and fortify you for the various events that are on your path.
That makes the site sound like a religious cult.
First step, as Artemis suggested, is to go to the Family Relationship Centre (FRC).

You might reach agreement (although it doesn't sound likely), but at least you will have a s60L certificate.

Even if you cannot afford a lawyer, apply to the Federal Magistrates Court (FMC) as soon as you have your certificate.  Don't delay.

It has been suggested (by child psychologists) the bonding with your child in the early years is very very important.

Best of luck.
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