Donate Child Support Calculator
Skip navigation

Obligation to pay share of child care?

Add Topic
I just received a text message from my ex asking that I pay half the costs of child care for our two children. I did not ask that she put them in child care and she has only done it to enable herself to get back into the workforce ei, to benefit herself.

I pay my child support to her (more than the CSA assessment I might add, just because I am too generous) and I don't believe I am obliged to pay any share of the child support. She argues that her centrelink payments have decreased now that she has an income and she cannot afford the child support fees. Well, that's not my concern to be honest. But does she have any grounds to stand on with this matter? Am I obliged in any way to pay a share of these fees?

Last edit: by MelbDad

MelbDad said
I just received a text message from my ex asking that I pay half the costs of child care for our two children. I did not ask that she put them in child care and she has only done it to enable herself to get back into the workforce ei, to benefit herself.

I pay my child support to her (more than the CSA assessment I might add, just because I am too generous) and I don't believe I am obliged to pay any share of the child support. She argues that her centrelink payments have decreased now that she has an income and she cannot afford the child support fees. Well, that's not my concern to be honest. But does she have any grounds to stand on with this matter? Am I obliged in any way to pay a share of these fees?
Legally, no - however do you have documented proof or a paper trail of evidence to show that you pay more than the assessed CSA amount?

One of the problems faced by single mothers going to work is the loss of subsidised care and other Centre Link benefits. It can be a no win situation for them.

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on the site (Look for the Avatars).   Be mindful what you post in the public areas. 
I'm not sure how much care of the children you have MelbDad. If you have EOW care, perhaps asking her to extend to an extra night, with you paying for the day of care that the children are in your care, may be a win-win for both parents?

When my ex and I separated, he paid half the children's daycare fees. This proved to be a wise investment for him, as he now pays me considerably less child support as I have a good job.

Junior Executive of SRL-Resources

Executive Member of SRL-Resources, the Family Law People on this site (Look for the Avatars). Be mindful what you post in public areas. 
monteverdi said
Legally, no - however do you have documented proof or a paper trail of evidence to show that you pay more than the assessed CSA amount? One of the problems faced by single mothers going to work is the loss of subsidised care and other Centre Link benefits. It can be a no win situation for them.
Thanks. I have been paying the child support to her via bank transfer straight into her account, with the reference "Child support", and I keep all my bank statements so yes there is proof that I pay more than the assessed amount.

I understand it can be a no win situation, she previously told me that she would not be returning to the workforce because she would actually be worse off at the end of the week after paying child care fees and the reduced centrelink benefits. She works in child care though and was lucky enough to find a job at a centre that also had positions available for our two children, so I'm guessing that she gets a discount and she is in fact better off now.
Artemis said
I'm not sure how much care of the children you have MelbDad. If you have EOW care, perhaps asking her to extend to an extra night, with you paying for the day of care that the children are in your care, may be a win-win for both parents?

When my ex and I separated, he paid half the children's daycare fees. This proved to be a wise investment for him, as he now pays me considerably less child support as I have a good job.
I have the children EOW plus one night a week (not an overnight stay) every week.

If I had asked to put the children in daycare or it somehow benefited me then I could understand her asking me to pay for a share of it, but she has done this on her own free will to benefit herself only and is expecting me to pay for half of it. Why not just go and buy a new car and tell me she needed it to drive the kids around and then ask me to pay for half of it, or for half of her fuel costs etc? I think its ridiculous.

I am most of all insulted that she asked me for this because I have done nothing but be understanding with her, helpful when she asked for it, compromising when need be and she does nothing but spit it all back in my face, and expects me to just keep giving her more. When we separated I asked her how much money she needed to get by, she told me $170/week, but I gave her $200/week and said the extra was because I wanted her to be able to stay in the house she was living in and live a comfortable life financially. We were on good terms and I would also give her extra money to help pay bills or buy food when she needed it.

She also didn't have a car, so I would regularly drive her to the shops and help her do her shopping. She then let a guy move into the house with her, rent free. It was supposed to be a favour for a family friend but within no time (less than a week) they were sleeping together. I was very annoyed that she let him live there rent free so I dropped my CS payments to the assessed $80/week.

She didn't like it and caused a lot of dramas. Time went by and we slowly got in better speaking terms again and she was starting to co-operate again so I upped the payments to $140/week. The new assessment under the new laws came into effect in July and that was only $60/week, but I continued paying $140/week. Once I did my tax return, the new assessment came in at $122/week.

So currently I am only paying $18 above the assessment but for a long time I was paying a considerable amount more than I had too, plus that period of time that I was helping out with transport/food/bills. There has also been a couple of events in recent times that I have helped her out when she found herself stranded in the city and when she was too unwell to have the kids, I have always been there for her.

But she fails to acknowledge any of this, certainly shows no appreciation for any of it, continues to be uncooperative with me yet still keeps asking for more. I can't just do everything she asks for, I can't just let her control me this way, I have a life to get on with as well and I certainly can't afford to be giving her an extra $110 a week, but I fear it will only make her even less cooperative when it comes to the kids and my visitation rights.
I didn't withdraw the financial support because I disapproved of the new relationship she was entering, I did it because she was taking me for granted by using my extra support to accommodate her new partner. I told her in the beginning that I was to give her more money so that she could afford to stay in the same house we had been living in, to avoid having to move the kids around. That doesn't mean she gets to let anyone move in and take advantage of my generosity.

I do look at the bigger picture and that is why I give her more than the assessed amount, but she is asking for way too much when she asks me to pay for half the child care costs, I simply cannot afford an $110 a week. She has also asked me for this payment AFTER she made the decision to put them into care. If it was discussed beforehand and I had agreed to this extra cost then it would be fair enough. But she made the decision on her own and then expects me to pay for it after the fact. She should have discussed it with me before making the decision and if I told her that I could not afford to make any higher payments than I already make she could have made a more informed decision about getting back into the workforce.

I'm happy to work something out with her but when she just dumps this on me and gives no room to compromise obviously we are not going to come to an agreement. When she learns to communicate properly then we might be able to work something out, but to be honest I'm sick of doing all the hard work. All I ever do is offer her help and advice, be understanding and compromising with her to try and work out our agreement but she keeps asking for more and when I don't deliver she hits me with abuse and threats. It's not on and I won't just give in to her like that anymore.

I am not the controlling one in this relationship.
Mate,

you sound like you are in the same situation that I am.  It is really hard to say no when they want the extra cash and forget that you are paying for their health insurance, car rego, insurance, power and the like.  Becuase you might be similar to me we do not want to see the kids suffer, but the ex appears to want to control our lives through financial means and access to the kids.

Please let me know how things turn out as I will you. I will watch this forum with interest to see how I can protect my kids in the best way and provide for them whilst still being able to survive myself.
When two people separate, so do their lives. Even if i was getting on with my ex there is no way i would pay half of childcare just so they could return to work.

I think your first option would be to offer yourself to look after the children.

I don't want to sound harsh but it sounds like you are already going above and beyond the call of legally what you have to do. If your ex was genuinely acting in the child's best interest, she would say right away "I'm starting work but i cant afford the day care fees, could you step in as it is better for our child to be with a parent that to be dumped off into care" but i don't hear that is being said from what you have written….

There is a big difference between looking after your child financially, morally and legally and looking after your ex financially by being used as a cash cow. This goes for both MALE OR FEMALES and my thoughts are not in any way aimed at being anti woman.

There are plenty of people in this world who manage quite well working and paying child care fees, sure it can be a struggle but…. if its not workable for your ex, then they have to reassess their life and work commitments rather than milking you for all you have

People have to stand on their own two feet, and you paying half of a child care fee when you are perfectly capable of looking after your own child, is not doing that.

Let her partner pay those fees or let her reassess her situation within the confines of the budget she has, I think its outrageous that ANYONE  MALE OR FEMALE can come cap in hand to an ex partner simply because they are losing benefits because of THEIR living choices..It has nothing to do with the children at all.. and is purely selfish

you are 100% being used and abused by someone who is only thinking of $$$$ they can milk and not their children

cheerz

They must find it difficult, those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority

Why is she receiving benefits when she is living with a new partner?

When you are swimming down a creek and an eel bites your cheek, that's a Moray.
Jadzia said
Why is she receiving benefits when she is living with a new partner?
Well spotted Jadzia and an excellent point. As soon as a partner spends more than a few nights a fortnight in the house, they are considered partnered….I know this cos centerlink told me themselves…… My ex did the same thing, let her b/f move in and continued to claim single parent payment AND legal aid… two swift calls to centerlink and a letter to legal aid later, and suddenly she stopped claiming and LOST her legal aid. I know she stopped claiming because the amount of CSA collected from her went up from the $12 or so they collect whan people are on benefits and the like…..

Sometimes you have to fight fire with fire, sounds like this particular person wants their cake, everyon elses cake, and the cake mix too

;-)

They must find it difficult, those who have taken authority as the truth, rather than truth as the authority

1 guest and 0 members have just viewed this.

Recent Tweets