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I recently wrote a forum regarding me taking my ex husband to court for a temporary relocation order to be able to take my child to New Zealand for a year.

I have another enquiry regarding my situation. I have spent time trying to work out orders that I am requesting for the move. What i want to find out is when we sperated we both agreed to a 50 50 split of our finances from our home and agreed on the furniture split and i have never asked for anything from his superannuation.

I have read that the main carer of children can get 70% and I was wondering whether i should try to fight to get more out of my ex husband in court. Money is not a priority but when he only contributes very little each week to his childs upbringing and i struggle week by week whilst he is out buying new cars having holidays and working every hour to get double time i need to know would this "Rock the Boat" in a matter of speech for getting an agreed relocation order.

My priority is to be able to relocate for the year with no anger and resentment towards each other more than the financial aspect, but the funds would help my daughter and i build a better future. What the best course of action.Any advice would be very helpful.
If you have reached a property settlement then reopening it is not that easy. Unless there is a lot of money at stake then the legal fight may end up costing the difference you are seeking.

Getting an extra 20% is not as easy as they say as it depends on many factors including your future earning capacity as well at your ex's and not just on who has majority care. However if you are good at playing the victim card and living off the system, then you might get an extra 10%.

Super can be split if you think he has more than you. The old days of one parent borrowing cash against their super to pay the other are gone.

If you have 50/50 care then you both should be contributing equally to the costs of the children anyway, so I can't see why you would be experiencing financial trouble.  

You say you struggle each week however that is not necessarily your ex-husband's fault, after all you made the choices that have landed you where you are now.

The difference in child support you would receive as a result should help to fund your time abroad.

Is it fair to assume that your daughter can only have a better future if she lives with you? You seem pretty set on the idea that her father's role is not important at all.

If he can still manage to earn a living as well as care 50% then you should be able to do the same. After all we now have three great women ruling our wonderful country!

If your ex really loves his daughter and is the stronger parent he will either let her go with you for the year, or fight to the end to have her stay with him, and like many many good fathers of daughters, will probably lose the case because the Judge believes the he will be the parent most likely to deal with the loss of care effectively and not cause harm to the child.

He will only win if he can prove to the court that you are not able to provide adequate emotional support for your daughter.

If you do not have any orders in place for your daughter's then either parent can do what they like care wise although they are answerable to the other parent if they are not happy. It this is the case perhaps you should discuss this with her father and see if he is agreeable. You will probably need to do this via a Family Relationships Centre so if an agreement cannot be reached then you can file an application in the family court for orders.

Sorry if I am a bit blunt in my response but I think it is wrong for you to undervalue your daughter's relationship with her father, and place a higher value on whatever you are pursuing in NZ.
An application for property settlement has to be made within 12 months of a divorce otherwise you will need Leave of the Court to bring a late application. Granting of late applications is subject to a variety of factors including of course just how late the application is. It is neither easy or inexpensive to re open an agreement even if that agreement was informal and was made some years previously.

SRL-Resources. the Family Law People on this site (look for the Avatars)  Non gender Professional and peer support for SRLs. Closed site, no public forums, no search engines, no lurkers, guests or the other side and their Lawyer and Friends.
Hi Fair go - just for you to understand i never ever have under estimated my daughters fathers relationship with her. He is a fantastic dad, but just to clarify he does not have 50/50 care of her. If you read it carefully that was a 50/50 split of our finances. He sees his daughter whenever he choses but has no set parenting agreement as he works many hours and alot at weekends so nothing can be set. In the past week he has not seen her once, he phones me 10 minutes before he wants to turn up on my doorstep to see her. I have never refused his visits, and i invite him for dinners still just so he does get quality time to see her. But it is not up to me to consistently make him see her, that is up to him. As for financial well i live off very little week to week and pay rent and never complain. He pay a minimal CSA as has not done his tax return for 2 years so it doesnt rise up. Hence i asked wether to reopen about the settlement. I have spent the last 18 months trying to get him to attend mediation to arrange for a consistency in our daughters life but he has never attending hence i now have a certificate. I have gone above and beyond to try my best with him and to talk civilly unfortunately i will not ever tolerate him using our daughter as a pawn in his dispute with me...i drawn the line at that. I hope you understand that my first and only priority in life is for our happiness and to ensure my daughter retains her beautiful caring loving personality and not to get too effected by our petty disputes. Hence i feel taking her to NZ for one year would benefit both her and myself and please let me assure anyone who reads this, it was not a decision i took lightly to remove her from her daddy and take her, but then her care is paramount and her future happiness.
Hi confused2010, how can removing your daughter from her father ensure her future happiness.  I am probably wrong but by taking your daughter to NZ is this not using your daughter as a pawn yourself.  How will you explain to your daughter the extended absence of her father.  How will you facilitate a meaningfull relationship with your daughter and her father.
This falls under the category if the mother is happy the child is happy.

Also may fall under the category if the mother says so then it is so.

Why does the child need to have a meaningful relationship with dad when the child has mum 24/7 , all any child needs is a mother can you not understand this?

You can fool some of the people some of the time but you cant fool all of the people all of  the time unless they work for CSA and youre a Payee:)
Wow Guys they are pretty intense responses!!! Let me clarify a) I never use my daughter as a pawn in silly immature games… I know the real deal and the true situation and ive put up with alot in 18 months for the best for both her and her dad but how long do i need to take his manipulation and games. So the only way forward is to go to court NOT something im taking lightly as i hate any confrontation especially with a man i married and loved and had a child to.
b)Yes its true if we are happy the children are happy and i can guarantee i have seen that in my daughter…she is a beautiful content happy child and me and my ex have done our utmost to ensure our issues do not ever effect her (hence bbq by the beach tonight as he hasnt had time to see her for over a week and i thought if i made the effort he would)
c)If the mother says so then it is so…… mmmm not quite i may want to take my daughter for one year away but if i truely thought it would impact her dad to detrimental levels i wouldnt but seeing as the past 9 months he has hardly made any effort why should i put mine & my daughters happiness and future on hold for someone who wants to say jump and expects me to say how high!!!!
d) And on the final note yes my daughter has me 24/7 but on no account do i ever want to take her away from her dad in a permanent context. She loves her dad and he is a great dad just he is so consumed with anger and malice and confused at the moment i feel he needs time to reflect on himself and his behaviour and to become settled move on and find happiness. The happier he is eventually will make us all happier. She needs BOTH her parents, even though i want to relocate i will bring her back home evry 3 months, he will be taking her away for a 3 week holiday next year and i would also ensure there are open lines of regular communication with her and her dad. I know there are alot of women out there who only think of themselves and what they want and are out to ruin there exs but i am not one of those women and i only want the best for all of us. Yes it may seem mean to take her away from her father but its only a short period of time in the whole picture and would benefit each of us in different ways. There is always a bigger picture and without understanding the underlying issues i realise it sounds like im only thinking of me me me but please trust that is not the reason. Putting up with mental and emotional blackmail on a regular basis is not a nice way to live and can become extremely upsetting and now that is what effects children…..
confused2010 - sorry that I misread your post about the 50/50 bit. I think you put your foot into it a bit with some of your comments. That is why you have been burnt a little with the responses.

I might get burnt myself for saying this on here but with no orders in place and majority care you can pretty well do what you like without taking any legal action. A father that busy wont have the time to do much about you moving to NZ for a year.

Regarding your financial situation - you are obviously receiving family benefits - do you realise that they are only payable for 12 weeks if you leave the country? I can see a reason why you might need to return every three months.

Regarding child support - I think you should present him with some scenarios based on how much he would have to pay with a given care percentage and income. This may get him to think about it. Then at the least if he does not respond then you could initiate the change of assessment process to see if C$A can work out a taxable income to work from.

Thanks Fairgo - appreciate that. For one year i think im getting to the point is it really worth it and the fight and taking aa man like that on. After having a chat tonight i feel it would end up a right nasty fight more than a resolving situation for our daughter. Ive lasted 18 months in this situation whats another 12 months dealing with it. FOr my daughters sake i think a court case will just cause resentment in our future as parents and i dont feel i am strong enough to take on his top lawyer and all the slander hes willing to dish out. Sometimes its best to plod on do the best and hope that when my partner comes home in a years time and we move in together that my ex cant put a spanner in the works with that. Would going for a parenting plan be beneficial if i stay in australia, or is it best just to keep with him just wanting her whenever he can be bothered. Im happy having my daughter 24/7. Would no parenting plan leave me more flexible for my holidays to NZ if im not going to relocate!! Sorry everyone lots of questions!

Here are some facts from peer reviewed research in support of children having a meaningful (both quality and quantity) relationship with both parents, mother and father;

  • more imaginative and intellectually advanced children (Fein 1981)
  • higher rate of behaviour disorder and social interaction disorders in single parent households (Baldwin and Skinner 1989)
  • Girls need fathers for development of self-esteem (Biddulph 2003)

If you need more or you need a copy of any child development research, I am happy to provide it too you. Leroy, the dismissive view as you have projected to this post shows to me anyway an immature approach to parenting that will only leave your children in a detrimental position. Any parent who's views suggest retribution against their Childs other parent as a motivating factor in the framework used to raise thier children will only see thier children fall behind. Don't get me wrong, I am unaware of your situation, however people seeking advice on parenting issues void of abuse or violence would better be served by supportive gender-bias free support rather than comments purely to inflame an already sensitive and complex area.
I feel so sorry for the kids today in these relationships. I've been through this myself as a child so I know how much these things mess up a childs head. They learn the right things to say to the mother so as not to upset her and the right thing to say to the father at a very early age and all they really want is the right to love both parents without the feelings of guilt that they are have to take sides when the truth of the matter is its not the childs fault who their parents are but the parents and the child has to suffer the consequences. Isn't it time we thought of the innocent ones caught in the middle.
Parenting plans are not legal documents so would become worthless given the first hint of conflict. You would be better to negotiate orders by consent. I think you need to set some boundaries as 10 minutes notice is not reasonable.
Confused, how were your property orders done, if they were by consent orders, then you would have very little chance of reopening them, as there are very few grounds that consent orders can be set aside on, especially if you received independent legal advice, as there are no points of law to appeal.  If you did receive legal advice, then they are pretty much iron clad.  

If they were done by the Courts, then the superannuation would have been part of the known asset pool and this would have been taken into consideration in the carving up of the assets.  There are also very few grounds available for reopening court orders, especially this long after they were made.  

You deciding that you didn't get enough and that you somehow now deserve more, because of your ex's current standard of living, are certainly not grounds to have a second bite at the property settlement.

If you believe that your Child Support does not truly reflect your ex's income then you will need to do a change of assessment and let the Child Support Agency investigate your ex's financial position.

I am also in agreeance with other posters, you would be best off getting orders to define when your ex can have contact, than ripping your daughter away from him.  It almost seems like you are doing this to get back at him.  If this is the case, then your request for a temporary relocation order, will probably not be granted.  In fact, it may end up backfiring on you, in more ways than one.


Choosing the turf to fight on

The posts to this thread clearly demonstrates that the adversarial court system into which we are driven, does not work for the best interests of the child.

Just step back and have a look at the field upon which you are about to contest on. It is the field of law and judiciary. Most of you, like I, contribute to society. We create GDP for our nation by working in factories, building bridges or inventing new technology. Or we create talent by educating our children. Or we preserve life as a doctor. Solicitors, lawyers or judges do not contribute to society, they distribute within society. They transfer wealth, responsibility and blame from one person or group to another. My point here is that the legal system thinks differently to you or I. They are not wired to find a solution that improves that outcome for of all parties. For them, someone has to win and someone has to loose.

Now step back further and have a look at your family court legal and judiciary folk. They are not at the top of the food chain of their legal profession. Remember, this is the 'soft' court. These people either couldn't hack the 'hard' courts or have particular dogma which drives them. In my case, my Federal Magistrate, used to be an ambulance chaser. I should never have expected fair, equitable or just outcomes from someone who used to find victims so as to extract 80% of the insurance claim money.

And then into this environment of drifted values, lack of solution focus, resentment and lack of empathy, throw in the children and mix the cauldron.

My message is that you may have chosen poorly with whom you had your child with. But dont wage war with somebody who may live their life in the absence of empathy. It is a fruitless quest for you, and your child will suffer if you dont get that.

Now if you must insist on using the family court system to resolve your differences, then go ugly, go first and go often. Leave your frailties and honour at home. There will be blood! Minimise that being your child's.

A person who can't pay gets another person who can't pay to guarantee that he can pay. Like a person with two wooden legs getting another person with two wooden legs to guarantee that he has got two natural legs. It don't make either of them able to do a walking-match. Charles Dickens
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